My husband and I have been seperated for two months. He is living with the other woman. During this he comes by and says he regrets what he has done and he's not happy where he is. But, he never moves back home. On Christmas Eve he came over and said to me, "if you want me back it has to be for good, because if I don't go home tonight, I won't have any place to stay." I said yes. He spent the night and when we woke up in the morning he said,"I can't come back home until 1/2/2002. I forget we have two big parties to attend this week." I said "get the hell out of here and leave me alone." Why on earth would this man do this to me? I had been doing pretty good since he had left, but this has shot me right back to square one and I'm miserable again. Any suggestions on why
he wants to continue to hurt me.<p>Thanks

FOG.......have you heard the recovery stories with false starts? Well this was a false start. You being the nice person decided to take him back on his word. Will you do that again? <p>My H did the same thing and I did what you did. We had 4 false starts. Others have had more. Mine even cried from OW's house with OW in the background saying 'take him back L.' Hmmph...looking back I should have told him to stay there a bit longer but he pulled that same excuse as your H did and I panicked. dumb BS (me!). I believed the words. Then the action showed continued contact. Well after a while I told him to leave, give me the money he owed and don't come back.... plan B'd him (not well but did the best I could at the time - I also had a miscarriage at this time). He requested to come back but even now I hear a waffle every so often. When I do I tell him he can leave the terms are still the same. He thinks about it and so far has stayed and improved his attitude and actions. Still has a way to go but headed in the right direction. <p>So it may be wise to ask him to show what value he intends to bring back to your family. Put the onis on him. See in the fog they make it sound like they are granting you an 'audience' or something. That their presence is a 'gift'. <p>Well forget that! The real gift is that you would consider even taking him back. That is the way I look at it now. I don't beg my H. Haven't since end of June (right after I had the miscarriage). It has been hard but I have felt better for it. Yes, I did even get suicidal during that time but I had things to deal with and he & OW were still in contact (by phone and 1 visit to return her keys). This has since stopped but only recently. He has not taken her calls except for the one I gave him when she called our HOUSE phone! I needed him to tell her not to call the house. He did. <p>Whew! Remember he needs to show you respect and value. You and your family are worth it!<p>Take Care,
L.

vintagelace <p>OMG, WS's never cease to amaze me. To be honest with you it sounds like he just needed a place to stay that night. Wonder if OW knows where he was?<p>Orchid is right. If you even consider taking him back he is going to need to bring something of value... like treating you with the upmost respect, no contact with OW (to include a no contact letter to her).<p>I am so sorry you are being treated so badly. Remember that it is up to you to set the limits by which you will live. Perhaps you should make a list of those now so that if he does try to come home one 1/2 you will be ready with what to tell him.