I thought this thread may be a good place to share our stories. In reading some threads below I see that there some have perceived board disruption by some names that aren't familiar to everyone. <p>I thought we could all share our stories here...in one place....so that the regulars may get to know us better. I've already shared my story on a seperate thread...so I'll just copy it and post it here. Maybe you could do the same BB, Pepper, and Elf? I think you three have already posted your stories. They may have been overlooked because we are new faces....so I thought to make it easier for everyone....we could just have one *collection* of the Redbook Riff Raff Stories. Whaddyathink?<p>I just want eveyone to get a good feel about us and know that we aren't Board Snatchers! LOL!<p>selket

Here is my respost from two different posts. I hope that each of you will get a better understanding of where I am coming from.<p>==================================================
Hi, everyone! I would like to introduce myself. <p>I'm Selket. I'm 29 years old and I have been married for 11 years. My husband and I have a 10 year old daughter. <p>Several years ago (about 6) I had an affair. To my knowledge, my husband has never cheated on me. My affair lasted for over a year. My husband knows. <p>I've worked VERY hard at "owning up" and "facing the music" and really struggling and getting to the root of my problems...(or at least the ones that convinced me that an affair was the right thing to do). <p>I'm part of the Redbook bunch and I posted on that board for over a year. <p>I don't know if y'all are open to cheating spouses (although I think you are). I came here to share and learn and y'all seem to be a very good group.<p>Oh, Pepper/Yesterday (can I just call you Pepperday? ) <p>After I posted I completely forgot to share the reason I was actually looking for an infedility board in the first place. I've been reading on a thread that specifically addresses children who are affected by adultery. <p>Just to let everyone know.......July 4, 2000, my family and I were at my parents house when my mother picked up the phone to place a call. (this was one week before their 30th anniversary) What she heard was my father leaving a message for his OW. I was there....she insisted I SIT RIGHT THERE as she confronted him. He lied...of course. It was terrible and it was one of those memories I wish I could just erase. <p>So, I set out to find information on infidelity to help my mother and that is how I came across the other board where I was posting. <p>Yesterday, to be honest....being in a different environment and reading different posters has brought up alot of feelings I thought I no longer had. Not only about my father's affair, but about my own. <p>Right now I'm pretty depressed thinking about all of this. Not only that.....but it seems that the rebuilding "honeymoon" phase of my marraige is over ........what next? <p>Thanks for bringing this up, Pepperday, I realize that I was becoming stagnated in my recovery and now I KNOW I have sooo much left to work on.<p>==================================================<p>I hope I did the cut and paste correctly. AND, I hope I am not screwing thing up by posting this thread and including reposts. I REALLY like this forum.<p>Thank you to all of you who have welcomed us!<p>selket<p>[ February 17, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>

Sorry sel, I'd started my "my story" post this morning and then company showed up...I didn't want to lose all I'd already written so I hurried and finished as soon as I could...but that was hours after I'd started and obviously after you posted this! LOL! Anyway, my story, in condensed form, is above.

OK, Sel, the "challenged one" will try. Good idea, BTW. Here goes.<p>Hi Everyone. I'm another of the Redbook Riff Raff people. My name is the same here as it was on Redbook, but my friends call me Elf. Well, to introduce myself properly, here's my story.
Seven years ago next May, my only child (10 year old daughter) was killed in a car accident. A year after that, my now exhusband fell in love with my best friend. And a year after that we divorced. There was absolutely no chance to rebuild that marriage (even though it had lasted 20 years) because he completely refused any rebuilding efforts. He just wanted out. At the time, I was still reeling with grief over losing my daughter and I never felt the full force of emotions surrounding my WS's betrayal. They came later, of course, actually after the divorce was final. Since we've been divorced for 5 years now, I have had a great deal of time of process all of the pain, rage, etc. and have moved on in my life. A year ago last October, I got remarried to an old high school/college sweetheart and we are doing well and very happy.<p>I came to the women.com message board quite awhile ago in an attempt to help resolve lingering pain from what happened with my WS. What I found there amazed me and has helped me so much with my personal issues and continued growth. So now, here I am, following my friends and hoping to give help where I can, continue to learn and with a strong determination to make this new marriage succeed to the fullest.<p>Thanks to everyone here who has offered the Riff Raff a new home. And I apologize if there are any problems with my first attempt at posting here. I'm a little "technologically challanged" but I'll catch on soon! Promise!<p>Elf

