<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

mylife,
Q for you, does SH ever told you to expose A ?. From your writing A is never exposed. Is the reason from SH to go to plan B is because LB'ed by you ?.<p>I learn to let go (like I am a single dad minus any new R), lower expectation (think of the worst), take occasional break (specially when I know I will do uncontroll LB'ed) and learn to talk fogesse.<p>I saw you plan B letter but has no input ... I am just a lurker on your letter. I have no experience and try to block my mind to think of it.<p>Good Luck

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Hi Mylife, we sound similar.. I can't help but let the angry comments fly.. I have tried to plan a, and it was even working for awhle, but when he went back to bed with OW and told me about it.. .then I just could not take it... <p>I am ready for plan b too, but have gotten the feedback that I need to plan a a little more... sinc e I did not do plan a right... we sound similar.. I can't even stand to be around him or see his HOUSE>.. OH My G.. is that wh yme and and kids are broke... good luck!<p>THanks, HONEY

I am sorry to hear about what a smuck your H has been. I wish I could give you some good advice...but I seem to be in the same boat.<p>I think you are definitely right to go to plan B. Your letter was pretty good.<p>Try to focus on you and that baby about to arrive. She needs you to keep your emotions under control right now. And when she comes, you will have your hands full for awhile---hopefully, that will help you keep your mind off him for awhile. There is not much you can do when they are in the FOG...just make your life what you want it to be. Focus on your kids--they are your family right now--and probably the best part at this point.<p>Try not to let this man affect you and your baby's health. My H did that during my third pregnancy and I regret to this day that I let him control my emotions during that time. You can't change him at this point--so let him go and concentrate on you!!! Easier said then done--you will be in my prayers.

mylife,
I'm Plan Bing because I have lowered my standards of him so low that it's making me lose love fast because his behavior repulses me so. K<p>You focus too much his action and expect responses in plan A. If your M is save, today's WH is not the on the one that you will get back.<p>
DUTY CALL, I have to bring my 2 D to their activities ... see you later<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Hi MYLife, I know what you mean about OWs being in love with men who would throw away their families- these men are self serving - My H hardly at all looks at what he has done... I am trying to plan a / plan b... I am not going to initiate any contact with him period and I am filing... I am going to be as nice as possible when we speak but will not tolerate affair any longer... I have had it.. my H is trying to say I am a BAD MOTHER for being irate that he has done this to me... says being a DAD has nothing to do with me... the MOM,... funny his "FATHER" did the same thing... I should of known like father like son... I am here if you need to talk.. my H wanted me to get pregnant a few months back before the A... glad I am not.. but you do have a wonderful baby to look forward to, and your children will love you always.<p>You sound like a great person, I like who you are in this situation ... The situations we are all in are ridiculous.. and I seriously wonder about being nice and kind to a spouse who would have an affair, plan a, I do not think I completely understand plan a... because it actually made me feel more used and abused, though I started to get some positives, I have to stand up for myself in this situation... and a spouse who will treat me or you this way is not one that either of us want... right? You are doing the right thing and your actions are admirable... take care of your health and nurture you right now..<p>Too much stress can be bad for the baby in many ways...I am very sorry about all of this, take care of you.<p>HUGS< HONEY

Hi Mylife,<p>Good Lord, 8 mos pregnant and he's doing this. How messed up is that?!?!? I'm so sorry, Hon.<p>Your H's blatant comments such as taking OW to the Sugar Bowl are intentional to get you to LB so he can say to himself "SEE, she is the wicked witch of the south, I knew I'm doing the right thing". His mean words and actions involving you right now are contrived to seek justification for what he's doing and to relieve himself from guilt. He was looking for an emotionally charged reaction and he got one.<p>It's a good thing you're going to Plan B I believe as it sounds as tho you're close to losing all love for him.<p>Was you Plan A effort up to this point successful? Do you believe your H views you as a safe person to retrun to when the A starts to fall apart?<p>Oh, and that hidden "love trinket" (BARF!), well that should tell you what a sham of a fantasy this all is. He thinks he's 16 years old again and he's hiding his going-steady crush from his mommy. <p>You don't have to be disgusted with your H, I'll do it for you.<p>Please, please take care of yourself, Mylife. Your H will go thru an array of changes between now and when he begins to crash and burn, you can't let him affect your health and that precious cargo you're carrying.<p>BTW, I think your timing may be to your advantage. You'll be having the baby in a month and by that time your Plan B will be well on it's way. H will have LOTS to think about. Make it a strong Plan B, DO NOT WAIVER!<p>Continued strength to you, Mylife. Please keep posting.<p>One more thing. BrambleRose was going thru this when she was pregnant as well. You may want to read her story. Here's the link. Her story is approx. on the third page of the posted link below, middle of the page.<p>Click Here for Profiles Thread<p>Love and God Bless you,
Jo<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

MyLife,<p>I just responded to Honey about the application and execution of Plans A, B, & D. You might want to check it out (it's the 5th reply), particularly the transitions between plans, and the questions you should ask yourself. Here it is.<p>Remember, this is your MARRIAGE that you're fighting for. It isn't some high school fling, it's a vow between Man and God. You two promised yourselves to each other "until death do us part."<p>I'm not getting on you because I'm some religious zealot or anything. I just think that these promises shouldn't be broken lightly, and we should do EVERYTHING in our power to try not to.<p>It sounds to me like you maybe ought to reconsider Plan B at this time. Go re-read the Plan B guide on the main web site. BE SURE! Your H certainly isn't going to miss you any during Plan B if the last words from you were spit and vinegar, is he?<p>I hope this will help you some.<p>Take care,
Kev

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>