Well,<p>Last night was interesting. My WH had a business dinner last night and got home at about 10:30. He was in a good mood and I could tell he wanted to talk. So, instead of just listening with half an ear, and watching TV out of the corner of my eye, I muted the TV and actually listened to him. Asked him questions about the evening. Showed him that his job and life are important to me.<p>It was a nice chat, then I can't remember exactly how it came up, he started talking about us. About his feelings. I was mostly quiet. I did not interupt or try to educate him as to why he was feeling the way he is. I did ask him questions if what he said was not clear to me, but I asked in a non-confrontational way. Or I would repeat back to him what he said in a little different way, so that I could be sure I understood.<p>Then out of the blue he told me that some things had happened a couple weeks ago that gave him an epipheny. Things I did and things OW did. I asked him what he meant and he said that he finally understood that I would always stand by him. That she would not. That for her it was a competition to see if she could win him away from me. But, he knew that I really cared about his feelings. He said that after I first found out he thought we were both just fighting to try and "win" him and that nobody was thinking about how he felt. Now he see's that I care about him and truly want him to be happy.<p>Now, all of this said, he still says that he can't see a future for us as a married couple. I just said I know. He said, but you still have hope don't you. I just said yes, no elaboration, just yes.<p>We went to bed, did a little more talking. He said that he thought it was strange that we could be talking about how our relationship was on the rocks (his words) but still be lying next to each other in bed, talking quietly, without anger. I did'nt really have an answer for that so I did'nt say anything. Just told him that it was getting very late and we sould both go to sleep or we would be sorry in the morning. I then asked him if it would be OK if I touched his back, nothing sexual, just to touch. He said that was OK, so I did. Then he said "you know I don't enjoy not having sex either". I was kind of surprised and just said that I understood that, and that was not why I wanted to touch him. He calmed down right away and said I know. <p>Well, as we settled down to sleep, I said I love you. He said that I could really make him angry sometimes. I said, why, because I say I love you. He said yes. That it makes him angry because he knows I mean it now and where was that feeling when it would have mattered. When he needed to hear it. I just said, I'm sorry. I know you are hurting now and that I hurt you then, I just want you to know that I am sorry, I never did not love you, I just had it buried under a lot of crap back then and was not able to let you know how much I loved you, but I always have.<p>He was quiet for a minute, then we both just said good night.<p>So, finally I made it through a talk without flying off the handle, trying to educate or making disrespectfull judgments. It feels great. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I am going to bask in the warmth of a Plan A well done. It really did feel good not to lose control for once.<p>Just my update. Still praying for a Christmas miracle, at least for more time. That he not leave in January and gives me more time to change and evolve into the woman and wife I relly want to be. Only consistent actions on my part are going to demonstrate to him that the changes I am trying to make in my life are for real and forever, not just a ploy to win him back. (Which he also has mentioned that he used to think, but now see's that's not true) Yea!!<p>Needing