I'm working on mine Sel [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] and should have something up some time tonight. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'll post it here, seeing as how I'm a proud member of the *Redbook-riff-raff* club! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 17, 2002: Message edited by: dances.with.wolves ]</p>

Ok Sel... here's my repost.<p>I was on another board for more than a year. There were some changes made and those changes were not a positive thing for my growth and this board was recommended by some of my friends from that board, who also post on this board. So that's how I happened upon this sight. <p>A little about me...<p>I am 31, divorced, no children. I suffer from depression that can probably be linked back to an abusive childhood. As an adult I have had a string of unhealthy relationships. One of my biggest problems has been the fear of being alone. I have never been able to leave one relationship until I have another one lined up; USUALLY that has meant that I found someone else while still dating the current "boyfriend of the month" (expression... I didn't really have a new bf every month). I have been not so honest with my mates. On the flip side, I have been cheated on, lied to, deceived as well. My ex husband is an alcoholic (among other things). I was with him a total of almost 7 years. He was very abusive, both physically and mentally. We separated in '97. Since then I have had several relationships, all unhealthy. <p>Throughout the '90s I tried counseling and different programs. I always quit. However in the late fall of 2000 I became severely depressed... so much that I was planning my suicide. I really scared myself. When I realized that suicide was a very real possibility and a "solution" to my pain I went to the hospital and stayed in the mental unit. Since January of last year, I have been in therapy. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. I have gone to group therapy, and as I mentioned before I was a part of another board that was a very vital part of my therapy.<p>My "issues" that I have dealt with in therapy have helped me to learn new thinking patterns. My therapy has taught me a lot about self responsibility. I have learned to love myself. I have learned to quit looking for others to make me happy. I have quit relying on men to "fix" all my problems. I have learned to say no. I have learned that I matter, that my needs count, that I am worthy. All these things, OBVIOUSLY, I did not have before I started therapy. <p>My last bf and I got together several months before I started therapy. After I started I realized just how unhealthy THAT relationship was as well. He was actually not the wonderful, caring, "I'll do anything for you" person I thought he was. He was unfortunately a controlling and manipulative person who stalked me for many, many months before I did anything about it. I finally got a restraining order a couple weeks ago and I am now feeling better and more relieved than I have in a long time.<p>Infidelity is a very important issue for me because I have always been a very insecure person. The insecurity helped me to jump from man to man to man to man... helped me to lie, helped me to make bad decisions, helped me to accept things I should not have. And of course it's important because I have been cheated on.<p>I have started a relationship recently. I AM taking it very slowly. This person is someone I dated a few years ago. We dated about 2 years. He cheated on me. More than once. At the time I considered him a player type. After a couple years apart, and the big mess with my last boyfriend, we have become very good and TRUE friends. I have decided to give him another chance. But also, he has decided to give me another chance as well. We were both responsible for what we each did in our previous relationship.<p>My goals are simple yet imperative to my happiness and success. I want to continue to grow, continue to learn about myself, continue to love myself more & more everyday, continue to build a healthy relationship with my significant other. He and I are both learning how to make our relationship work, as we both were very very wrong in our actions before. It is hard and we are learning to communicate in a positive way. Neither of us want to let infidelity enter our lives again. And since we have both made bad and unhealthy decisions in the past, we are really working to make positive changes and positive growth... both individually and as a team.<p>That's the short part. I could go on and on and on... if you can't tell, I'm a real talker.<p>I've been through a lot but I'm not letting it hold me back any longer. I am working very hard to keep my life in order. I look forward to meeting new friends here.<p>Love,
Clear

