I am sorry I haven't been on in a few days. I am completely drained.<p>Spent the better part of the week in court or getting ready for court. Had to take two days off from work.<p>I did get temporary child support and we did establish a sort of visitation schedule. It was awful though. I am coming to realize that I can't protect my kids from him...and that bothers me. He is the one living an immoral lifestyle, he has the alcohol problem, he is the one that demonstrates the horrendous temper. The conditions for him having the kids are: he can't drink in their presence, no other person in his apartment, no cussing or physical violence of any kind, and he has to take the kids to their activities. He is not going to like those stipulations.<p>I got child support and half of his retirement, a little--but not enough to maintain our lifestyle. I probably have to sell our house and our retirement home. One of them to pay off bills and the other because I won't be able to afford to keep it up. That is sad to me.<p>I have also heard from four different people this week that my H is spreading rumors about me. My lawyer said that I shouldn't worry about that...but it hurts nevertheless. I can't believe that I supported and loved this man for 25 years. I feel like I have really wasted my life.<p>We are trying to get ready for Christmas, but my heart isn't in it. I feel devoid of any feelings-except hurt and pain. I have a hard time understanding this whole situation. <p>My H and his lawyer are trying to push for an early court date. My lawyer set one up for the end of April. He thinks my H doesn't want to go to court...because he doesn't want everything brought up in court. I hate this whole mess and just want to get out of this hellhole. I don't think I will be able to forgive him for all the hurt and pain he has caused me and the kids. It will be interesting to see what happens this weekend when he is supposed to have visitation with the kids. They don't want to go with him. My job is to just see that they are ready to go.....what is he doing to them. It is sad. <p>I don't think I have ever felt this low or this out of control of my life. I am still hurt by what he says and does---even tho I know it doesn't make sense. I know I will be better off not being married to him--it was not a good relationship--but I am miserable right now. <p>My lawyer was really difficult to work with. I finally brought a friend with me and he was a little better. Emotionally, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I really hate this.....when will it start getting better?

MnM,<p>It will get better once you decide to make it better for you and your kids.<p>Kiss the A**hole goodbye he is no longer a part of your life. The kids yes but not yours. Let go!!! You didn't waste 25 years of your life, you have 4 beautiful children, ok so you have to share them with him, not be with him!!! Don't let him suck the life out of you, don't give him that satisfaction!!! He wants to see you wallow in the self pity, that shows that you still need him, you don't!!!!! You just need his money for the 25 years you gave to him and the marriage. I am thinking of asking for 10% of the 20 years I gave to him and his career if he wants me to sign these papers ASAP!!! It will cost him!!!<p>I am not trying to be mean, by no means is that my intentions. Think of me in a pair of gym shorts, white T shirt stretched over the beer belly and a smoke hanging out of my mouth and a grungy white towel around my shoulders. I'm a coach just trying to punch you up a little bit.
Or I am just trying to make you laugh!!!<p>I am glad that you had someone with you for the lawyer, glad it helped.<p>You take care, don't let him or the lawyer beat you up. Keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of that little babe, who later gave his life for us on the tree, that is what we are to celebrate, so no matter what is happening in our lives, the true meaning is always there for us to celebrate.<p>Merry Christmas, Keep posting even thru the holidays, you may need us as much as we all will need you the season. Dawn

MisinMo-<p>We're here for you. Prayers are being sent your way this Christmas season.<p>Kev

