Hello room;<p> Recently things have been going better between my wife and I. I still have alot of pain towards the affair that she had in Aug. Her past problems have really surfaced and she feels anything between us is "yucky". This makes me feel like she does not like me and that she hates me. She has said that it is not me and that it is her. This does not make the lack of attension towards me any easier. I have not made love to my wife since March and the fact that the last person she has slept with was not me. I am very hurt and I am having hard time dealing with the images of her and another guy. She said that she felt that it was not a big deal because she said that she felt nothing for me at the time. This I think is her way of trying to justify what she has done and it disturbes me. We have gone to a couple sessions of couple councelling and she said that it is helping her. I want more affection, with more touching and we are slowly doing this. I think I want to much to fast for her and I wonder how much longer I can wait for her. I am ready to go find the attension and affection that I deserve and I have told her that I am not satisfied. I have been very patient all these months and I feel that at times I just want a woman to be with. 9 months is a long time to wait and I find that I am starving!!!!!!!!!!. I try to keep my mind off of her in this way but it is very difficult. The images of her and another guy are haunting me more every day. At times I want to tell her that I hate her guts for what she has done but the fact is that I love her so much and I want things to be better. She said that it will be a slow process and it is not fair that she does not feel comfortable to be intimate and sexual with me. I need some advise as to how to cope with my feelings of, neglect, distance and the loneliness that I feel from her. If anyone has some ideas for me I would appreciate it.<p>Slopoke.<p>PS. how much patients does a person have to have???
This totaly sucks!!!!

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Hi Slopoke,<p>I have been exactly where you are right now. Our therapist used an analogy last session that finally helped her understand what she was putting me through. I will try my best to explain it so that maybe you can use it to help your W see.<p>He told her to imagine that I was her only source for a drink of water. She would look forward each day to recieving a drink. Well, today I just didn't feel like giving her any water. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and again I don't feel like giving her any water. Soon she starts becoming very thirsty. It starts to become all she can think about. It becomes an obsession. She must have a drink.<p>He used this to explain how a man looks at sex as part of his relationship with his wife. Even though I have told her how important it was to me, she just didn't get it until he used that analogy. It was like a light went off inside her head. She has taken this info to heart, and is trying to do better. We still have a long way to go, but at least now I finally have a feeling that I am not working on the marriage by myself. I feel that she is finally putting the effort that I have been putting into it for the last 6 months.<p>Hang in there!!!!! Eventually your wife will have a trigger that makes her understand what it has all been about. Then you will have an equal partner to help work on your marriage.<p>Good Luck and God Bless

Hello again.<p> I keep having visions of my wife with the other guy and this upsets me deeply. I have a hard time even trying to get a kiss from here and yet she can sleep with someone else. She is being more affectionate but I find that I need more and she said we have to start somewhere. I know I want more, and I am only human. I want to be loved and be able to love her back and I am not sure how long I can wait. She put on her wedding ring last weekend and this surprised me. It made me feel good but that is all material stuff and it is nice but not what I need. I want her and she feels uncomfortable with this but I find that I may have to get on with things in order for me to be happy. Patients!! It has been almost 9 months and I am going crazy. At times I get so mad that I can feel hatred towards her growing and this is not what I want. I love her so much but I find with her lack of attention towards me it is beggining to push me away and I feel like looking for someone else to fullfill my needs and desires. This is a very hard time for me. <p>Married 12 yrs
2 kids<p>THIS SUCKS.
Slopoke.