<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OOOO,<p>We are ENABLERS!!!! Sometimes good (when appreciated), othertimes bad (when expected). <p>I spoil my H and you spoil your W. Wonder what would happen if 2 of their kind get together??? <p>Oh, I already know the answer to that one.
My FIL & MIL are such a pair and right now they are divorced. FIL is more of the enabler & only
now is the MIL realizing & working on her true issues. <p>So is there hope for these younger whippersnappers? Hm....... what do you think?<p>Aloha,
L.<p>ps: Hey, you want me to remove my post also?<p>[ December 20, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

ONOFF,<p>Sounds like both of you are not following the basic rules (Policys) of MB. <p>Policy of mutual agreement, (Who does what)<p>Policy of undivided attention. Scheduleing and reviewing time each week.<p>How about identifying each others needs, Emotional needs questionair. And both of you are doing some love busting. Complete the love busters questionair.<p>"Never ever give up"<p>Winston Churchill<p>Back to basics befor throwing in the towel.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OnOFF,<p>If she refuses then you must get creative. How, gradally work a question into conversation, or if you cant't afford counseling with the harley's. Buy the books. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OffOnOnOff:
<strong>...<p>[ December 20, 2001: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OnOff,<p>Sorry to hear about your wife,<p>What is her position on wanting a happy marriage?<p>Have you ever had one session with Steve H.?

OOOO, <p>Just a thought.....wild and crazy one.....when my H is out there in la la land..... and it frustrates me....I start talkin' to the wall. <p>Sometimes the 'wall' answers. Ya know? I let my H see that I have something to say, he can choose to listen or not but when I am talking to the wall he seems to listen more. Kinda a fog thing. They think that if you are talking directly to them you are attacking them or invading their privacy or something dumb like that. So I told my thoughts to the wall and H answered!!! I have told this tale several times. It is true. Crazy but true. Maybe I just have a 'special guy'.....or maybe the walls in my house do respond?!?!?!!? LOL! You know, like the single ply houses in Hawaii? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] The kind where the neighbors can hear you snoring at night and other kind stuff? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
L.

Orchid, Are You on Medication? LOL Perhaps it sohuld be adjusted.LOL

Nope, running on andrenaline right now. The work I am in doesn't stop for no one...... hm.... the government wants their $$$$ all the time. LOL!!<p>This is one of the busiest times of the year for me and to also have to deal with those who are careless in submitting their work late (again and again) tends to make me synical..... he he he. But I keep my sense of humor as a safety check. <p>My staff just went home and I am winding down. Crazy or what?!?!? But it gets the bills paid and believe it or not, we are not allowed to fall behind in anything regardless if others do or not. Does that sound familar?<p>When I first learned about the fog and A stuff, it sure related well to the kind of people I have to deal with. Having to deal with it so close to home was hard. I learned a lot here and even able to adapt some of what I learned at mb at work and it worked!!! <p>So no, I am not on any medication right now. Running on my own and been that way for a while. Am I crazy? Hope not. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

OnOff;<p>All on this sounds very familiar to me. Must be aliens fromthe same planet that invaded my W's head. <p>Scrape together another $120, and call him again, he will give you direction.
Has she ever spoken to him??<p>
He may be able to get her on the phone.

Hey OOOO, I can identify somewhat with your situation. Before the affair, my wife and I shared household and parenting duties. Of course, her being the perfectionist, whatever I did was never good enough. The similarity with your W is that my W would DO NOTHING to put in effort to our relationship. The house was spotless, the frig full and neat, the clothes clean and put away. SHE WOULD SPARE NO EFFORT TO MAKE EVERYTHING THE BEST IT COULD BE - except our relationship, which got no attention from her. I tolerated this for years when I should have been seeking advice from a counselor.<p>So, my advice to you is to see a counselor. I believe Steve can help, but you may have to find a local if you want to entice your wife to participate eventually. My wife will never "lower my (her) standards to talk to a 'phone counselor' or go to that internet chat room (this forum)."<p>In the meantime, I validate your frustration.

OOOO<p>You know what I think, Dave, told you too.<p>Also, why do you run out of food, if your W will only go shopping on certain days, why doesn't she buy enough to last from visit to visit?<p>Now domestic support was one of STBX's biggest complaints against me, I rather be reading, shopping or more than likely I was volunteering at the boys schools, or driving them from place to place but none of that counted as I didn't keep the "perfect house" but we always had cleaned clothes (you might have to take it out of the basket) & there was always milk (I might have been making the midnight run)<p>Does your W really know what your EN are? She might think you are happy with you doing all the stuff, just a wierd thought.<p>Happy Holidays. ENJOY yourself, your kids, & yes even your W. think about what it would be if you were divorced, would you rather be living like you are or only having your kids for period of times. Think carefuly, because I can tell you there are advantages to not living with a person who has hurt & made you so very unhappy.<p>sing
who holds the record for most trips to the grocery store in one day

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

Hi,<p>About the Steve counseling session? Make it anyway. Do it with her around if you want or can. My H did not want to participate then ended up talking with Steve for 50 of the 60 minutes. Then whilest in the fog, he came out of that session saying he didn't like Steve. <p>Oh.... there goes $120.00? Nope, I am glad Steve talked to him. Even if only 2 words stuck in his head, that's $60.00 a piece. Better spent on that than the stinkin' ow. LOL!! <p>Take Care,
L.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OffOnOnOff:
<strong>Orchid,
I&#8217;m thinking about talking to Steve after the holiday. I know the $$$ is tight, but I think it will help. The thing is I have not talked to him for a long time he might not remember what my situation is and might require more than one or two sessions. That will be K-ching and k-ching on my part. Do they have a relief fund for infidelity victim? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Would think he have files. glad you are thinking, call today make an appointment.

OOOO,
He will definately have a file on you, it will help to E-mail him an update a few days prior to your session. He won't respond but he will read it print it and put it in yourfile.<p>I was listening to His needs/Her Needs tape today and thought of you. Why not plan B while still living together. Werite her the letter and give her the conditions. We can help edit.<p>[ December 22, 2001: Message edited by: dadoftheyear ]</p>

Hi OOOO,<p>Relief fund for "A" victim? Good question. We banttered that one around here when I first came. So many need to talk to Steve but could not afford it. Wanted to start of fund of sorts but no one ever did. <p>It shouldn't take Steve too long to recall you situation. He does keep files on his clients.
He was able to reiterate to me his conversation with based on his notes (on the parts he could tell of course).<p>So how are you doing? Ok? Let us know. Looks like there is a small crew around for support this weekend. <p>Take Care,
L.