RRR lurker here, (was brodiesmum), with my story. I'm 43, been married for 23 years now, WS is 45. On Dec. 28,1999 while looking for a "lost" credit card in hubby's old briefcase, I found letters, pictures, cards, airline and hotel reservations for the millenium New Year, most with her name on them. Turns out she was a 20 yr. old hooker, supporting her crack habit, when he first picked her up, about 3 years prior. This was a long term A, where he, the White Knight, saved the fallen women and brought her into the light, financially supporting her throughout some of that time. WS left me that day, to go to her (she lives in another city) and when he did come back(week later)it was to an apt. that he already had. We were separated for 8 months, during which time he supported all 3 households and fencesat. He then moved back home, claiming it had all been a fantasy and it was over. During that time I believe he only saw her once, but he did call her several times a day. Anyways, it wasn't over. 7 months later I found evidence of continued contact, plus now he was advertising on web personal sites and was heavily into online porn. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I confronted him again, had him do an online sex addicts questionnaire, and a week later he was attending meetings. Things are better now than they have ever been, but I still struggle daily on whether or not he's still contacting her [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It's been a tough 2 years, but I am ever hopeful that the worst is behind us and that it can only get better from here. These message boards have been a godsend and I hope do grow and learn even more from this site. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Proud to say, I'm one of the "Redbook Rif-Raf". [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I think it is a good idea for us to share all in one place, and I hope that the regulars from this board will take the chance to read our stories and welcome us to their community. <p>In any event, here is my story. I am 27, uh, 28 on Feb. 27th. I have been married for 6 years this April, and I have a beautiful/handsome 4 year old son. About 2 years ago I met a man who became my closest friend and best confident. We shared a lot and got along very well. We were the best of friends. Unfortunately, the friendship grew into more and I found myself involved in a full blown affair. We were both married and both have a young child. My husband grew suspicious and questioned me a couple of times, but of course I denied it. I thought I could end my affair and go on with life as if it had never happened. However, I continued to hide in the shadows of my lies, until July 13, 2001 [D-DAY] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ! Finally the truth all came out. It was horror in my home. My son was there when this all began, and I called my mom to come and pick him up. My husband and I went through a lot of emotions that day and eventually he decided to stay. We tried to take the road together on our own, but things were still so tense and uncertain. We shared many arguments, and more than I care to admit in front of our son. Finally we realized that we needed to see counseling. Through counseling we have learned about the love languages, and we have learned how to deal with eachothers differences, and how to truly communicate productively. We have decided that we want to be together and that we truly love eachother. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I cannot change that, but I can show my husband through time, effort, dedication, and much love that I will never make that mistake again. We have been through a lot over the past 7 months of rebuilding. All in all, things are going great. My husband is a remarkable man, and the epitomy of unconditional love. I am not proud of what I have done to him, my family, or myself, but I am proud to say that I am growing beyond that and becoming so much a better person. I'm not quite sure when I came across the ivillage board, but it has helped me termendously. They have helped me to see things very clearly from my husbands point of view. They have helped me to see that the things we are going through together are normal. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I also know that the end result will be well worth it. These gals have been my best support group. They have shared my tears, my successes; they have given me advice on what to do when I needed it, and have hit me upside the head to bring me back to realities when I was caught up in the not fairs and such; they have helped me so many times keep my head above water and remind me that I am doing well, which is something a betrayed spouse may not always relay to you well. It has helped so much. They have also helped me to search and look deep within myself to answer the questions for my husband that he needed answered to help him heal.<p>So, in a nut shell, that's me. I hope that we will all be a welcome addition to your community. I'm sure that you will have a lot to offer us, as I know we will have a lot to offer you. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Selket and all,
I have been spending the last few days reading the introductory material and posts and I have posted a few times. I don't think I'll post my story here because I don't think I'll be staying. Not because this isn't a good site, it is a great site with a lot of dedicated and sincere posters. I just don't think it is a good fit for me. My husband and I are about 19 months post d-day and we are doing well. We did not follow the MB tenets that this site is about and we are past needing most of them. <p>I don't want people to think that I am dissing the Harleys or MB when I post a contrary opinion. I'm not. I am relating my own experiences which may or may not mirror anyone else's or help anyone in any way, but they are true for my husband and I nonetheless.<p>Redbook's loss can be MB's gain. There are a lot of intelligent and caring people that have moved over from that practically defunct board. I think they have a lot to offer and MB has a lot to offer them in return. <p>Goodluck and Godbless to all of you

