Here I thought my biggest problem was my leftover depression from D-day #1. I just found out that while I thought we were in strong recovery, he broght 2! women back to OUR house.....'
Oh God...my mind is spinning<p>[ December 14, 2001: Message edited by: almostbroken ]</p>

Any hope I had of keeping my family together is screwed... I'm just numb... I just want to sleep a long time and wake up and it all be gone

Hi,<p>I am sorry you had another shocker of a set back. It is hard to learn more but as with the first, you can recover and move forward. <p>For now, yes you are in shock and will be there for a while. Anger may come quicker this time. See your counselor and doctor. Learning how to help yourself can become more focused for you may seem impossible right now but it will get easier. <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,
Thanks for being there. Sorry for not replying to your posts - I just didn't feel I had anything to offer. <p>I know there are a lot of people here who have gotten past a lot more than this, but I know this is the crushing blow for us....he knew that too. I just die inside when I think about our children. My mind is in a whirl - I have no idea what to do next.

Hi Almost Broken,<p>You are not a fool, you have been betrayed, horribly betrayed.<p>What a devistating discovery for you. I realize you must be in shock right now and hurt beyond belief. You don't deserve this, I'm terribly sorry.<p>Here's what I would recommend you do. Allow yourself time to digest what you've learned, don't disclose your discovery to your H. Once thru the shock of things, ask yourself three questions:<p>1. Do you love your H?
2. Do you still want your marriage?
3. Are you willing to work to rebuild to recover your marriage?<p>If you find you have answered "yes" to all, then you have your work cut out for you, Hon.<p>I see you've been a member since August '2001, are you taking anti-deps yet? Have you been in Plan A since August? If so, has your H commented on your changes or do you see changes in yourself?<p>You can make it thru this terrible BLOW, even tho you think some people here have had it worse, that doesn't ease your pain any.<p>I'd say discovery of your spouse having an A feels worse than if they had died. But there is light at the end of this ordeal. And many of us are here to testify to that.<p>Please take good care of yourself, Honey.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ December 14, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Mulitple affairs suck. Trust me I know. I am sorry for your pain. It is true that this is worse than a death in the family. With a death you don't get your heart ripped out time after time. Just the once and the recovery begins after a time of very strong grief.<p> Be strong.<p> jd<p>[ December 15, 2001: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>

{{{{{{{{{almostbroken}}}}}}}}}<p>My heart sank when I read your thread. I hardly know what to say to you, but I will give it a try.<p>Please do not do anything right now. You are in shock, still reeling physically and emotionally. Please give yourself some time to just BE and do not pressure yourself (or be pressured by your H) to do anything.<p>Breathe, breathe and breathe some more. Have your H look after your children so you can have a good, long cry, run, walk, primal scream, talk with a close woman friend, minister or family member, as many times as you need to. If you want to sleep in for a few mornings, just because you cannot face the day, then have your H keep the household running while you do just that. Do whatever you need to in order to keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.<p>Others on this forum have faced a second d-day after the first. Peppermint, Persevering and I all have. My second d-day was within a month of the first and related to the same OW. Peppermint's second d-day was more than a year after the first and the same OW was involved. Persevering's second was over a year after the first and there was a second OW. All three of us and our respective Hs are in strong recovery now, after very different journeys.<p>I think Peppermint and Persevering would be better than I for really helpful advice, but I very willing to offer support in anyway I can. Why don't you try communicating with them? Also, Peppermint's H, firestorm, also reads and posts on MB; perhaps he would be willing to assist your H.<p>In addition, I am sure I have read about others who have survived and recovered from second/third/etc. d-days relating to a second/third/etc. OW. I just don't remember any names off the tope of my head.<p>I agree with Orchid and Resilient that it is possible to recover from a second A, a second d-day. And, as I mentioned, others are in the process of doing just that.<p>Before even trying to decide whether you want to try to recover your M, please give yourself some time, gather some support and information, talk to a doctor about anti-depressants and an IC about immediate counselling, and keep breathing.<p>I wish there was something more I could say or do. If you think of anything at all that could help, please just say the word.<p>Hugs,

AB, <p>I read your thread on recovery and your H's thread also. You are in a better position than most here. After you are able to get over this 'shock', see if you are able to step back and find some positive points to your situation. Look around at the rest of us and then see if your situation shows positive signs. Identify those and work on the bad thoughts and feelings. <p>Take Care,
L.

AB,<p>I am so very sorry for what you are going through. The most important things right now is to take care of yourself and your children. Don't make any rash decisions for a few days. It will take time for you to get past this shock. Remember that right now it is all about you. Once you have yourself together more, then maybe your H will be lucky enough to have a wife who still wants him. If not, that will be ok too. There is a part of my that really agrees with what jdmac said.<p>Plan A as much as you can right now for yourself. It will do you little good to love bust too much. <p>I know a lot about surviving multiple affairs. My ex-H had multiple affairs during our 20 years together (14 married). I know of at least 3 but suspect several more. My current H had affairs cyber/phone affairs with 10 women and an in-person-PA (weekend fling) with one of them. This during the 2.5 years of our engagement and the first year of our marriage.<p>What I realized with my current H is that it was best to look at the affairs as one happening. The affairs were not about his falling for a woman but about him using inappropriate behavior to handle a problem he had. So he tackled the problem. One thing about people who have multiple affairs is that they usually do not become emotionally involved with the OP. It is usually about sex. There is a very good book dealing with sexual addiction.. “Out of the Shadows”. You and your H might find it interesting. <p>Again… don’t make any rash decisions for a few days. And most of all.. Take care of yourself. To heck with him right now.