<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Sounds like your in-laws do love and support you in this. I say go.<p>I'll be spending Christmas at my in-laws' house, but we're not at quite the same point as you in the whole separation thing (I don't think- I HOPE- that there's an impending DV action).<p>If you can possibly handle it, I say do it. Do it for your children, for your in-laws, and for yourself. It'll be nice to see them, nothing even says you have to talk to H.<p>Try to find a little joy in the joy of your children over this most difficult season.<p>Prayers,
Kev

If in-laws want you...go...it would be good for kids to be involved in family holiday celebrations...as normal as possible is my motto...<p>Let it be about the season and the kids...

Go, this is something you can do and the OW can't. Go if for no other reason it will tick her off.<p>Your kids should do what they have always done. don't even think about the A. Just enjoy.<p>Now I have invitited my STBX to my home for Christmas morning, weird. but this is the last Christmas that YS will believe & I didn't want his dad to miss the excitment, plus it tickes the OW off big time, they live together. And I want my kids next Christmas too.<p>You can go and enjoy yout time with your in-laws. IF you didn't go what you do?

Definitely go. My relationship with my in-laws has actually grown better since my D-day. Even after I informed them of W's affair. They have handled it beautifully on the outside and still love the both of us very much. I'm not sure how they feel about it inside. <p>The funny thing is my wife's part in all of this. Talk about living in the fog. She has no problem with me having all this contact with her parents, but she has very little contact with mine. She has seen them maybe twice in the past year. She has been invited to Thanksgiving and will be invited to see them next week, but has and will refuse.<p>I think its all a part of what makes recovery more possible. She keeps hiding her relationship with the OP and as time goes on that definitely has to wear it down.<p>So again, I would definitely go. I think I remember reading in one of the Harley books how much of a role the extended family plays in achieving any type of recovery.

mylife-<p>Go. Our situation is different because family does not know about WW and the A yet but you need to preserve the good relationship you have with in-laws and it will be important for the kids.<p>Try not to think of yourself as a doormat but if you do, keep out the welcome sign. And, even if you think you are doing a good job meeting WH needs and not LBing, you still need his opinion on this. See if he would spend some time with you helping you see how good of job you are doing by giving some feedback. A specific time and place with no distractions where he can feel safe.<p>Best to you and the family for the holidays.<p>HoFS

Mylife -<p>Yup. I'm doing it! WH told me yesterday that he can't spend Christmas with me because he feels stressed and anxious around me and doesn't want to spend Christmas day like that. (projection or what?) So what am I doing? Going to HIS Aunt's house of course. This is a place we have spent the last 4 years together. A place where we used to live. His Aunt's kids are like our own, and I KNOW he is going to miss it/them. I have the full support of my WH's family and will be in good hands. He, on the other hand, will be with OW and not seeing any of his friends or family this Christmas. Silly man. <p>I think it's the best thing you can do. Carry on as normal, be there for your children, enjoy yourself and sod what your WH thinks! It will be sad and the whole day might even be a giant trigger in itself, but do it. If you've got the support of his family, then there isn't any reason not to. <p>Good luck to you!
venus

Just want to agree with what everyone has already said. Go. Go for the kids, go for you. Go to tick off the OW. Enjoy the holiday as much as possible. Laugh, smile and remember what Chrstmas is all about. Enjoy the love of your in laws. It's all good.<p>Needing

Hello ML, GO!! I had posed a similar question last week and decided to go for my own self and my D. She'll love it and a part of me will love it too. Why stay home and feel sorry for yourself? No way...<p>Go, enjoy and remember...all of which will give you strength to continue this very horrendous journey.

I see this is against the grain, but I just started plan B and I'm going to skip the in-laws traditional family gift exchange the Saturday after Christmas. I'm just now sending a letter to all of them explaining why. In general terms but with no details about reasons for the separation. <p>I still talk to them, but I can't spend hours with my wife in a social setting. If she weren't going to be there, then I would go.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Chiming in late here...been over my head in coding all day...<p>I say go. <p>1. It will cause friction btwn H and OW. She obviously can't be included if you are there! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
(this was a big problem for my H - his OW wanted to be included and introduced to his family and he couldn't do so..his family loved me, I was totally involved with them...)<p>2. Regardless of what happens btwn you and H, they are still your kids grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins...and your kids need as much family around them as possible...<p>3. His family being on your side, especially if you pull of a great plan A, will be (in my opinion) a key factor in his decision to come home after the end of the affair.