Just when I think things won't get any worse. Was teaching my 2nd block today. Got a call from the office that I had a phone call.<p>Got to the phone and it was the court appointed lawyer saying that H had filed a complaint that I wasn't letting the kids see him. She wanted to ask me about it. I told her he saw the kids the two weekends before Thanksgiving---one of those was even unplanned. They weren't able to stay with him for the whole weekend--but he did see them. <p>Reminder--he was mad because the kids didn't call him for Thanksgiving---of course that is my fault too. He could have called us--but he chose not too. The kids also could have called him---but they didn't even mention it. I don't make them anymore. <p>He wrote me a schedule when he would be off for Dec. And on that schedule, he had chosen two times when he would like to have the kids for 3 days at a time. Well, my older three said no way. Anyway, we didn't hear anymore from him. He is supposed to coordinate times and dates with a neighbor. He didn't do it. He wrote me on the Wed before last weekend that he wanted the kids. Well, we had already made plans. We went to a neighboring town with friends to watch "Harry Potter". I didn't realize it was a three hour movie--so we got home at 11:00. Late. By the time I got everyone ready for bed, it was really late. On Saturday, my oldest daughter had a soccer tournament in St. Louis. OUr plan was to all drive over and do some Christmas shopping between games. But we got home too late the night before. So, I made my 2nd oldest daughter stay home with the little ones. I told her if H. calls tell him he can see the kids. Well, he didn't call. ANd she won't call him--because she doesn't want anything to do with him. Anyway, she did fun things with the kids. That night they had a sleepover at a friend's house. On Sunday, we went to church, went to get our Christmas tree and put up our lights inside and out. It was a busy weekend.<p>My H. wrote me a mean email last night. He said the kids did not have a busy weekend last week and now the whole world knew it. He told me to call the kids guardian appointed lawyer to discuss it with her. Well, that is who called me this morning. H. filed a complaint that I wasn't allowing him to see the kids. WRONG<p>Talked to her for ahile. Then went back to class. Third block started and my principal came in and said that I had a call from my lawyer.<p>He asked what is going on. I told him what happened and he said I needed to come in and talk to him. He told me to come in at 2 that day. I told him I was in the middle of class at 2--he said to get out of it. I told him I couldn't and he said "Would you like me to drop your case?" I couldn't believe it. I said "what?" He told me to come in. I told him I couldn't get a sub in less than an hour. I told him I could come in at 3 or 3:30 and he said "I don't see anyone after 2!!" By this time the tears are welling up. He then said that I could come in on Tuesday at 1--again I am in the middle of class. He didn't care. <p>I feel abused by both my H and my lawyer. Do I draw these kind of people to me...what is the deal? The only other lawyer in town that was recommended to me is in the middle of an affair. <p>I don't know how to handle this situation. I just want this nightmare to be over. <p>SNL---I truely did love my H. I have loved him to this day. He has withdrawn so much that now all I feel is intense hate. I loved him with all my being....in love---you bet I was. It is definitely dead now. I hope he does fit her---anyone that can put up with him better fit with him. He is an immoral SOB. THey can fit together in hell.

I am so sorry. You are obviously so full of hurt and pain. I wish I had something wonderfull to say to cheer you up, all I can say is that I will pray for you and that you are a strong person. You and your kids will get through this.

I hope so...sometimes I just feel like giving up. I can't imagine what I have ever done to him to make him act this way towards me. <p>My friend thinks he is viewing this as a competition....and he is out to win. Sometimes I think I just don't care anymore.<p>This situation is really sick. There isn't anything good to come out of this.

You know...you have written a couple of things about this lawyer of yours that has irritated me...<p>...people have to work! And what kind of hours does he have? Doesn't see clients after 2???<p>Big Hugzzz to you...<p>Now as for lawyer...why can't he schedule a phone conference on your lunch hour? and if you teach secondary...maybe on your free period? For that matter...for the $$$ you pay...don't lawyers come and see you sometimes?<p>I'd look into your rights regarding lawyer...maybe consider calling the bar association and asking some questions about clients rights...<p>Good Luck...I am sorry you have to go through this...

