I hope I am welcome here first of all. I actually found this site accidently when a word in my search engine popped up a post from here. I read that post and then another. So on and so on. I am married. 29 years old and he is 28. Married 9 years this January. I guess I don't really belong here as I have a good marriage with no problems. No affairs. I guess what keeps me here and reading is the small fear in the back of my mind that my husband would ever have an affair. He says he never would and I believe him. So I pay attention to this site and maybe try and learn what things cause affairs or problems in marriages. I will never really understand why someone would have an affair. I know I never could. If I were unhappy I would tell my husband or if that didn't work I would leave him before I would hurt him like that. I have read alot of people's stories here and I have great admiration and my heart goes out to all of you. You are all very strong people. I also hope that people here do know that not everyone out there is capable of being an OP. I have had a few times before I was ever married that I was approached by a married man looking for a fling. One in particular actually pulled me over with his kids in the car. He lied right in front of them and said they were his sister's kids. I spoke with him on the phone a few times before catching wind around town that he was married and a big joke. He had numerous affiars on his wife. I told him that and he lied again saying he wasn't married, but was wearing his ring. I pointed that out and he non chalantly hid it in his jacket like I'm an idiot. He finally admitted he was married yet claimed he was divorcing her. He was a very good looking guy, but I was totally disgusted and told him to leave me alone. It took a while to finally drive him away, but I wanted no part of that. I don't care how cute a guy is in my book a married man is off limits to me. I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I don't do it to other people. Now I am married and I only have eyes for him. <p>Anyway I just wanted to reach out after lurking for a while. I hope no one is angry that I am not in the same situation, but I do find the site informative to keeping even a healthy marriage together.

Welcome! I don't think anyone would begrudge you being here. As far as I'm concerned, an once of prevention.... No one is affair proof, I imagine the vast majority of us once believed it would never happen to us or we'd never do such a thing. There but by the grace of god go I. <p>There is much to be learned from this site. I'd highly recommend reading the basic concepts if you've not already done that. <p>Several of the other forums may be better suited to your needs. I applaud your efforts to make your M the best it can be and I wish you continues success!

Maybe you and your husband could volunteer your time here and help answer peoples questions or provide support to those whose lives (at times) hang in the shadow of the gallows. There is nothing wrong with you being here at all. <p>Bring your husband by and introduce yourselves. Some hope among devestation is always welcome.<p>Thank you for stopping by.

Welcome!<p>I have said many times that I wish we had all found the Harley concepts for a successful marriage BEFORE the troubles we all have. You and your husband are most welocome, because you will learn a great deal here to enrich your already happy marriage.<p>Look particularly at the articles on meeting emotional needs, learn about the love banks and love busters, and use these sconcepts in your marriage to keep those fires burning.<p>And please do post to those who have problems, any input is welcome.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Answering questions or helping sounds like a good idea. I won't sit here and say my marriage is 100 percent perfect. It's pretty good though. We don't have any big fights. A spat here and there every so often over silly things like anyone else. In the past we have had troubles. No affairs, but we almost left each other. It was probably good ingredients for anyone to look somewhere else for comfort. I didn't, but he did show me up and go to a strip bar. That was the straw that broke the camels back. Anyway we patched it all up and it was several years ago. I know sometimes he feels like I don't love him or find him attractive anymore and that could be no farther from the truth. So since I found this site I decided to keep reading and make sure we stay happy.

Hoping,<p>I think you will find you are very welcome. I started reading here almost 3 years ago. It has helped my view of my marriage tremendously. In fact, I never posted or even registered for the first 7 months I read/lurked here.<p>However, a situation was posted here that felt compelled to respond to and the rest is shall we say history: Over 3000 posts here now.<p>This site has changed alot in the past years. It has gone from one single place to post, to the breakup into categories of: Infidelity, Issues, ... So there are many places to obtain information and many different life stories to learn from.<p>I have been married 26 years and to my knowledge infidelity has never been part of our marriage, but I will tell you that you would be surprised how a marriage and relationships can twist and turn with time. You would be well advised to read here with the thought in mind that it COULD happen to you or your H.<p>However, I will tell you the single thing that I have learned here, that has saved my marriage. We don't show love to one another as well as we think we do. In another words communications and expectations are NEVER as good as we think on our end of things.<p>So welcome, please read all of the introductory information, especially about NEEDS.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Welcome aboard. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I am the WS and wish somebody would have given me "His Needs, Her needs" when we got married. Since my H found this site it has helped us out more than ever expected. I have vowed that everyone I know that gets married, I would buy them "his needs, her needs". <p>I agree wiht H2Y, show your H this site, and I believe that your opinion is just as valuable so post away. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Good luck. Sherry

Hoping,
Welcome.<p>There are a lot of people here who never thought their spouse would cheat, or even less that they would themselves. That's one way affairs continue, when asked, the wayward spouse says "NO! I'd never do that to you." And who wouldn't believe, or want to, believe that?<p>It really is good to continually safeguard your marriage. <p>An affair can start without planning--a bad decision in a tempting situation, or step by step friendship/co-worker coffees, lunches, jokes, email and the lines blur.<p>Please feel free to join in and/or learn from our mistakes.