Hi, my name is Bridgette I am the 23 year old mother of Ariel (7) and Keith Jr (16mths) and am due to have another in May. I am part of the Redbook crowd, though I was more of a lurker on that board until DDay (Sunday). I don't think any of them have read my story either. Here goes.<p>Background: I have been with Keith since October of 97, he cheated on me within a month of us meeting, I didn't stress about it because we had not gotten serious, but I did call it off for about a month when he called to get back together. Same year he cheated with same girl again and other)s) whose names and specifics I don't remember. It was summer vacation from college and I was in another town with my family, when I went to visit him I saw pictures of other women in his album, nothing nasty just women. With a little snooping guided by my intuition I found used condoms, victoria secret underwear and a gift and card from a female all in the trash. He blamed it on his friend who had been staying with him over the summer. I believed him. That fall I moved in, was told not to answer the phone as it may be his mother and father (preacher) and they would not approve. We are in the fall of 98 by the way. Things are okay even though the phone rings off the hook and women leave messages. He has female friends just like I have male ones he says, we are in college and both know a lot of people. Okay I say, but my gut tells me he's cheating. He comes home late from work, but he works at a mall that closes at 9-10, he is working on a promotion at a jewelry store and is staying late with his boss. There is a girl on campus who makes a point of picking with me or coming around and I suspect he and she have something going on. FF to spring 99.
He gets the promotion and now works extremely long hours, quits school completely. I cheat on him while still living in his house it lasts about a month. I tell him and he confesses to oh about 7 women. I find out I'm pregnant, I know its his because when I cheated the other guy never could finish, he had problems (reason it only lasted a month), but understandably he doesn't think its his. We get an abortion. Right before this I had moved in with a friend but he still came by and took me to work(at the same mall) and took me out from time to time. I also moved into a motel for a couple of weeks, he was there the whole time, he payed for the room for two weeks, and we just lived there (even though our house was blocks away). I moved in with him again and then we got the abortion. Weeks later I moved out again (at the time I had my 3year old with me), it was summer vacation again. I found out he had began a relationship with a girl from one of my classes, he was still sleeping with me and I went berserk, I went to his house and broke all his stuff, cut up his furniture, cut all cords, broke all glass and cds and movies. Flooded the bathroom and left. He came by that night mad as hell. We had a fight in roomies apt, and messed up pretty bad, didn't break anything but he poured can corn on me and dish detergent, pepto, everything he could find. Yes we were immature and young. Roomie was called by neighbor and asked us to leave, he agreed to give me a ride to take my daughter back home, it was time for school to start. He then asked me to go with him to check out another school an hour + away because he was thinking of moving. He had been fired from good job and so was I. The next day we took daughter home and took the road trip. <p>In the new town he decided to look for an apt, so we did. He registered for school. We went back home to get money together and move. I went back to friends house. He comes over one night and friend has neighbors boyfriend over, he's a friend of hers, not with me just there. Well Keith comes over and gets mad cause the guys there and drives off. I later find out the girl he had been seeing agreed to give him the money for the apt but was planning to go up with him so he couldn't take me, therefore he came up with excuse not to (I'm cheating with the guy). I move back in to his house at his request, and keep all the furniture and get a temp job to make money until I go up there with him. I visit him often and one time I run into the other girl, she comes out half asleep in his tshirt and we confront him. He weasels his way out but only because we both chose to go back to him. I find out he's been driving her car an hour and a half in the middle of the night to come see me (now I know why it was always so late). Months later(mid Nov) I go up to see him and she calls that night. Didn't know we were still together. He take phone off hook, says she is psycho. Next day she calls again, and he hangs up on her, she gets mad and drives up. Finds us on campus and throws a fit, he gets in car with her (? I have no idea) and they leave. She goes to nearest cop and tells cop he has a warrant for his arrest, this is true so he gets arrested. He pays bond and gets out, I in the meantime have campus security take me to his house. Get there to find out she has broken in stolen some stuff (some mine) and broken a window by throwing iron through it. He makes report. She flees town. I am leaving little stuff out but, its all jumbled, I think you get the point. For Thanksgiving we are broke and have little to eat, Christmas is same way. We both get jobs and ff to 00. <p>In Feb I find out I'm pregnant. In March he goes to jail for five days for trouble from the last town. I get pages on his pager from someone I call back and its a girl. He gets letter in the mail from same girl saying she loves him. I think she paid to get him out of jail. She and I worked together at a restaurant, but I don't put the two together, as she is white and we are not, and that was just something we didn't do (interracial dating). Not sure what happened then exactly, except that we stayed together, I never heard from her again until way later. Keith is still in trouble and needs a lawyer, we don't have the money, and he "borrows" it from a cousin because he can't go to jail with baby on the way. I later find out that same