I know Cali,<p>This lawyer was a big mistake. I don't think I can work with him any longer. He is so rude and unprofessional so much of the time.<p>I don't have any more money to invest in this tho. I just need it to get over. <p>I talked to a lady in KC the other day. She also is going through a divorce. She said that she has the best lawyer--someone who is really tuned in to families and wives in this position. I may try to find her number and just talk to her.<p>After these episodes with my H and then the lawyer--I am totally drained. I feel like I have been hit by a truck tonight. <p>It is the money that is bothering me. I can't afford to lose the $1500 I have already paid this guy.....he is just so awful...I can't even believe it. <p>I don't even know where my case stands. He doesn't communicate....This is the worse experience I have ever had. <p>If he threatens to drop my case again...I think I will tell him go ahead....I just can't handle this abuse anymore. <p>On Tuesday, when I go in to meet him...I am bringing a stopwatch and a notebook. I am going to record what we talk about and what he says. I am also going to keep track of the times he is off topic (last time he spent 40 minutes talking about his grandson and his hockey lessons. When I tried to get him back on topic he just kept saying "just a minute, just a minute."<p>I really am in a nightmare. Please keep me in your prayers...I am pretty down tonight.

Hi MNM I'm so sorry to hear that your H is still putting you through all this s*** and that your attorney is being a jerk! Is he the only one in this practice? I think when you meet with him on Tuesday that you need to set him straight. You are paying for his services not for him to chit chat about his grandson. I can't believe that he called you at school and just expected you to be at his office. He doesn't see clients after 2:00 what's that all about? I agree with Cali get in touch with the bar assoc. and file a copmplaint.
I know that things look bleak right now but they will get better again. This is just another minor set back. You still have your kids and they love and respect you. You are an incredibly strong woman and I admire you for the way you've handled everything that's been thrown at you. You truly did nothing to deserve this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please keep us posted on the situation with your attorney. Try to enjoy the weekend.
Hugs and prayers,
C

Thanks Cybil,<p>He really is a strange lawyer....although I really don't know since i don't have any experience with a lawyer before.<p>But I tell you what, I think I will become one. I could make a fortune, if this is how he treats his clients.<p>His son is in the practice...heard varying opinions about him. There is also a woment in the practice--I spoke to her last April. She seemed nice....but everyone told me to go with my lawyer....that if I didn't get him, I sure didn't want my H to get him.<p>Supposedly he does well in court. I don't know what to think anymore. If I only knew then what I know now...I wouldn't have hired him. It would have been bad if my H had gotten him tho. ....What a mess.<p>I hate that my H has put me through this so many times. I have lost so many years feeling miserable because of him. I don't want to do this anymore. I really do wish he would just go away. He never cared that much about the kids before--his work and flying always came first. Why is he making this so difficult? The kids don't respect him anymore---except for my youngest. He just loves and misses his dad. This is just so sad. I see my life being endless episodes of pain. <p>I really think my neighbor is right...he is viewing this as a competition....and he has to win at whatever cost to all of us. He honestly thinks he has done nothing wrong and has been justified in behaving as he has. I feel like my life has been ripped out of me. I don't think I would feel so bad if he would leave me alone. I think I need to go to bed...it has been a long day. Take Care

I think it's strange that your lawyer asked you to come in or he would drop your case. It sounds like he may think your husband has a case. <p>Maybe you should consider going to a set every other weekend visitation model, so there is no disagreement over when the kids will be at their Dads. Then abide by the rules and encourage your kids to go there on his weekends, so they get use to the routine. If the schedule is set, and legal, you can't get into any trouble with the courts if he doesn't show up. <p>He was a bad husband, but he's still their Dad. Unfortunately, you're all stuck with him as long as the kids are under 18.

No, I don't think he thinks that. He is just a good ole boy.<p>After a number of weird things with him...I called a number of people who had used him. They told me if I could survive working with him...he would do well in court.<p>My neighbor down the street worked with him last year. Her son was getting divorced. She called me and talked to me for a long time. She said if I do what he says, and document everything and type it up and turn it in...he will do well. She is an older lady. She said she left his office in tears a number of times. I keep trying to believe that. In the meantime, it creates havac with my emotions.<p>I can't wait to move out of this episode of my life. <p>My H. is just angry that the kids would rather not go with him--except my son....he is too little to know anything. <p>It would be good to get a set schedule. The first time he came...he just showed up and wanted the kids for the weekend. He thinks that anytime he is off--they should be with him. <p>The other thing is, he has moved in with his girlfriend in KC. I don't want the kids around that. He has done it before...and told the kids to lie about it. You can't trust what he says. I am afraid that when he gets to court...he will come off as the suave B2 pilot....as my mom says...he is so good at smoozing. It is sick.<p>I am sure we will have to go to some kind of visitation schedule....but my H wants it whenever it is convenient for him. The kids' schedules won't mesh very often...how is that going to work.<p>You know, he wanted to leave so bad...why doesn't he do it. He is causing so much misery with the kids and me. My oldest girls are embarassed by him. My son when he comes back from seeing--is a holy terror. I don't look forward to this.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