Let me join the others in saying "welcome"!!!<p>I too never thought my H could have an affair. It was the one thing that I told him never to do to me because it would devastate me. Divorce me first.<p>Yet, it happens. If your marriage is at a particularly low point, or your spouse isn't as happy as they are letting on, sometimes it just takes one evil-spirited OP to sneak in there and confuse the heck out of the WS.<p>I understand your words exactly. I too felt the same way about affairs, yet after many, many months of posting here, I realize that anyone can become a victim to an affair (WS's I'm talking about). Yes, even me, even though I thought the SAME way you do now.<p>I am not the WS, I am a BS, but I have learned to accept these things.<p>Keep reading and posting. Why are you afraid your H may think about having an affair? Something is keeping that thought there, what is it?<p>Remember, you should never, trust your husband not to have an affair (given the right circumstances...). BUT, you can have an affair-proof marriage if you apply the principles the Harley's recommend on this site.<p>Good luck!
HbH

For some reason when I started reading your post I got chills down my spine. I am also 29, H 28 been married 9+years going on 10 July 18th... Welcome... There is alot of great information on this site.. not only for people w/infedelity problems but also common marriage problems. <p>Welcome

I'm fairly new here and I don't post here that often, but welcome! You are doing the right thing in coming here to learn. I wish that I had done that long before I had my A. I know what you mean when you say that you don't understand how people have affairs. Up until about 9 months ago I thought the same thing. In fact, I thought people who had affairs were less than human, low lifes ect...and here I am. I don't think of myself as being either of those things. But somehow it happened. HBH, is right, you should never believe that an affair can't happen. Because it can. Knowledge is power!!! I hope you continue to learn!
1step

Welcome from me as well.<p>I am the WS in my marriage and believe me, I never in my life thought I would have to confess to such a thing. I was married for 18 years before to someone who really didn't love me, care about meeting any of my needs and I had opportunities over the years to wander but did not.
I have been married for 4 years to a man that I consider the love of my life--he has more completely met my EN than anyone else I've ever been with. Have had ops to cheat on him more than once--turned them all down...don't ask me what the difference was when I did have an A. I don't know. I don't think anyone is 'cheatproof' either.<p>Can always use another ear to bend, so I'm glad you're here!

Thanks to everyone for your nice welcome [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I hope I didn't imply I thought affairs couldn't happen to me or my marriage. I know it can and does happen to alot of good people. That's why I am here. To be sure it doesn't. It's not that I actually think my husband might have an affair....I just in the back of my mind wonder from time to time. I make sure we communicate because I feel that's one of the most important things in a marriage. Perhaps lack of communication is what leads some to stray???

Hi and Welcome...I am just glad to know that there really ARE normal people out there! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Is it possible that some couples can have too much communication?!

Welcome! It is nice to have you here. I am in agreement with you that some people will not be OP's because of who they are and the choices they make. I could and would never be an OP - it goes completely against my grain and despite numerous opportunities, have resisted it. Not to say that I am perfect, but I do know my limits and who I am. <p>I know that infidelity is always a CHOICE, not some random event that just "happens" to you against your will. [temptation may happen to someone, but not behavior] I think that people who say it could "happen" to anyone avoid accountability in general through a false belief that behavior is a random happenstance instead of what it actually IS, a CHOICE.

Welcome.<p>I NEVER thought I'd be in this situation. H had a ONS while I was pregnant. He was away on a business trip. The worry of a new baby on the way, some stressful months at work and not wanting to burden me with *work stress*, add to that too much alcohol and some idiot bimbo - viola, here I am. I had no clue until he admitted it 2 months later. I was completely devestated.<p>No one who knows us would ever suspect a thing, as H and I have always had a "wonderful" relationship in everyones eyes (and ours.<p>I understand what you mean when you say your H (or you) would never have an A. We said the same thing. During our engagement we even completed a Christain workbook which contained a chapter about affair proofing our marriage.<p>Blah. I've learned, it can happen to anyone. Better to prevent. What are the stats? - 75-80% of all marriages are touched by infidelity. Yuck. Makes me want to puke.