Hi gang......surfed on into this site this evening, while looking up co-dependency on Google.<p>Firstly.....a little info about myself. I'm a TV weatherman in Canada, and am married to a wonderful woman, who is an O.R. Nurse. This is the second marriage for both of us. We've been married for five years. She brought two kids into the marriage. The bio. father is an alcoholic, and drug abuser who my wife was married to for twenty years. She was delighted to have me take over the father figure role.....or so she said. When it came time to BE the father figure, such as setting up rules, or exerting any authority, I was shot down by my wife. She protected the kids with the savagery of a wolverine. Needless to say, she is VERY overprotective. Over the years......what the kids wanted, they got. This included staying out late, no discipline, all the goodies materialistically you could ask for, and the list goes on, and on, and on. The young boy, who is now fifteen, has been feigning illness to get what he wants for years. I read through it and called my wife on it, but was told that she was the nurse, and she knows when her son is sick. Unfortunately, every doctor that the boy has seen says that there's nothing wrong with him physically. To make a long story short, the school board is on my wife'c case about his non-attendance at school, and is forcing the boy into an in-residence three week assessment program. The councillors there and I have grave reservations as to whether this program is going to work, because of my wife's denial and co-dependency habits.<p>Her daughter is eighteen, has a booze problem, and my wife drives her to the bar!!!!!!! Go figger!!!! This young lady goes out at night, brings home her girlfriend, who also has an alcohol problem,sleeps all day, does not go to school, does not hold a job!!!!!!<p>I am living in a nightmare, and don't know how much more of this I can take. If it sounds like I'm reaching out for help, I am.<p>Easy Does It.<p>Ronstorm.

You are seeing first hand the result of what happens to someone living in close proximity with the cunning, powerful, baffling disease called Alcoholism.<p>Sometimes, the co-dependents, end up more crazy and disfunctional than the alcoholic. You see, while the alcoholic gets to live numbed and protected from reality by the fog and padding of booze.<p>Co-dependents experience the disease stone cold sober. <p>And one of the things that all of us said, while in denial: "HE's the one with the problem, nothing is wrong with ME!" And then, we sulked and pouted and fumed because we had to go to Al-Anon meetings because of THEIR disease.<p>I don't know what the answer is for you - except that you might go to some Al-Anon meetings yourself. But that's what your wife really really needs. Unfortunately, unless she WANTS it, she isn't going to see the need to do this.<p>You see, her problems are simple - if the people around her would just love her enough to LISTEN to what she tells them to do, and do it all exactly as she dictates, her life will be fine. There's nothing wrong with her - its all you selfish unloving people who need to be lovingly educated about how to really get things done.<p>Sound familiar? I know because I used to be that way. I still struggle with it. I was miserable and angry about the people in my life who didn't love me. If everyone around me would just love me enought to CHANGE how I wanted them to change....well then my life would be fine. But because you selfish people wouldn't listen ... my life was hell. (Can you hear the sobs of the martyr crying "woe is me!"?)<p>Years of enabling and guilt and co-dependency is what is driving your wife's parenting habits. Having to compensate not just for the "absence" of a parent - she was stuck trying to compensate for a destructive parent. There were probably many times that she was left feeling that she was the ONLY thing between her kids and danger (imagined or real).<p>Anyway, I hope this gives you some insight. I'm sorry I don't have answer that would fix the situation. She needs help - sadly many co-dependents never get it, because they think the problem is everyone else.