I posted this yesterday on Recovery and didn't get any responses.<p>This is something I have not yet brought up to my WH. I wanted to get some opinions on it first.<p>My WH still works in the same building as the OW....but they work in different departments now.
Actually....my sister is now her boss instead of my WH.<p>2 weeks ago my sister told me that the OW had pointed out (missed days and accumulated too many points towards her) and that she had put in a request to have her terminated personally. I didn't get too excited over this since I knew something would come up that would keep here there. <p>Well...my WH always seems to know more about this than he should. He really shouldn't know anything about the situation since she no longer works in his deparment. People in his department still talk to the OW ocassionally I guess. I know my WH doesn't because if someone at work saw them talking you can bet the whole factory would know.<p>Anyway....yesterday my WH was telling me that my sister was completely PO'd because the OW isn't going to get fired.....and that someone was telling him about it. The fact that she apparently had a few vacation days that HR didn't let my sister know she had....which reversed her points back to a good standing.<p>What I'm getting at here....is that my WH tells me about these things....me knowing that others are talking to him about it.....but it bothers me.
It bothers me that he sits there and listens to it.....not sure why he can't tell them that he's not interested in hearing about her and her problems.<p>She is still being brought up. So how the heck is he supposed to ever get over this withdrawl if he is still seeing her at work and he is talking to other people about her?<p>Actually he kind of laughed when he told me how mad my sister was about her not being fired. Not sure whether he was laughing at my sister being mad...which is kinda funny sometimes....or laughing at all of us for not getting what we wanted....her gone.<p>I did tell him yesterday that for someone that has nothing to do with her....doesn't talk to her or see her or want anything to do with her....he sure knows an awful lot about what's going on with her. He said that he couldn't help it if other people told him what was going on.<p>I don't think he should be talking to anyone about anything about her....and he should tell people that he doesn't want to hear about her and her troubles. I sometimes think she puts this one certain person up to telling my WH all these things to get him to feel sorry for her...thinking that maybe he would come running to her rescue or something.<p>Another thing that is bothering me is that I know that my WH leaves early for work....but him and the OW have to clock in at the same time. I know for a fact that he drives by her house on his way to work. It's actually on the way....but there are other ways he could go. We actually drive by there together alot on the way to this place or that place.....sometimes he will take another route....most of the time we don't.....it bothers me when we drive by there because he always looks over at her apartment....trying to make it look like he's not....but I see that he is.<p>I'm so over this woman being a daily part of our lives when she is supposed to be out of the picture....seems though that my WH is the one putting her there.<p>How do I bring these things up without LB'ing?

Miss Priss~<p>In regards of your husband looking at OW apartment even when he tries not to. I had this same problem. I finally looked at this as if the OW was a ex-girlfriend. It is nature whenever you go by the house or see a vehicle that looks like an ex's. I drove myself crazy knowing he would even care to look. I was upset he would drive on this street close to her house. But I could not control what he did. Finally as time has gone by it seems less important to me. When I asked my husband about it he said it was a habit and I believe that because I would do the same thing, check and see if she was at home or her vehicle was outside.<p>As far as him knowing what has happened with the OW, well he still cares (ducking here) somewhat for her. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] He is talking to you and letting you know what he was told. Very hard to know he talks about her. But would you rather have him able to drop his feelings that fast for someone. <p>It would be great if he could do that for her, but she did mean something to him. Even though he should have never cared, it will take time. Don't expect it to happen overnight. <p>At this point I would not bring this up to him. He is still in some withdrawal. Continue not bringing up the OW. I know you have said he is the one who brings OW up, but it is better not to add to it because if he isn't thinking about her he will be.<p>I hope you don't think I am flaming you. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I have.<p>Judy

Hi MP first I'd like to say how hard it is dealing with recovery when your spouse works with the OP. I know that's where I'm at. Just wanted to share a little advice that we got this week from our counselor I'm the one who has the problem with the bringing the OW up. I really relly try not to but somtimes it gets the best of me. My H is doing and saying all the right things and our recovery seems to be progressing well. Anyway the counselor ask me what exactly it was that I wanted or needed to get past this. I really have to think about that b/c I'm not sure. Remember my H is adament that his relationship with the OW was purely a friendship no PA and although I think there was an emotional A H says no. I've come to realize that this entire situation is about my H and I and making our M work. We had problems before we separated. If I continue to let the OW have a place in our lives then this will hinder our recovery and could possibly end our M. She was and is a symptom that's all just like the OW your H was involved with. Our counselor seems to think that somewhere down the road it would be a good idea for the OP and I to meet b/c eventually we will run into each other at a company function or somewhere. I am not ready for that yet. I really don't give 2 cents about her or her family. My goal is to make my M work. My H is home every night with me and if he's not at work he's at home with his family.
What is it that you think will get you past this so that you and your H can really work on recovery? Maybe next time your sister or your H says something to you about the OW you can just say I really don't care to hear about it just be polite drop it and go on. As far as people at work keeping your H informed about her I don't know what to say about that. You know how it is some people love to see the drama in others lives gives them something to talk about. Just act like whatever it is that is said just the mention of her name you don't care. I know it's hard. If you want to talk e-mail me do you still have my e-mail address? Take care. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Miss Priss:<p>Hi, sorry things aren't so great. My H's OW also worked with him...It wasn't until she quit & finally moved away that he was able to end it. (only to have another A after that [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Anyway, I agree with you that OP should not be saying things to your H. He needs to say he really doesn't "care" about her situation. Maybe if the "word" got back to her that he said he didn't "care" she'd leave it alone.<p>Obviously this OW is still tryingh to keep a relationship..NO CONTACT = NO CONTACT even if it's through someone else.<p>Does your sister know who her friends are in his department?<p>Do you work? Is there anyway you can drive into work together or leave early & grab a cup of coffee before he goes in? (Just to see what he's up to?)<p>I would suggest talking to the OW if you can. It sometimes help to come across to the OW as a sane, rational human being that has feelings & really truly loves their H.??<p>What is your sister's involvement?<p>Interested in your story [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Lisa