I am new to MB. I have been reading for many months but have just tonight registered and am posting! I'm desparately looking for support!<p>A quick sum-up. My h had 2 affairs. One with my best-friend, one with his secretary. I found out last Valentines Day. I figured it out. My h has been attending counseling sessions of his own since August. He has ceased all contact with the two OW (other than work for the #2), so he says. He has since discovered that he has a sexual addiction...YIKES! He was still attending sessions and things started to go well.<p>We started to reconcile in October and for two months is was wonderful. We talked, we fought and we didn't discuss divorce: it was technically off the table. We were going to work things out, go for it together and go hand in hand through his recovery, even though I understand he had to do it himself.<p>2 months went by and he blindsided me by saying he was wrong about his feelings of the last couple months. It was true then but not true now. He wanted time away and needed time to think things through. He isn't sure he loves me, he does but doesn't know if it's enough to be married to me. We talk now and he's back to his "old self" in that he's keeping things from me, telling me it's none of my business and always putting the blame on me. I inquire as to "how it's going" and he starts a fight that ends up with me being to blame and him in the right, yet again.<p>I'm tired! I keep, stupidly, going back. I'm the only one to blame for the continuous hurt. We have two children, who I'm single handedly raising! I'm so angry and hurt and frustrated! I'm so tired of waiting, yet I feel like I've gone on with my life. I'm not yet ready to completely let him go, but I'm really tired! ANyone else in this boat? I'm scared! This addiction has effected my life in ways I don't understand and I'm really afraid he isn't in recovery.<p>How do I keep my sanity? I'm looking for something concrete to hang on to and I keep looking to him for it?! How do I stop? Please send me words of wisdom and support! I'm very scared, very sad and very wanting to be loved!!!<p>Snowcat in MN [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Snowcat in MN<p>I love your user name! I live in MN too, and have a very good girlfriend who is nick-named "cat". And we haven't really had much snow for very long - in fact H just got out the snowmobiles yesterday!<p>Gosh, you have been through a lot lately, haven't you. It is bad enough dealing with one affair, much less two. It sounds like your husband has made some strong strides toward recovery - but, especially if he is sexually addicted - that he has entered the land of Fogese again. <p>Although this isn't much reassurance, the land of Fogese is quite typical. What is good about 'typical' is that, as you know by reading for so long on the site, that this CAN be overcome, and you still CAN work through these issues to help restore the love in your marriage. Many marriages following the MB principles are restored, but it is a hard task to undertake.<p>Have you 100% decided that you want your marriage restored?
TnT

I think nearly everyone here can relate to your situation. In and out of the fog. If your WS is still working with one of the OW, maybe he cannot complete the withdrawal process, and is still feeling something for her. Try not to take his current statements too personally. You probably are not in recovery yet. The process stinks but concentrating on yourself should be your focus a this point.

I am sorry for your anguish.<p>Sexual addictions are like any other As in some ways and very, very different in others. Plan A is till the preferred method of response, if you want to restore the M. And plan A can work, even if you are separated, even if the WS is involved with OP, even if the Fog is very thick.<p>Have you read zorweb's story? Sexual addiction is at the centre of their struggles, and they are now doing very well in recovery. Perhaps there is something in their threads that could help you to think through your situation and devise a course of action.<p>It is normal to feel tired, scared and worried for your sanity. Are you seeing an IC? That would be a good thing to invest in. It will help you to cope and manage the stress that you are living with. Have you seen a doctor to assess whether you are depressed and might benefit from anti-depressants? Medication can be helpful in keeping one's sanity through this nightmare. Do you have a support network of people to talk to, share with, get assistance for childcare or anything else that helps to run the household while your H is absent? Many us are not very good at asking friends for help, but when we eventually do it, we are surprised at how willing close friends and family are to help, whether it is to take the children for a couple of hours, lend a shoulder for a good cry, or to help hold us up in an especially bad time. Please do not hesitate to ask for help both here and in the physical world.<p>Hugs to you,