I know I cannot do these things, but I have done some of them already... I am feeling very immature and like a big baby for having these mean ideas in my head.<p>I want to call FIL and tell him how much he is hurting marriage... I want to call OW, and tell her--- I have alreday done these things, they only made my H mad at me.. dealing with me and me only is the best way to deal with the marriage... <p>I know I can't do these things, I know I have to get rid of the energy I have.<p>ANyone else wanted to do evil, mean things despite being a good person... I feel so angry, and I am tired of it..<p>When my MIL was cheated on by FIL... she wrote SLUT in lipstick on the mercedes he drove at the time... she stole a bike or something like that since the OW and him were bikeriding... together... and she hid his guitars or would not give them to him, etc... GUESS WHAT my H has taken up bikeriding, he is on a mission to be his bad dad... whether he sees it or not... that is part of my anger at bad fil... who btw has given nicer gifts this yr than ever before to my kids... thought about returning them or sending them back... sorry sob... can yall tell I am angry.<p>PLEASE advise on lb prevention or stories.... thanks, honey

Honey,<p>I feel for you. <p>I don't believe anyone can plan A w/out LBing. I thought I could, HA, MY LBIng led her to the court house. Try to minimize it, perhaps these thought will help.<p>We are not responsible for the sins of our fathers, nor do we necessarily to follow in there footsteps. Our partents did not have MB or theis web site to get support. Every WS has at least on Cheerleader. WORk throught that. (Mines spending the day with her cheerleader, in fact I wouldn't be suprised if her cheerleader did'nt intorduce her to OM #2).<p>Long ago, Someone once posted to me, you are still early in the game, patience and take it day by day.<p>VENT HERE, it truly helps, espically on the tough days. <p>Also, get your RX filled, I would not be where I am today w/out mine, I used them for 5 months. I highly recommend celexa.<p>GO for a long walk and try to pick up the pace to a jog, it truly helps!!! My Fat [censored] will put in 5 mi today.<p>NO LB'ing!!!! You will temporarily feel better, but worse in the long run because it just pushes you further from your goal!!! Nothing good ever came from LBing.<p>Just last night, I was on my way home and passed the exit for W's house, had a few in me, almost pulled off to see if OM car was there. What good would that do?<p>Try and remember this. You can't control what your WS does. SO DON'T WORRY OR THINK ABOUT IT!!Focus on you and what you are doing. Stop it right there for now. When you catch you mind wandering to what his is doing, STOP and FOCUS on you.<p>One final thought; I wsa not a god fearing man until this happened. PRAY. it helps, I prayed for her for my kids and strength to make it through this, the challange of my life. It has been a tremendous help.<p>GOD BLESS

Honey ~ I hope you went out and picked up your anti-depressant prescription.<p>You need a Christmas spanking [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] for not taking care of yourself and running out - at the most stressful time of your life!!<p>Hon, you need to pull yourself together. Your outbursts and demands are making the situation worse...I think you already realize that.<p>So your FIL is an adulterer too. Of course he isn't going to condemn his flesh and blood son for doing the same thing. Besides....like it or not, often there is an attitude that "boys will be boys". Could be that your FIL feels that way too.<p>Pretty dispicable, I'd agree with you. But you know Honey...your FIL is who he is, just as your H is who he is. Neither of them are what YOU want them to be.<p>This is where acceptance is so hard. We have to let go of our expectations and our desire to have things our way. Time to face reality. <p>You see, everytime you expect your H or your FIL to be the men YOU think they should be, you set yourself up for massive disappointment, hurt and anger. Because no matter how hard you try....they are going to be themselves - not your version of who you think they should be.<p>If you can gain some acceptance of the reality of who these men are...you will find that you have gained some power over the situation, and while I can't promise that it won't hurt...because it will...it won't be nearly so bad.<p>Honey ~ please run to your nearest Al-Anon meeting.<p>I am sure you are a great mom, and did your best to be a loving wife. But you are dealing with rampant alcoholism - and this is a disease that is insidiously destroying both of you....<p>And while I know you are a good person...I am sure (being a wife of an alcoholic also) that your H has felt unloved and neglected and mistreated many times. Some of those times were simply because of the spiritual void inside of him .... and some of those times may have been your reaction to his disease....and sometimes, you just didn't realize how your actions affected him.<p>So yes, your motives may have been good - but that isn't necessarily how your H experienced them. This is what a good Plan A involves: serious soul searching and taking responsiblity for pinpointing YOUR faults and eradicating them - without expectation that your H is going to respond by coming home.<p>It isn't about manipulation (ie you change so you get what you want - H to come home). You change to become the best you that you can be - so that you can survive this - come what may...<p>It just so happens that the natural byproduct of getting stronger and better is that the WS starts having second thoughts.<p>But you can't do a plan A with your WS's response as your focus.<p>(((((hugs))))))<p>Hang in there sweetie - you can do this. Get to a meeting!

Thanks BR, and all else... ALANON is where I need to be... I am going to see what is available today... tuesday am here in houston... I am going to call right now.. WH has little one, who is 3, and that means me and my big boy who is 9 can go together... right now... I think there is one this morning... thanks for the advice BR, becasue of all the alcoholism issues... I start to think maybe this marriage will not work period, end of sentecne... but I have tried so hard for sooo long. I love him and would miss him terribly if not in my life, I just want life back before the A.<p>thanks, lisa [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]