Ok, so she calls yesterday (Sunday) @ about 4:30 and I don&#8217;t answer. I didn&#8217;t want to LB. She called again at about 5:45 and I was having dinner with the kids and told her I would call her back. After dinner its bath time which at my house is water play time. She calls again at 6:45, she&#8217;s been waiting for my call. She wants to come over she needs my help with the EN questionnaires, I said I had to think about it, Give me 30 min I said. (I didn&#8217;t want to LB), She calls back 30 min later and I told her to come over. She gets there about 7:30. Plays w/ kids for a bit and asks questions, Struggling with time frames and ???. My suggestion was to answer them &#8220;as if&#8221; we were still together.<p>We talked until about 1AM, she suggests staying but is afraid of what might happen? She leaves and calls at 1:20 from home and we talk until 3AM.<p>She calls me this AM at 9:30. Just wanted to connect with me. After 30 Min I have to go, but call back in 45 Min, we talk for another 30 Min. Says that&#8217;s enough for today, she can&#8217;t handle it anymore emotionally. I said OK!!!! Read you loud and clear. <p>Important points:<p>Did not make plans with OM for New Year&#8217;s eve. <p>Not sure if she wants to be with me and kids??<p>I discuss the OM relationship inevitable ending, she agrees and say she feels like she I shaving an EN on her boyfriend with her husband. And is really struggling being dishonesty with him, Hmmm, Morality? Will not commit to ending it, I said that was OK, it will die its natural death, only a metter of time, and she agreed. <p>I did some minor Lb&#8217;ing, but no angry outbursts, a bit assumptive and judgmental, but apologized when I caught myself. <p>Discuss our sexuality and how it could be restored. How long it will take. My guess 4-6 weeks. She says longer. <p>After talking about her position when she left she left me and me sharing my post separation sexual escapades, I feel much better and I&#8217;m not really angry. <p>She says she get MB intellectually but not emotionally, I told her she is over thinking it, the emotions will follow, once enough deposits are made, and the current activities and interactions are the first steps. <p>She wanted to know why I didn&#8217;t hug her goodbye. I said I didn&#8217;t know the door was open. ( Why didn&#8217;t she hug me??).<p>As I look into her eyes I know she is not there yet.
I mentioned teh Orlando MB retreat in Feburary, she was intreagued and seemed a bit excited. <p>Any guesses on time line with ending it with OM, and committing to MB and marital recovery?<p>[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: dadoftheyear ]</p>

Wow. Sounds like she'll be asking (begging?) to come back soon. Seems like she is now quickly realizing what she is giving up and the terrible impact on her family. I almost hate to use this figure of speech, but it seems like you are getting the upper hand on things.<p>Let OM continue LB. I would guesstimate that the more "cool" and objective you are, with maybe a splash of indifference, the more quickly she'll return. I think she is just testing you now and trying to muster up the courage to admit her mistakes and ask for your forgiveness. Hope I'm not being too optimistic but I really think things are moving in the right direction for you. Happy New Year.

Waddaya make out of her not wanting to talk any more today??

No idea why she doesn't want to talk anymore today, except that the two of you have spent a lot of time over the past day talking (till 3 a.m. last night?). She is probably exhausted and needs time away from M topic. Perhaps you can invite her to stop by tonight but tell her YOU do not want to talk about M, only try to have fun with her and your family. <p>If she has no other plans maybe this would be acceptable. I don't know your whole story or its current status so if you are in some form of Plan B, then perhaps this is not feasible.<p>Good luck.

Wow, that's a lot of talking. Good. Notice when you don't commit that she graviates more towards you? Hm....... giving them their logic (until they come out of the fog) works!!!<p>Keep up the good work. Don't get too excited or disappointed. I see good progress here. Remember there could be a little backsliding when we get over anxious. Boy do I know about that one. <p>Take Care, <p>L.

DOTY--It certainly seems like you both had a lot of emotionally intense dialogue, which can be draining. The fact that she was willing to fill out the EN is a great start and that you've had preliminary counseling with the Harley's is great (which I'm curious to know how that went--email me if you'd care to comment).<p>Don't take it as a bad sign that she didn't want to talk anymore today. Lay back a bit. As far as the hugs thing goes--before my WS's A, I rarely hugged my wife. Now, I'm all about it anytime I can. She's in her apt and ending her A but I still give her hugs whenever we meet for lunch or dinner and going back to the Harley's books, one can appreciate how big of a gesture that is.<p>It'll happen.<p>Guido

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dadoftheyear:
<strong>Waddaya make out of her not wanting to talk any more today??</strong><hr></blockquote><p>RATS!! I had a great post all typed up and lost it!! I hate this!<p>Well, Dadofyear, I was going to say, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!??! You guys "talked" - I counted about EIGHT HOURS!!! I say she's "exhausted" mentally and needs time to process it all.<p>You're doing great. Just take your time, don't push her. Time, and patience are needed now. Time. Patience.<p>Remember, she's "afraid, confused" and will probably be doing the "two steps forward, one step back" dance. Don't lose heart. You're doing fine. It's gonna happen. Have patience. Baby steps.<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Thanks Guy's,<p>I agree with all of you, she is spent. I did leave a V-mail on her cell phone letting her know I here if she needs ANYTHING!. She called 30 min later and we talked for about 10 minutes, she still did not have plans for tonight. Asked if I made any, Just hanging with the kiddos.<p>I layin back, one thing she said last night when she was leaving, How come yo don't call me, I have to call you? I said, I didn't know you wanted me to call. <p>I e-mailed her the info on MB weekend in orlando in Feburary.<p>Guido, whats your e-mail, I highly recommend the HArleys.<p>[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: dadoftheyear ]</p>

Good reply.....don't show the anxiousness....play it cool. "I don't know" responses but you need to be gentle and not sarcastic...it confuses their fog!!!!<p>Take Care,
L.

DOTY email is<p>tapin2win@home.com<p>thanks<p>Guido