My counselor took us each in seperately and talked to us. She asked me how I could stay in a relationship where he would never commit to me again, I said I don't know. I love him. I told her that I had been thinking about and had decided that after Christmas I was going to decide if it was enough or not. She talked to my h. for 45 minutes. When we got home, he told me that she told him that she recommended that he leave me-at least move out and then he could still come down to my house everyday. Does this make sense to anyone? She told him it would be good for him to leave me, the state, and go somewhere else. She's suppose to be my t. and she's telling him to leave??? Everyone keeps telling him, if you don't feel like being there right now, than leave. I told him if he left, or wanted to that's fine, but no coming down everyday. It would be final, over, we could work out some kind of friendship or something for our son, but other than that, over. Please somebody tell me something. Is this all normal? I need some opinions, please.

Man I have been here. Not with a Counselor.....but with all my WH's friends....and even my own family. All of them telling him that if he wasn't happy to leave.<p>First things first. He will listen to who he wants to listen to and he will do what he wants to do. We all know that.<p>Is what he's offereing enough for you? Looks like you might have to seriously start thinking about that now.<p>Maybe the counselor was thinking along the lines of him moving out....being by himself...to figure out exactly what it is that he wants? Maybe it sounds worse than what it is?<p>I'm sorry for what you are going through....really sucks going through this during the Holidays.<p>Take care,
Heather

The counselor that my wife and I vist seperately recommended that my wife get away. She suggested my wife take a trip and go there alone. If that be to Arizone, Florida, where ever. I think she was suggesting this so that my wife would get away and maybe do some clear thinking. Well my wife left on 12/16/01 and won't be back until 1/2/01. She went back to where she is from which is Croatia. It has killed me not having my wife around to talk with about our whole state of our marriage. But then at the same time it would of drove me and my wife nuts because I want answers and she doesn't want to talk. Just make sure your husband goes somewhere that he can do some thinking. Not off to party or have a good old time. I wish you all the best. This has been real hard on me with my wife gone and not knowing how she will come back.
But to answer your question our counselor recommended the same thing.

rethink the counselor you are seeing, find one who will use the mb concepts... this is the best advice I have right now... I also have a counselor giving advice I don't like that my son sees, and we are discussing it with him on friday. Talk to the counselore.... thanks, l

That is part of the reason I am very leary of counseling. It can be a double edged sword if you don't pick your counselor carefully, and it can make things worse. I'd try to find another one ASAP. The first counselor I went to (by myself) only wanted to prepare me for the "eventual end of the marriage".

Rainefall<p>You should speak to the counselor b-4 doing anything. What you are hearing is what you H says she said.<p>It may not be exactly as he is presenting it.<p>In any case you would at least get the C's resoning even if it is accurate...<p>good luck <p>E

I plan on discussing it with my counselor, but I also have decided that I do not want to have "individual" counseling moments. Does this sound stupid? I'm tired of being in a triangle with my h. and other people, I really don't want to be there with someone who is suppose to be helping me. If I thought that he would go off and really think, heck, I wouldn't have a problem letting go, but he's talking "leaving". He has moved out 3 times since we've been married and I have moved out once. I value sanity and I do not think that him moving again will benefit our son. I told him before he moved back in that if he did than that meant he wanted to work on it, if he doesn't than he can leave, but I'll move on. I'm not playing games anymore, my children are too important.