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I know that message after message has been posted in this topic of infidelity. But, I don't know where to begin to search for what I need.
My husband told me about two weeks ago that he has been cheating on and off through out the whole 2 years of our marriage. There was not one special person. There were THREE!!! He was just sexing for sex. He says that proves he was not having an "affair", but that he has a problem. Is this true? What do we do?<p>He is very sorry, who wouldn't be? He has said that he will go to counseling. He says that the reason he told me is that he wants to put and end to it and make it right. He says he wants to make me happy. But he has destroyed me. <p>There are so many questions. I don't know how to even begin the process of forgiving him. I am so very in love with him still, but I can't respond to him. I don't want a divorce, but what kind of marriage is this going to be. <p>I am hurting so bad. I tried so hard, I gave more than I had to give. I forgave so many times during our marriage to no avail.I (These were not sex related, or at least if they were, I did not know. It was stuff like staying out late...again. Losing a job, taking the car leaving me with no way to get to or from work, etc.) I don't know if I can ever trust him again! I really need some help with this. I don't know what to do.<p>
How do people survive this? It is really hard.<p>
Tracey M.

Please start with the counseling. That will give you some direction as to where to begin dealing with all the issues. If he really wants counseling that is a step because that shows that he wants to work for healing in your marriage and in his life.<p>I am the BS - found my H with another woman. He came to counseling with me, but I never really felt he was working for change. This went on for months, but in my heart and in my gut I just didn't feel right about what was happening. My H has many problems that came to light 3 weeks ago...he is living with another woman and has an additional girlfriend. If anything, it confirmed within me that I wasn't wrong in my intuition...I didn't see that my H really wanted to change and work on our marriage. <p>I believe that you will know with time if your H wants to change. You will go through a lot...I can't say how long it will take to forgive him, but I came to realize that forgiveness wasn't really about him but about me. It was going to help me heal if I worked toward forgiveness. <p>Please take every day as it comes and trust your gut. It sounds so simple, but it rang so true for me.

So many people here can relate. it's been eight months since my wife's affair and I still struggle daily. It is clearly easier today-a lot really. But the fear and confusion still linger. I've learned so much about myself that i wouldn't know where to begin. i found strength in God-He continues to be my rock. Get help and see true friends on a regular basis. DO what you need to do to help and care for yourself. I empathize with your pain. I KNOW how hard it is-you are not alone. Take care

Hi Tracey,<p>I felt compelled to respond to you, and let you know it IS possible to get through what you're going through. I was on the other end of that same problem between my husband and myself. <p>I was amazed when he said he still loved me, and wanted to work things out! It has taken a long time, and we aren't completely out of the woods quite yet, but are doing much better. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Right now I can only imagine the kind of pain you're going through. But, I also know the pain your husband is going through. Because I went down that road too. It was a feeling like being possessed, uncontrollable, and when you're in the middle of it, you feel like there's no way to break away. Be thankful that somehow he has come back to you!! He loves you too, or he wouldn't have made this choice to get help, and leave it behind him. He might not even be ready to say those words to you yet, but trust me I am sure he does, as sure as I am of my own heart towards my husband [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Faith in God will help you through it, and friends you will make here at MB will be glad to do what they can to comfort you when you're in times of need. And they can sure put a smile on your face when you least expect it! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep coming back. I am sure you'll be glad you did.

Thank you. Thank God for each of your responding to my need. I really needed encouragement. I needed to know that my marriage does not HAVE to be over because of this. I am willing to forgive. I just can't right now. <p>I am a strong Christian. I love God and I know that he is asking, requiring me to forgive. Each time I ask God to help me, my heart literally hurts so bad that I start to cry. I know God is working with me and I know He is working with my husband. I know he loves both of us very much. I still believe that my husband is the one for me. I still love him desperately.<p>Thank you for posting, from the other side of the fence. From point of view of the one who has cheated. It was extremely helpful. I have not taken a lot of time to think about how he feels, or how he must have felt throughout. I am afraid to believe that he loves me or that he has ever loved me. <p>Thank you. Please keep with the encouragement coming. It will help me to know that you have made it through and how you have made it through.<p>Tracey

Tracey,<p>I am so sorry that you are going through this. We all here are facing one of the most painfull experiences life will ever throw at you. Please, read all that you can on this site. Check out Just Found Out for helpfull links on this site.<p>Your pain is so fresh, my D-day was 10-1-01, and I thought the pain would kill me. But it did'nt. I have gone on. Some days were alot harder than others. Some days are still almost impossible, but those are already getting farther and fewer between.<p>Hold on to your faith. Come here and post whenever you need to vent, cry or ask a question. Alot of the people here are so very wise.<p>Needing

Tracey,<p>Yes it is hard but YOU WILL make it thru this. I know it seems hard but you're already off to a good start.<p>He has admitted his A's to you and says he is willing to work on the M. Maybe he does have a problem this would be up to a MC / IC to determine. I would suggest reading Surviving An Affair (if you haven't already). This might give you a little look inside an A to help you deal with it.<p>Keep reading and posting here as there is a wealth of useful information that you can apply in your own M.<p>MITT