Hello!<p>Well, I made it to H's Aunt's house. Having a good time, although there are quite a few triggers here for me. Their kids, the house, the room where H and used to sleep, etc...but all in all, I'm doing well. <p>Haven't heard much from H since Friday. He texted me and rang me a few times and kept saying "thank you so much for helping me last night" over and over. I just said "you're welcome" and "that's what love is all about". Kept it light, didn't judge him or scold him. Not my job to, is it? I know he is at OW house, which is why I haven't heard from him since Friday night. I get the sneaking suspicion that she doesn't allow him to text me or phone me when he's with her. I hope that is truly a LB for him. His Aunt and I have been sending him texts telling him what we've been up to, that the kids miss him and we wish he was here. <p>Also found out that H will not only be spending Christmas with OW, but with her brother and his family, as well. This would explain why he kept saying to me he was "stressed out" about Christmas, although he told me it was because he hasn't got all his presents yet. You see, he doesn't do very well in situations with new people. I finally figured out he's stressed because he's meeting her family, possibly for the first time, although this can't be confirmed. And do they know he's married? And if not, what would they think about their precious OW being involed with a MM AGAIN? The mind boggles. <p>But the thought of him meeting her family really makes me sick to my stomach. Here I am, his wife, spending Christmas with his family while he immerses himself in OW and HER family. I can barely stand the thought of it. <p>I also had further thoughts on OW after hearing her messages to him on Thursday night. The part where she said, "I DO WISH you could take care of yourself when I'm not there to do it for you" made me so angry. But it all makes sense. She can't have children, you see. And I know she wants them desperately. The mother/son relationship with my H really hit home after hearing her messages. She does seem to treat him like a child and act like his mother (something he's accussed ME of doing!) and is he so deep in the fog that he can't see it? I'm scared for him. <p>I'm also scared about him meeting her family because I think that once he does, it will be harder for him to break it off with her if/when he chooses to do so. I know this meeting probably wasn't his idea. Given the choice, he wouldn't put himself in a position to spend a day with people he doesn't know. So did she do this to reel him in even further? And why did he agree to it in the first place? As you can tell, his Aunt and I have been discussing this at great lengths. We both know my H so well, and all this behaviour is so out of character. We all fear she has him trapped. I know there is nothing I can do, and yet I feel so helpless. <p>So, despite everything, I am enjoying my time here, spending time with their kids and getting a lot of support from H's Aunt and Uncle. But it still hurts. I'm going to phone up H's Mom today and see how she is. I know H's plan was to go up to visit her today and leave tomorrow. I would, at the very least, like to let my MIL know how much I love her son and want to work on our M.<p>Christmas just isn't the same without my H. But I will survive. <p>I hope you are all well. Will read and post some more later today. <p>Big hugs,
VE

{{{VE}}}
Just wanted to encourage you a little. You see, you are so lucky that you have your H's Aunt on your side of things. My H has a family that has no morals (his mom walked out on his dad when her two youngest children were 10 and 7, she left a note on the dresser and never looked back). I have no one on my H's side who thinks that we should work on our M. We have been married almost 17 years; 3 children. My H's mom says "whatever you need to do, YOUR happiness comes first!" So, he's not getting very wise counsel. I think that you are doing SUCH a wonderful Plan A (mine really sucked). You are being the loving supportive wife. If you are trying to change your controlling, mothering ways, you can BET that your H will see that eventually. The fact that OW is VERY CONTROLLING and MOTHERING will not escape your H. After a time, you are going to look SOOOOOO attractive to your H. Just keep up what you're doing; it's working. My H and I are divorcing (his wishes). I am on my last Christmas with his family. We had our first one last night with my H's dad's side. I was doing REALLY well, until his grandma came up to us and hugged us and said "I hear there's trouble." I started to CRY, had to leave the room and compose myself. Please be joyful that you are spending time with your H's family at this time. Look forward JOYFULLY to next Christmas, as I feel that you and your H will once again be spending that time together. My prayer for you is that you will be content; right where you are today. <p>PEACE<p>MOM

venusenvy,
Christmas just isn't the same without my H. But I will survive. <p>We are all survivor here, we had managed to survive D-day now we have to wait 'till A dies naturally. It seems that there is a lot against your H's A, sooner or later H will figure out.<p>Hang in there.

