<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Oh dear,<p>He is bullying you. If you can't make these 'last minute' plans of his then tell him. Say "you have not given me enough time. When I have enough time and can accomodate your request to then the children will be available. By the way, I have concerns about the children being around OW". How does he plan to handle that? If he gives you any lip then say, ok you are now sounding scary for me and the children, I may have to look into taking protection ourselves until he can show he is not scaring you and the children. You have little ones who may not be able to defend or fend for themselves. You as a mother have that right. Restraining order are issued when welfare of the family is involved. <p>Do you have your in-laws support? Giving him the children when he is in an angry state is not safe. Make sure you let him know this. <p>Is this to strong of a response? <p>L.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Hi, <p>Well you sound like you know your circumstances and ultimately the decision is yours. Please make sure you and your children are not in any danger. If your in-laws are not willing to look out for the interests of you and your children then take whatever precautionary measures necessary that will allow the visit yet provide a measure of protection. <p>Expecting others to watch your children for you without you there while suppposedly in your H's care is not in my opinion a safe path. For me,I would make sure everyone knew my request not to have this OW around my children whether he had plans to or not. <p>I would let him know your stand and acknowledge that you are aware he may not be happy with your decision (before you even tell him what it is) but that it is necessary for the safety of your children. If he mouth offs in anyway, you have your proof then say, well then I guess they can't go and I will call your family to let them know why. <p>Again, this is my opinion. I am very adamant where children are concerned. Guess I should be more so for myself as well. <p>Please take care. I know you love your H but when his conduct is not loving to you and your children he needs to know that you know this and will take appropriate action. You don't have to let him know what that action means until he is ready to reasonably discuss it. I used to let my H know how I felt by giving him someone else's situation. He could easily see a WS jerk if it was in someone else's family, then I would 'gently remind him that we are dealing with the same situation.' Sometimes it worked. For me more often than not. <p>Take Care,
L.

Hello mylife,<p>Here is what I have learned from my son's situation (My S is BS, my DIL is WS.).<p>If there is no legal ruling in effect, the children are as much yours as they are his. You have as much legal say as he does. We learned that there could be a restraining order filed to keep your kids away from the OW. Until that happens there is not anything you can do to keep your H from having the children around the OW when they are with him.<p>About this weekend, are you anxious mostly about their being around her, or that you won't get to see them for so long, or that your H won't let you have them back? Will you get them back at Christmas Eve Mass and have them Christmas day?<p>If you feel that the children are safe with their father otherwise and you will have them back for Christmas, you might decide to let them go with him. You can't keep him from going around OW, unfortunately.<p>Has your H threatened you, using the kids as means to control you? That possibility worries me. You might consider retaining you own attorney very soon judging from the way you describe your H's behavior.<p>Plan A is not about letting H have his way. It's about being strong and caring and protecting your family. Your H's behavior is unacceptable and a little scarey.<p>Let us know what you decide.<p>Estes

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Hi, <p>I didn't realize you were pregnant and caution you to take care of yourself. The way your H is acting is unfortunately typical of this fog A stuff. <p>You are wise to have someone else when you have any interaction. Whether your in-laws back him or you, they know they are now responsible for his actions or lack of when your children are with them. <p>You will have to let a bit go on controlling him. You are not controlling him when it comes to your children. I know you must be tired and really don't need this stress at 7 months pregnant. But if you can get the book, love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson, it might do you some good in the way of support. <p>I will keep you and your family in my prayers. <p>Hugz.
L.

mylife,<p>I see that you do not have to look far for an attorney. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am so a different person now. But I guess WH still feels he can't control himself - like he needs protection from a 7th month pregnant woman. <hr></blockquote><p>It sounds like you are saying you believe that your H was justified in pushing and bruising you because you provoked him. Am I wrong? He assaulted you, mylife. He sounds dangerous. Please be careful.<p>Don't let him intimidate you, threaten you, or manipulate you with the kids. That is emotional abuse. Emotional and physical abuse! Surely you have good grounds to get custody of the kids and visitation for him.<p>You are not the cause of his infidelity and you certainly are not the cause of his abusive behavior.<p>Please take care,
Estes