My H is just so irresponsible lately, but he thinks not.. he is enjoying the single life... I guess... he plays in dart tournaments, goes to kareoke nights, and drinks alot... he did this anywya.... before he left... the drinking too much part... he started the bar life... and I was unahppy with it, due to coworkers invites, etc. we have 2 boys... and I like taking them to church , etc. and I take my older son to piano, etc. baseball, the younger one does not need to be out late anyway... ANYWAY>.. he , my H... just does not realize this is non family oriented... well I am sure he does a bit, but he wants me to embrace dart playing like the OW loved to do, and got him into it... since he thinks it is fun now...he is at a dart tournament tonight... I say if you are going to be out at night... why don't you go back to school and finish your undergrad.. I have a yr. of law school and an mba,... and if I could get away at nights I would love to go back to law school... which I am planning on applying... in fact I am getting ready to fill out the apps soon... anyway... I am starting to think this is a sign that the marriage will continue to have trouble since maybe my H has such a different lifestyle in mind... that we are not on same wavelenght.. over the yrs.. he has b een an at home kind of guy.. and recently the bar scene has come with the affair... and his new lifestyle... I am sooo hurt... I want my h to want to be at home raising a family and being a husband and a dad... <p>But, maybe he is just in a temporary phas... I do not know... I really wish I could know.. I think time will tell.. <p>
He is showing interest in working on marriage and even got upset when I sd. I do not think he is trying hard enought... etc... but he is really just not totally there... maybe all the yrs of drin king and the current drinking damage who he is.<p>thanks for any feedback... I just wonder if lots of men do this... he has been irresponsible most of the marriage so I am beginning to think this is how he likes it... I do not want to fight and beg him to be responsible, etc.<p>thanks, l

Oh, but the women do it equally as well. It's all about being "free" and being with their friends. Whether the friend is the OP or not, it's all immaterial. They simply check out and decide not to be responsible. They start drinking more, doing recreational drugs, having parties to go to and generally not being at home to raise the family.<p>I've heard it all--business trips that never existed to all day forays on the lake that ended up in overnights at a "friends" house. It's crap, really. <p>You need to either be in Plan A or B. Make the decision the do it. Hopefully you can plan A and roll with it. Pray to God that things will work out, but being a doormat can only go on for so long.<p>God Bless,<p>Guido

Hey, Honey. It's defintly not just a man thing. Your husband sounds, in many ways, like me wife. Bars, new friends, etc.<p>It's the new single life. Be careful. If he says he wants to work on things, make sure his actions match.<p>Look out for Honey..<p>
Dan

thanks for the replies, I didn't think it was just a man thing, it is an irresponsilbe person thing. WS are selfish and immature... thanks, l

Oh yeah! My H made the statment "I just want to be back in my college days and not have any responsibilities." So he basically declared himself 21 again. Hanging out in bars was OW's favorite hobby, so it all worked out well. I was finding empty liquor bottles in his car, he started smoking pot and chain smoking cigarettes (he'd always been an anti cigarette person). It was all one big party until the fog started to clear he realized that pretending to be 21 when you are 35 makes you look like an [censored], and it's not nearly as much fun as it was when you actually were that age. In his case, it was a passing phase. He couldn't be dragged to one of those bars now. Once the A ended the drinking, pot smoking, and even cigarette smoking came to a screeching halt (and I never said a word about any of it).

Hi Honey,<p>No, this is common for the WS. My WW who never liked the bars and parties, goes to them now and stays out late. Not all the time, but when she goes out, she does not come home until late. She went out with friends to a house warming party last Saturday night. After the party, W called to say that she was going over to her girlfriend's house for pizza. Next time I heard from her was the next morning when I called over there and my W said she decided to stay over. I have no idea what she did that night and with who.

She worked for a company for 12 years. The youngest person working there besides my W was 64 years old. My W got a new job 2 years ago and ever since she started A with OM at new job, she loves to go out and about. She started to go out more ever since the A started. It's not just with OM, but her friends as well. We too have two children, but she does not care. She is more conserned about her clothes and the purfume she puts on. Basically, she is sowing her oats now. Unfortunally, she's 38 years old and has two small children at home. She thinks she's single again.<p>I agree with guidobalata that you can be a door mat only for so long. Good Luck.<p>Dino