Hey Coach,<p>Thanks, That was the first laugh I have had in awhile....Really Dawn, I appreciate your comments. This has been a hard week. I am not used to being treated so roughly all the time and lately it has been from both my lawyer and my H. <p>I did go look at some townhouses they are building next to our subdivision. They are really nice---and would get me out of all the yardwork. They have 4 bedrooms--which would be great with all the kids. The kids, of course, hate the idea of moving...but I am trying to look at all the different options. <p>I would love to move them back up to Plattsburgh. We have a townhouse right on Lake Champlain. It is so much fun up there, snow skiing, cross country skiing, the beach, water skiing, ice skating. The only thing is our townhouse up there is only two bedrooms and my family has grown a little since then. <p>We have lived here in Missouri for 8 years--so the kids pretty much feel this is home now. I have lots of friends here and we are all pretty established--so a move would be hard for all of us. I don't know---too many decisions. I think I could get a job up there teaching--guess I should start writing and applying for a certificate. I am looking at all options. I am trying to move on--spent the weekend moving out more of my H things---actually just down to the basement for now. Had to go through all the awards and presentations we both got--especially the last few years. We worked well together for his career. It was hard looking at all my "cheerleading" activities I did while supporting his career. I can't help but feel like I was used and thrown aside. I hate feeling this way....hopefully, I will get over it soon. The kids need "me" back and lately I haven't been working up to capacity. <p>I have taken the kids to two great Christmas programs here the last few weeks. For such a little community--they did a superb job. Friends have been very loving and supportive---I couln't ask for better support. But I just feel so empty inside.<p>Thank you for listening...I know I am whining and should definitely be beyond this by now. This is just a hard time of year. We used to love going all out for Christmas--it was fun. It is funny how the kids want everything the same. When some of our ornaments or decorations haven't worked--I have been in the mood to just throw them out--not worth keeping. Amazing how they keep showing back up in the house. The kids don't want anything different--even if it doesn't work. Guess that is their way to have some normalacy too. Well, I had better get to bed...back to work tomorrow. Only 4 days though. I am so lucky to have great kids this year. I am thankful for so many things--among them are my cyber friends here at MB. THANK YOU!!!!

Kev,
Thanks for your prayers. You will be in my prayers too. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Years.....it has to be better for all of us next year. <p>Take Care!!!

I am so glad you laughed.<p>I would move back to Knob in a minute, but didn't think that I could find a job there. Had great friends and it is an awesome little community, I joke that I knew all 2,241 people and their dogs!!! Should've got to college at some point so I would have more job skills. You said 8 years there, we got there in Aug of 94 about the same time. It is so funny we probably know each other.<p>You mentioned that you teach special needs kids, I work in the special ed resourse room at the HS here, I love the kids, they are so cool.<p>Keep posting!! We are all going to need help getting thru the next couple of weeks. The season has always been hard for me, had two parents pass away at this time of year, had a miscarriage, a son and a husbands birthday. H is actually tomorrow. Sent his gifts to OW's house as he is to still be there before coming here. Had a little note on each one, didn't fold them over so she will have to see them. Not nice I know but I don't have to be all the time.<p>Good night! The timer just went off and I have to get the chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. C ya Dawn

That really is funny that we were almost in the same community at the same time. Was your H with the bomb squadron? <p>The people really are great here. I worked hard on the base with my H's position...and I also taught pre-school here. After 4 years of squadron duties, I went back to CMSU and got re-certified in special ed (I have to take 22 hours to get my elementary certificate back)--I have only taught special ed anyway. Then I went to school and work part-time. After two years my H. decided there wasn't any future in staying in the military for him....so I went back to work fulltime to prepare for his retirement. He had 2 affairs during that time. The last one was the fall before he retired. He swore it would never happen again...and I, like a fool, believed him and kept plugging on. I should have seen this coming. I don't know why I thought that by loving him and taking care of our kids and working towards our goals financially would keep us together. I should have known better. I really feel betrayed....altho if I looked at a lot of his behaviors all during our marriage towards both me and the kids---I would have known. It is hard to start looking forward...I have had him in my life for so long....I can't believe he doesn't be want to be married or in this family any longer. What about our life...does he really believe it was that horrible? He has so much animosity towards me. It is hard to take.

