My wife has been unhappy in our marriage for at least a year, and I only found out about this a month ago. We have a 2 yr old son. I realize I am to blame for her unhappiness, and I am ready to change or do anything to make the marriage work. However, she wants a divorce asap, and tonight she tells me she is "stuck". She is in love with someone else, and she knows it is wrong for her to have these feelings, but yet she cannot help it. She hates what all this will do to our son, and me, but she cannot see how she can have all these very deep feelings for him, and still love me. As a matter of fact, she did tell me that she doesn't love me the way she used to. Me wife is my world, and I love her know more than I ever thought I was capable of. We are seeing a counseler, but that isn't changing her views. I also realize that he is giving her something I haven't, but she says she doesn't know why she feels this way. Please, anyone, she has only been seeing him for around a month, and as far as I can tell, there hasn't been anything sexual going on. Can someone direct me to a section on this site, that deals with this? What can I say/do to get my wife back? I love her so much, thanks to anyone that can help.

Welcome!!<p>Yes you have come to the right site. There is lots of info and a great deal of support here.<p>I am sorry that she chose this day to tell you that she is no longer in love with you, this is WS babble, don't pay it any attention!!!<p>Read everything that you can here, start with the basic concepts, there is no fast fix to all of this, so know that going into this. You can't fix your marriage, you can build a better marriage when the time comes. <p>Buckle up as you are headed for the roller coaster ride of your life, I so hate roller coasters!!!<p>If you go to the "Just found out" area there is a welcom post that will help you and I believe if you look for post from redhat there are lots of links on his signature.<p>I just wanted you to know tonight that there was someone out here that was concerned for you and understands the feelings of dismay that you are having.<p>There will be others around, to welcome you and to share with you, you are among friends here, just not too many tonight!!! Sorry!<p>Take care,
Dawn<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Marc,
Stop panicking, you are in the right site, we beleive to save M. You story is not new so follow daybreak advice and learn a lot more about MB. Here are the link that will help you.

Thanx for your replies. I will give you a bit more background here. She did tell him she could no longer see him, but she broke down and they both had a bit of a cry. She does want a divorce asap, and is filling out the papers to do so, We have been seperated for around 2 weeks with her staying at her mom's house, me at our house. Because we have a son, we see each other often, which of course, is killing me. I believe I could get her to stop seeing him, but only for awhile. I don't think she would terminate the relationship, because it seems she wants the divorce asap, so she can be with him "guilt free" (I think). I am wondering how I should act around her? We are talking a lot, and are very civil (at least she is, I have my days), and I am sure she is very confused as to what is going on. She asked me what I thought she should do, and I said for her to stop seeing him for awhile, and see where that leads. I can say that she hasn't wore her rings since we've been seperated, I am still hanging in there, even though everyone is saying I should've left her 2 weeks ago. How can I give up this easily? This is the most important thing in my life now, besides my son, and I feel it isn't over till it's over. But how should I act around her? I feel in the next week or so, she will bring papers for me to sign, and I'm just not ready to do that.

Hey Marc..<p>Just like Daybreak says, unfortunatly there is no quick fix.<p>Change in primary relationships occurs slowly.<p>The way to help your marriage is to help yourself. The way to help yourself right now is to learn, study.<p>Start w Redhat's links. Then read 'em again.<p>Plan A your butt off. <p>And let us know what's going on..<p>Dan

Dear Marc,<p>My son was exactly where you are nine months ago. Please try not to panic. You will survive this.<p>Buy Dr. Harley's book, Surviving an Affair today.
Try a Christian bookstore. You are more likely to have it in stock than a regular bookstore. Read it ASAP.<p>Stall any divorce action. Don't proceed with it at all. Your W isn't anywhere close to knowing what she really wants. This is going to take some time. Try to be patient.<p>Come here to vent your frustration and sadness. Don't take it out on W. It will drive her away.<p>If you have done things to contribute to her unhappiness with your M, change them. However, please accept the fact that you are not responsible for her EA. The choice was hers.<p>Marc, if that is your real name, you might want to consider changing your forum name to something else. There are a lot of people who come to this site. You may not want to be so public with your identity.<p>Keep posting. There are many people here to help you through this. <p>Best wishes,
Estes

Marc,<p>Our stories are about the same. My D-day was 12/12 and I have been on what others have been calling a roller coaster ride ever since. I read the "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and that lead me to MB. I have followed redhats advice on Plan A to a T and my wife went from talking about D to being just down right confused about what she wants. Now she says I am being too nice so I may have crossed over the line to a LB of annoying behavior so walk the line carefully.<p>I have 3 kids and I think the thought of losing them has made me pay closer attention. This is actually helping, she mentioned to me that she appreciated how much the kids were into me. Dont get me wrong she is still in A, but I am in this for the long haul, and a comment like that incrementally raises my hopes. <p>I have particular interest in people who are close to the same timeline as me so keep posting Marc, maybe we can help each other get through this together.<p>Jeff

Marc- so sorry to hear of your situation, especially finding out at this time of year. You have come to the right place. I hate to think of what would have happened if it weren't for MB and all the beautiful people here. Hang in there, its going to be a very difficult journey for you, but you will make it and be a better person.<p>I think that Estes has a valid point about changing your name, especially when dealing with these kinds of situations, you can't be too careful. Also, Daybreak is right about posting on the JFO forum, thats where I did most of my posting and got some great advice.<p>Some of the things your W said are exactly what my W said as well. but yet she cannot help it. - W told me this as well, said she even asked God to help her but it was no use. This is just fog-ese, don't believe it for one minute, WS's may think this at the time, how else can they rationalize what they did?
she did tell me that she doesn't love me the way she used to - combine this with the other statement and it really justifies the A. Her wanting a D right away seems kinda odd to me. Do you think OM promised to marry her? Or maybe she is so guilt ridden that this is the only way she feels she can deal with it. A few weeks before I found out about W's A she told me I needed to move out. Turns out OM promised to marry her and she wanted me out of the way.<p>How long have you been married? Is the OM married as well? Remember that they have been living a life of lies and deception. Now that the truth is out, it will be interesting to see how they handle it. You two have a history together and that can't be discarded that easily. <p>Read up on Plan A and do it now. Remember that Plan A is about YOU. Take this time to do a serious self-examination and find out where your shortcomings are. You are not respnsible for the A, that was W's own choice. Hang in there and don't lose faith, you will survive this.