Hi all,<p>Does anyone have a book recommendation for someone desiring to develop better communication skills? Or maybe to develop any skills at all? This is for me, BTW (in case you hadn't guessed).<p>Jeffers

Yes... Two of 'em<p>1) Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Connection"<p>She, in my opinion, is just outstanding.<p>
2) Gottman's " The Relationship Cure". He is clinical, but explores his model of " bids for connection" in a variety of settings..work, dating, friendship, marriage.<p>I have these on cassette.. I find it easier, surprisingly, to review the material.<p>Dan<p>Jeffers - I felt compelled to come back and say.. Gottman feels that with practice and knowledge..
We can repair our inability to effectively communicate. The fact that his observations are based on "clinical observation" means there may be hope.. for both of us! LOL<p>[ December 14, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

I HIGHLY recommend <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0399521372/qid=1008337217/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_10_2/107-7392456-6660502" target="_blank">We Can Work It Out : How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your Marriage, and Strengthen Your Love for Each Other
by Clifford I. Notarius, Howard J. Markman</a><p>It goes nicely with MB principles and even discusses a “relationship bank account” ala the Love Bank.

Relationship Rescue by (?) Phil McGraw and you'll need a timer.<p>My counselor recommended we start on chapter 8 doing the evening excercises. It is a 30 minute a night committment for 14 days. Me and my H are on day 3. It seems to be going real well. <p>Both parties MUST be willing. <p>It started with 2 minutes of looking at each other and not saying anything (and not laughing) hopefully we will do better tonight. Anyway... 2 whole minutes - I think that is more than he has looked at me our entire 12 years together. <p>It was amazingly uncomfortable for both of us (I laughed a lot - tried not to but it was too weird). Then it went like this: He says (while maintaining eyecontact): it is my desire to become more committed to this relationship because.... (he has 3 minutes to talk - I can't say anything - he came up with 3 reasons he wants to be in our relationship in 3 minutes but I see it is a huge effort on his part. Then I do the same. The next statement was "my biggest fear in becoming closer in this relationship is....(again 3 minutes to talk). There was another statement - something like: the things that attracted me to you is:... (again 3 minutes to talk). Then I do the same. <p>Well, I have to tell you it was very painful for me because I am exposing my heart again which means there is a possibility and very likely it will get broken again. <p>At the end you follow up with a 30 second hug. Again, probably the longest we have ever done that. <p>Every night you get 3 new topics and 3 minutes each to speak while the other person doesn't say anything. There is a connection with the eye contact thing.

A simple, easy read is John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Family Man,<p>You seem to have lots of books on cassette. I've never tried to experience a book in that manner... I spend enough time in a car that it might be an interesting way to "read".<p>I've seen Lerner's books mentioned often, o.k., on my list.<p>Chris,<p>I checked out the Amazon link. This does sound like my kind of book. Being a scientist I like people who make some effort to demonstrate things with data.<p>notheard,<p>This sounds really uncomfortable. Of course, for me, communicating makes me very uncomfortable. Hmmm... 30 minutes of total immersion. It makes sense that if you did this for 14 days the comfort level has to improve. Give us a report.<p>Notice I haven't said "I need to get this book". It sounds really scary, maybe that's telling me something.<p>Lor,<p>The two books we do have are HNHN and "Men are from Mars..." I actually used the love letter technique to "talk" to my W. Actually, I used the technique improperly before I got the book and then did it correctly afterward. There was lots of other (weird) stuff in the book that I just skipped over. <p>Jeffers

Hi jeffers,<p>Ready to go back home ?. see you in Jan.<p>Probably you issue is not with communication but how you sell your point aka influencing. There is a thin line between communicating and influencing. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Kevin Hogan has books on this matters, the psych. of persuasion.