chick gave him money for the lawyer, by taking out a loan for him, and he was cheating on me while I was pregnant. After baby is born I go to moms for month and a half. I am miserable, and he comes to get me. I still don't know about Amber (thats her name). But apparently she is still giving him money, he takes me shopping when I come home. She buys him a gold bracelet and a Seiko watch. He says he bought it off a guy who needed some money. He goes to Mardi Gras and Spring break in Florida with her money. Things are fine until summer. I snoop in computer and find archived messages they had together about him paying on jewelry bills and bank note. He says I love you and he has a surprise for her. I email her and we talk and I find out everything, its been a year + for them they met a month after I moved in. She was the one who took him to work and paid all our bills when we couldn't. She knew about me but he told her we weren't sleeping together, and she still wanted to be with him. He said he wanted me to move but I wouldn't. I asked her what his excuse was for not moving out, he tells her he's planning on it and they will get an apt together. For some reason I am mad at her and see it as a fight with her, so I decide to win. I confront him and he says he did it for the money. But he will call it off. I don't hear from her again. Obviously I stay. <p>When our son is 10 months (fall 01) I find out I'm pregnant again. Neither of us is amused. In the meantime I am getting hang ups on the phone. I order caller id only to find out its her again. I ask her why she's calling when she knows hes not home and tell her if she continues I will press harrassment charges. I also get a call from another girl who says she has wrong number. But her name rings a bell as being name on a phone number I found in his wallet once. I had called her back then and she said Keith had only been over to her house once, and they had met at work (his new job). But I distinctly remember her calling one morning at 4 saying she needed to speak with Keith it was an emergency. He did not get up. I realize the voice is the same (the brain is amazing). Anyway I get a job with one of Ambers friends who tells me Keith and Amber are still seeing each other. He denies it. She tells me Amber has decided not to see him anymore cause I'm pregnant again and she didn't know that because he still tell her (year later) that he doesn't want to be with me and we don't sleep together, he's there for his son. I don't know what to believe. It is now Januray 02 and I get another job and guess what another one of her friends works there too. She asks me weird questions that make me question who she is. Keith says shes a friend of Ambers. Ok. Whatever. She never says anything more to me but reports back to Amber what I say about me and Keith at work. I know who she is so I feed her info. <p>I am right at 28 weeks now, I work part time, have no car of my own, and have two kids already. I thought things were great between me and Keith finally. I was happy. Until last night, two women show up at my job I recognize Amber immediately though its been years since I saw her last. The other is vaguely familiar as I saw her just the other day getting out of the car that Keith had been driving alot lately (Henry's car) when I picked him up from work. She is Terah. The wrong number phone call. They tell me that they just found out about each other from snooping on Keith. Amber says she is two months pregnant. She has been with him for two years. Terah has been with him for 10 months. We go to my house where Keith is with the kids. We confront him, he says little. Pulls me into the house to talk. I say I'm leaving. He begs me to stay. He says his problem is money. He is addicted to it and will find anyway to get it. In the last town he stole and got in trouble, this time he gets it from other women. He loves me and I should know that because for four years he's taken care of me and my daughter and now our son, and for that I should consider taking him back. He will get counseling for his problem. He will do whatever I say. But I know him, as soon as I want him to answer questions he won't. I've been here before, and I know he's not gonna change, I've waited and waited. He has been accusing me of cheating for the longest, though I haven't. He told them I was pregnant but he didn't think it was his. He tells me now Amber is not pregnant and if she is its not his. I hate the way I feel, I have so many questions that I know I can never trust him to tell me the truth about because everything he says is geared toward getting me to stay, and if he tells me the real truth he knows I won't. I can't believe I love someone like this. I can't believe part of me still wants to stay. I can't anymore, but why does my heart still want him? What the hell is wrong with me? I have no tears left to cry. And I know its my fault I'm here because I should of left the first time. He left and walked to the park (at about 8pm) I have not seen him since. I guess he went to call and mend fences with one of them. My heart is trying to rationalize what he said about why he did it. It wants to believe him. I have no money, no car, and nowhere to go with two kids and one on the way. Except home to my mother who can barely take care of herself. <p>I know I gave wrong advice on the few occasions that I have posted. I told someone to follow their heart, while my heart has lost its marbles, and I'm going to do everything in my power to listen to my mind. If it can convince my heart that I'm not winning any prize by being the one he chooses I'll be in good shape I think. If my mind can convince my heart that even if he could stop cheating it would only be temporary until he could find some unsuspecting girl to talk into this mess too then I may be alright. But if I lose my mind for just one second I'm afraid of what I might do. Please pray for me, I will surely need it. And I'm sorry this was so long I have alot on my plate, unfortunately I fixed it myself and I have to eat it. Thanks for listening. <p>Bridgette

