This is the first time I have posted anything. I normally sit back and read and try to relate stories that others tell to my own. <p>My husband of 9 years told me on Tuesday that he wants a divorce. He loves me but not enough to stay married to me. He said he is unhappy and can't go on like this anymore. A little background on us. We dated for 5 years then got married. After about 6 years of marriage he had an affair, that of course ya dee ya dee, wasn't physical. This lasted about 9 months. He never would admitt to it until one day I called his office and the phone rolled over to her phone since she was the secretary. After that he got fired, for various reasons, and his life fell apart. There I was to pick him up. He now tells me that when that all happened he thought God was telling him to stay with me. So he did. We went to counseling and worked some things out...I thought. We now have a 1 year old daughter and he is telling me he wants a divorce.<p>He says there is no passion in the marriage and he wants someone who knows him better than he knows himself. He says there is no one else, but I don't know what to believe. All I know is he doesn't want to go to counseling. I feel devistated and don't know what is up from down right now. Does any of this sound familiar? Please let me know.

Flags are going up in my mind! These are my WH words and I found out 3 weeks later that he was in a PA.<p>My heart goes out to you!<p>Le

FOLKS, DO YOU GET THE PICTURE? I'M TIRED OF SEEING OW ON PAGE ONE WHILE OTHER MEMBERS ARE LANGUISHING IN PAIN HERE ON PAGE 2!!!<p>
BUMP BUMP BUMP!!!!

dallas,<p>I am so sorry for what you are going through. I really don't have any wonderfull advise. Read everything you can here. If you understand Plan A, have you tried implementing it? Please don't forget, plan a is about you. Not winning your H back, sometimes thats a nice benefit though.<p>Please keep posting here. The time of year and some of the "hot" posts have distracted many of the members who can give you really great support.<p>Just know that you are not alone. We all share your pain here. We all want our marriages back, better, stronger and forever.<p>Take Care of Yourself, thats the first step.<p>Needing<p>P.S. Kevco, I could not agree with you more!!!!

dallas:<p>Sirens and alarms! They lie, lie, lie until faced with fairly overwhelming evidence. Hate to say it but I would be surprised if there wasn't something else going on with another person.<p>Read up on this site. If you are of a mind to try, it is still possible to recovery your M.

Dallas,<p>Hugz...... ask him why? His reason doesn't make sense. See the fog rolling in? Keep a clear head Dallas. A little one is depending on you. So ask for clarification but be prepared for what may spew out of his mouth. <p>If it makes sense, you will know. If it doesn't don't accept it. Be prepared that if you are having to pull the truth out of him, you may get the brunt of his anger. When that happens back away but don't agree to lies. Just let him know that when he calms down and can tell you the truth, you will listen. No more, no less. <p>Of course, that is just my opinion. I hope it is not as bad as others have suffered. <p>Take Care,
L.

I talked to him today and asked again why. He says that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. He says he can't say that about me. He has tried to make himself feel that way about me, but he just doesn't. Recently I reminded him of just how much of his B.S. I have put up with over the last 14 years. He said today that if I had done even one of the things he did, he can't honestly say he would have stayed around. <p>
So do I just accept this and quit fighting???

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Dallas,<p>Could it be that we are 'neighbors'?<p>Tons of good advice posted ^, especially what 'mylife' said. I do think that your h may be involved at least emotionally with someone. Sounds exactly like what mine told me last year when he was involved in an EA and left me to pursue it.
He doesn't want someone 'who knows him better than he knows himself'...that person doesn't exist. However, most people won't lie to him the way he can lie to himself so that makes them less 'attractive' to him.
I suggest counseling right away. Zsa Zsa Gabor once said 'men are like fires, left unattended, they go out'. That can be said about passion and love. We have to tend the fire and continually stoke it with fresh wood. If he won't go to counseling, go yourself. It will be of great help to you anyway.
Best of luck. Please let us know how it's going.