Ok. I'm nervous, but I feel good. I wrote him a letter, told him it's not ok for him to punish me daily for my a., but than have no responsibility for his own. I told him that if he were just living with me because he felt obligated to, than too bad, that's not enough. I'm sorry, but being with him and listening to how I should just listen to him and how sorry, but I just have to accept that "he loves me", but he will never do anything or feel anything romantic for me again, that's just making me resentful and building my anger. I told him, if he wanted to be my h. and work on our relationship, than great. But if he's only here because he feels bad that I'm pregnant, sorry I'm not going to be anyone's way of making themselves feel better. Why should I make him feel better, when it tears me down. I refuse to do this anymore.

Rainfall, <p>Sounds like a letter you had to write. One of Dr. Harley's books, SAA I think, as a few pages on a story of a woman whose H was punishing her constantly for her affair. He advised her to tell her H about what you told yours.<p>I think that some BS's act that way because they believe they are supposed to. It's sort of a convensional wisdom type of thing. The anger also gives them a lot of power in the relationship.<p>Let us know how it goes.<p>[ December 21, 2001: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Rainefall,<p>I agree with zorweb, even when us BS pass through the most awfull hurt in our lives we should not abuse our spouses, we should know better, because we are supposed to love them. I am sorry your H is doing this to you.

RAINEFALL,<p>Good for you, you needed to do this and you did, I am sure that it was very hard to do as you are scared I am sure of what his response is going to be!!!<p>Put that armour on sweety and stand up to him, you can and you must for yourself and your children, you need to be the best that you can be and he is not allowing you to do that, it is a hard enough battle without someone pulling you in the other direction!!!!<p>Happy holidays to you and yours and please come back and post to us daily.
Dawn

Ok, here's the letter, let me know what you think.<p>H,<p>I guess I got it, finally. I know why you are here and it's not the right reason. I want you to be with me, because you love me, because you want to rebuild a life with me, not because you feel guilty. I won't come around anymore, since you are embarassed to be seen with me.<p>We don't need to discuss this until after Christmas, then we can fill in the blanks. I'm sorry that I caused you so much grief.
I keep asking you why you are here, because I keep hoping to hear that it's because you love me.
I'm sick of always having to act one way or another for everybody. I'm not perfect, I never will be, butI will love myself and I will build a good life for my children.<p>I hope you enjoy your presents, I got them because I love you. Merry Christmas, I hope that your life becomes everything you have always desired. May this New Year indeed bring a happy change to your life.<p>Since, he has already stated he is embarassed for people to know that he is back with me and that he doesn't want to be with me, I thought "what better time to start over than the new year" [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

"The truth shall set you free"....
Free to be you
Free to move forward
Free to be honest
Free to love yourself again
Free to make your own path
Free to be loved for who you are<p>There are many reasons for that letter, but the best one.....its for YOU! I am proud that you reached "that time" and stood up for what you believe. Merry Christmas...it was the best present you could give/receive...it will lead to greater things, even no matter what he decides.<p>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<p>Trueheart