mylife,<p>Thank you...sometimes I really don't know what to do. If I do that does the information he has belong to me.<p>When this whole thing started...I had just gotten back from Europe and my H said "Welcome home....the divorce papers are at the sheriff's office". To make a long story short...I was up at the airport the next day and stopped at his vehicle...and he had a copy of the horrible divorce papers he had drawn up. I took them home and copied them and that is what I gave to the lawyer.<p>When he counter filed...he didn't address a number of things my H had in his papers. I questioned that and asked to see the divorce papers. They wouldn't let me have them. They told me I would have to go to the court and get a copy. It was weird.<p>He has pictures of my H and his mistress. He has all the cards and letters my H sent to his other mistresses. He has the interogatories that I spent weeks preparing (last I knew, my H still hasn't turned his in). Is all that stuff mine...or will he keep it. This guy is hard to work with....I don't know how to describe him. I hate working with him.<p>I should have such an easy case. It is blatant. But everytime I go in there I feel like I have been victimized. I don't know how else to describe. I know that others have advised me to get a new lawyer, but it is difficult here in this little tiny town. And I didn't know anyone in KC....so I just went with the recommendations around here. He is supposed to be good in court...but it is just one of those things that they say not to do...just trust and hope for the best. You don't know how much I hate this. I just want to withdraw from all the pain and hurt.

Bump Up!!!

Hugs & thoughts, <p>how old are your older children?<p>My OS (17) knew that when he turned 16 that he could chose what to do. So this summer when STBX & I split for good, OS chooses to go with his Dad when he wants to do so, someitmes I encourage him as I need the break, keeps him from being out on the weekends, and sometimes well a lot he goes to get stuff out of his dad.<p>My STBX takes the YS on Sat morning usualy & returns him late Sun afternoon or early evenings. He comes once or twice a wk depending on the boys scheuld or his own. <p>As STBX lives over an 1 1/1 hr from in good traffic, he lives on the north west side of H-town and I live on the southwest side of H-town, not an easy drive. Because of the distance he visits with the boys in my home during the wk, not easy for me always but it is good for the boys. He still helps me out, I hate asking him to do things but it is better than paying someone.<p>Today he was earlier than he normally is on Sat mornings, the boys were no where ready, OS was still asleep, STBX ending up being here for about 3 hrs. It was weird. I thought you know if we can get along this well why would he not work it out but you know it doesn't hurt anymore. I just hope the OW was fuming at wondering what was taking them so long, my guess she is not at home today, its her daughter's wkend with her dad. From what the boys say OW is usually not there when her d is not there.<p>What I started to say before I went off on my long ramble is that if your children are old enough they get to deciede what to do about seeing their dad, the cut off maybe 16 or it could be as low as 14.<p>I do know that your younges son has to go when you tell him. Set up the scheucld for him and go for it. If your H can't be there on those days, he needs to give you a wk notice if he would like to change, say that after the kids have plans it is not fair to them to have to change to meet his scheuld.<p>Good luck you do this. Don't worry about him any more.

MiseryInMO:<p>Read your posts. I am a lawyer in St. Louis area (don't practice any family law and know very little about it). I hope your current lawyer isn't billing you for his conversations about his grandson. My suggestion is that you bring a tape recorder with you to your next meeting and tell him you want to record it so you won't forget what the two of you spoke about. I have allowed several of my clients to do this.<p>Can't he meet you during your lunch? Why not during the late afternoon? Does he only work part-time? I try to accommodae my clients' schedules and often arrange appointments for later in the day.<p>Lawyers often do have very busy schedules but so does most everyone else, and there is no excuse for being rude. Good luck.