Hi Mnm,<p>I am sorry you are still having to put up with such stupidity. It is his stupidity you know, not yours. He is spreading rumors? Why, because you aren't bad enough on your own? That's a compliment you know. If you were really bad, he wouldn't have to make stuff up!!! LOL! <p>That's one way of looking at it. I am getting better at rewriting or reversing fogese's thoughts and history. I remember when H said he told Ow what a bad wife I was, I said 'well if I am that bad and you believed it enough to tell, then you'd just better run back to the greatest catch you every had'. I told him to high tail it to the ow because his wife was just soooo bad. <p>He saw that I didn't buy it. I also told him I would tell others how he felt. Well he knew he was lying and then admitted that he needed to do that to make himself look good. So I agreed to help him make himself look good. Then I asked him to whom did he want to look good, to an OW that he had to lie to or his real family and friends who he didn't have to lie to. Well even in the fog, he figured it out. Then Mrs. PB Rabbit tried to pull him back into the lie and kept saying stuff like 'remember all those bad things you said about your W, remember? you need to remember.....' A futile attempt at making a lie a reality. Kinda like fake boobs. Remember the girls who used to stuff their bras in school? Sometimes it looked good, until they had to undress for pe or swimming.....<p>You have a choice, believe their lie and let it hurt you (it usually does), or take that bull by the horns and send it running with it's tail between it's legs.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

I am sure that we had to have run into each other as I was very involve on base, I was the Enlisted Community organizations president, I aided at the pre school in Knob at the Methodist Church.<p>I did a floral demo the last year I was there for the OSC for one of their luncheons you could of been there. Lets see Marcotte was there when we first got there, then Goslin, and Barnage.<p>Cookies are so good, must get them in the freezer before the kids get them in the morning!!<p>No your life was not that horrible, your WH has to make it out to be that way so he can justify what he is doing, he wasn't happy so it was ok to look elsewhere, NOT!!!!It's called revisioning all WS do it, then they don't have to feel guilty.<p>I read your post to Estes, you should've turned him in way back when, you didn't, you believed he would change, we all want to believe the best about someone else, especially those we love. I am glad that the AF finally decided that we should not lose out entirely after retirement for WS stupid mistakes, we earned that half of the retirement, it is ours!!!!<p>Dawn

Good comments Orchid,<p>You guys do make me laugh...and that is good. Keeps me from crying!!<p>I wish I had a chance to say some things to my H. I am not supposed to communicate with him anymore--I am out of the loop so to speak. Didn't matter anyway--when I did try to talk with him--he didn't understand--he only knows FOGESE now. <p>How does he think he could convince my friends of his lies--that just totally boggles my mind.<p>You are so good Orchid...your H is daft if he doesn't realize what a treasure he has in you. <p>Dawn...yep we were here during the same people. Sat at all those head tables with them---can't tell you how many dinners and coffees I had to help put on. Some of it was fun tho. We had to do all the table decorations for tons of the functions with our squadron. We used that florist in Knob--can't remember the name right now. I don't go on base very often--haven't for the last three years or so. Too busy with the kids and work. This is definitely a small world.

MnM,<p>Good to see you smile [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . Let me know when you need more translation. I am thinking of applying for the history position at WS U. Think I could qualify? I can rewrite their history and make it look real colorful..... Maybe that group Vanilla Ice? didn't lip sync, everyone's hearing aides were turned off. And..... Bill Clinton didn't stain Monica's dress, that was Monica's attempt at making homemade vanilla pudding (without the vanilla)..... YUCK!!!<p>Well maybe I'd better keep my day job!?!?!??LOL!<p>Hey, I am excited about you and Dawn maybe even knowing each other? Anyways keep us posted on how you are doing. Let us know how we can help. <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p>That is too funny!!! I could rewrite a lot of things they say too. Maybe we should start a book!!!?<p>I will keep you posted...this week seems like it is starting out better than last week...thank heavens. Only have to worry about the weekend when the kids are supposed to go. That will be hard. <p>Have to run...am still at work. Take Care

MnM,<p>I read through this thread & I thought you know you sound better than you know.<p>Even though your H had several A's your last D-day wasn't that long ago. things do get better.<p>You have a job. You have kids that love you, are resentful of their dad, (can't help it I love that my sons are of their dad, I try not to encourage it, tell him when they say things that I know he needs to clear up but I really enjoy that they know who to blame)<p>I agree with daybreaks 1st post on here. don't let him get to you. <p>Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy,<p>Wishing you & your kids a very merry christmas & may your kids ruin your H's by reminding of all that he has throw away