I have not posted for awhile and it has been 5 1/2 months since d-day. I am the BS and it has gotten easier, that I do not think about the A as much, but when I do think about it I hate what he did.<p>I did not think that he could ever hurt me this bad. He was always the one who protected me and supported me through some tough times. I will admit that things were not going well for us during the time of the A and I was thinking I wanted a divorce but I never cheated.<p>I will see Garth Brooks on that commercial and think what a JERK (because of his affairs). I'll see T.V. shows and love it when the one who is cheating gets their own.<p>My husband and I have a lot of good times together and I keep a lot this stuff to myself, because I know that he is doing everything to reconcile and make our marriage work. He is sorry for what he did and wishes that he never did it, but it does not change the fact that he did do it and I cannot help but hate what he did and still at times find myself very mad at him.<p>I am afraid that if someone else would ever to give me the attention and security I once felt he gave me before the A I would be gone.<p>I want to love him and feel very secure with him, but I do not know if I can.<p>I do not know what to do. Help!

Striving<p>The road to marital recovery is narrow and difficult. With out a structured program and plan recovery is near impossible, I know, didn't have a plan first time around. That being said; have you?<p>1 Talked w/ Steve H.
2 REad, Suriving and affair, Love busters and his needs/her needs?<p>If you implement and practice the principals of MArriage Builders you fears will subside and you will have qa happy thriving marraige. If not, who knows??

We have read SAA and do work on our Emotional Needs, but have not seen a counselor. I do think at times that that would be a good idea, just not totally sold on it.<p>I am afraid that if I am totally honest with my husband about my feelings that I would push him away and I am not sure that I want that. Not sure what I want. Hope to figure that out real soon.<p>Thank you for responding dadoftheyear.

striving,<p>How is your H to help you and your marriage if he doesn't have the full picture?<p>I hate that my WH had an EA, do I hate my H? NO!!!! I don't, I have let him know this, EA is still going on and probably a PA by now, I really hate this!!! WH is in so much fog and is not talking about anything except divorce, doesn't understand the pain he has inflicted on me and the kids.<p>If you wont see a counselor, have your written down your plan for recovery? I think a counselor would be best though! How are you two working on the same goals for your marriage? Are you communicating what those goals are?<p>Your H is home and willing to work on the marriage and that is more then most of us here have, how are you going to work with him? Have your forgiven H? <p>Keep posting, there are not many out here right now.<p>Dawn

While waiting ... why not give a shot at MB to rebuild a fullfilling M ?. MB is not only EN, those are a way to descibe "romantic love" and how to gain them. IMVHO, focus on M, do complete MB ... 4 gifts of love. You better act on this before your H starts wondering too. I don't know if you did plan A ... if you have not, you should go back and look at your M issue(s) ... those are the gift of care. If you do, you know this better, you focus on yourself regardless the situation outlook; you focus on MB regardless your feeling now (withdrawal/wondering) the outcome is the same. As many who post here, I am willing to give anything to be in your place (WS is willing to work on M). Count your blessing and work on your M ... there are a lot "do it yourself MB'er", but like anything else you have to work on it.<p>daybreak ... not many out here ?. I am here [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]