Venus, hang in there sweetie.<p>My H's family was a key factor in his decision to come home. Like your H's family - they loved him but were completely supportive of me.<p>This threw a major wrench into the works for my H and his OW - she hated that his family would not accept her and included ME in all family activities.<p>You are exactly where you need to be. I suspect this could be a very good event - he's probably very unhappy and feeling sorry for himself right now. You may not see the results for a while, but I'll bet he's doing some very hard thinking.<p>You are right - sounds like he is being pushed, pulled and dragged into making a committment to the OW. Fortunately for you, this kind of behavior usually backfires.<p>((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))<p>How about sitting down in a quiet moment and writing up a list of things that are GOOD in your life, and what you have to be grateful for....<p>You'll feel alot more Christmasy afterwards [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi everyone and thanks for the encouragement. <p>Feeling a bit more down as the day wears on. H's Aunt spoke briefly to H's Mom. She said he borrowed a car from "a company" to get there. Asked what car it was - of course it turned out to be OW's. WHY he would lie to his own Mother is beyond me, but considering the fog, I'm not really that surprised. She said he arrived at her house this afternoon, said two words to her and then left to go shopping. No surprises there. Conflict avoider that he is. There is no doubt in my mind that he will spend as little time as possible with them, just so he won't have to face anything. It makes me sad. His mother loves him and worries about him, and he can't even give her the time of day. <p>Haven't heard a peep from H all day, which doesn't help things at all. But you are all right. I should be grateful that I have the support of H's family. <p>Myownme, I'm SO sorry to hear about your H's family. I can't imagine going through this without their support. It just goes to show that our pain comes in different ways, and no one's is more or less than the others. My thoughts are with you this Christmas!<p>Redhat- I hope you're right. I hope the A dies naturally, as I honestly feel this would be the best way for my H and to reconcile. And you're right, I am a survivor. Dday was the worst day of my life, but I'm still here!<p>Bramblerose - thanks, love! As always, such wonderful insight and words. I will write that list tonight and reflect on all the good things I have. <p>Now, not being a religious person, I feel a bit hypocritical here. But could you all please pray for my H and I? Pray for clarity for him and strength for the both of us. I believe in Christmas miracles - and I could sure use one right about now. <p>Right, I'm off for a bath and cry. <p>love,
VE

Of course I'll pray for you, your husband, and your family. May God give you wisdom, strength and comfort through this horrible time.<p>God bless you and keep you,<p>Evensong

VE,
God is listening ... for all of us, sinner or not, hypocrite or not ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Just ask you may receive it. I pray also for your H' A to come to end early. Be strong.

Dear Heavenly Father,<p>This holiday is very special to us. Just as your angel, the messenger to us said "But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people," I pray Lord that all feelings of being afraid are removed from Venus. <p>Father, I ask you that you bring a special message of hope to Venus, as your Christmas gift to her, and Lord, concerning her marriage I pray that there you would grant Venus and her husband, and his family a love that is warm, full of hope and strong. Father, I also pray that her husbands heart would be softened toward Venus and his mother. <p>Father, I also pray for this special Aunt of Venus's husband, that you would continue to give her wisdom and love. Please bring more support to Venus, I pray, in your son's Holy name, Jesus.<p>Lord, please grant love, joy and health to Venus and her husband, I pray, in Jesus Name.<p>Amen

Venus...<p>Consider yourself and H added to my prayer list...<p>It's getting longer by the day, but I don't think God will mind...<p>Enjoy Christmas as best as you can...<p>"...I might be barely breathin', but i'm not dead..." - Jodee Messina<p>Take care...<p>E

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by trustntruth:
<strong>Dear Heavenly Father,<p>This holiday is very special to us. Just as your angel, the messenger to us said "But the angel said to them, &#8220;Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people," I pray Lord that all feelings of being afraid are removed from Venus. <p>Father, I ask you that you bring a special message of hope to Venus, as your Christmas gift to her, and Lord, concerning her marriage I pray that there you would grant Venus and her husband, and his family a love that is warm, full of hope and strong. Father, I also pray that her husbands heart would be softened toward Venus and his mother. <p>Father, I also pray for this special Aunt of Venus's husband, that you would continue to give her wisdom and love. Please bring more support to Venus, I pray, in your son's Holy name, Jesus.<p>Lord, please grant love, joy and health to Venus and her husband, I pray, in Jesus Name.<p>Amen</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Amen

Wow, very touching. You all brought a tear to my eye! Thank you for your prayers, everyone. From the bottom of my heart. Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.<p>love,
VE