WOW! Bridgette!<p>You have alot on you right now. Some bigtime decisions to make. I don't have any words of wisdom other than you reading and analyzing your situation and deciding what you WANT out of a partner. You will never be able to change him....EVER.<p>What kind of role-model to you want to be for your children? Think about this because no matter what we say to our children....they emulate us.<p>I know you are hurting right now and I am truly sorry for that.<p>selket

Oy vey .... here goes nothin'<p>Married 1981. 2 kids.<p>D-day ... December 27 1996. Mr. Pepper lied for 3 days, saying, "We're just close friends. We stopped before it got out of hand." I smelled something rotten ... and I pressed him harder. And the truth POPPED out of him .... and I think he was actually relieved.<p>Truth is this... an EA for 2 years, a PA for 18 months. Worse than that, OW is married to his childhood friend. Once I found out the length and depth of their involvement, my reaction:
"You're out of here. It's over."<p>His response:
"I'll do ANYTHING to change your mind and save our marriage. ANYTHING."<p>So, I told him he needed to sit with his friend and confess his affair with friend's wife .... with ME present. (Are you thinking I'm crazy yet? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>We did just that! BOY .... was OW angry! She left him scathing voice mails that I listened to. (and I enjoyed them, I must say)<p>Anyway, this is such a long time ago....<p>I had him move out for 3 months and live with his mom. AND during this time, my girlfriend took me to see "Waiting To Exhail" ..... well, I thought I would die when the wife set her husband's belongings on fire in his BMW! I did not go that far, but I did toss all his stuff into the garage and left it there for 3 months. (love busting ???? what's that [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>So .... rebuilding began on that immature playing field.<p>Here's good things that resulted. Mr. Pepper went into AA .... and has 6 years sobriety [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . We went into parenting workshops together so we could be effective with our "challenging" child. We began a practice of praying together every day, holding hands. Mr. Pepper's business relationships became amazingly ethical after AA 12-steps were being worked ... and his career took off.<p>We are together. I struggle with some personal issues that may be affair related ... but they have more to do with MY character flaws than his.<p>The other couple remains married as far as we know. Mr. Pepper's deepest regret (after hurting our marriage) ... is screwing up a life long friendship [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hope you all did not fall asleep.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</p>

Hi there!<p>I'm also coming over from Redbook and I think I'll just make this short but sweet!<p>D-day for me was a good 4 years ago after my husband had a work affair and THOUGHT he was "in love"! I was shocked and heartbroken (not to mention furious!) and I immediately told him I would be planning a divorce but in a matter of days we realized how important we were to each other and how much we really DID love each other. It took a lot of work and a lot of talking and hashing and good old fashioned honesty and marathon communication sessions over pots of coffee all night long! But we made it and are happily rebuilt. We will be celebrating our 20th anniversary this year!<p>I should also point out that I'm the community leader for the BSSG board on iVillage and I have been there for over 3 years. I found that board a few months after my D-day and it was there for me when I needed it most. So now that I am "older, wiser and down the road" I remain there because I feel like I have so much to give back to the place that helped me keep my own sanity!! I treasure that board and the wonderful ladies on there and I am fiercely protective of them... but I came to Redbook and here because I, personally, have reached a point where I like to have the interaction with all sides in an attempt to grow and learn.<p>Jill [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by PsychoElf:
<strong>OK, Sel, the "challenged one" will try. Good idea, BTW. Here goes.<p>Elf</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi PsychoElf and others! Welcome to MB. <p>PsychoElf, I am responding to you because I relate to your story so well. I am so sorry about your daughter. There are no words that can express the grief and horror of losing a child. It's like part of you has died, isn't it? My boy, age 18, was killed 2 years ago in a car accident so I know what you have gone through. <p>You are in good company here. There are some others here who have also lost thier children. Topie25 lost her little boy and WAT also lost his boy. <p>Glad to have you aboard!

Hello All,<p>Thought I would chime and welcome you. I sense I am the only guy who has responded. Didn't you bring any guys with you??? Duh! I guess not, Redbook, right???<p>In any case welcome, I hope you all find your way around here alright. If you would like to see what many think are the more important articles or even "notable posts" although I am not sure they are still being updated, go to the Just Found Out section and look for "Onegoing's" posts. Within those posts are bookmarked many of the articles.<p>Again, welcome to MB and<p>God Bless,<p>JL

My Story<p>WH (DH) and I married were August '97. From the beginning there were major problems in the marriage. Mostly from unresolved issues that I had with his past. Jan 14 '00 I got a distinct impression that something wasn't right and pressed him on it. 2 days later he told me that he wasn't happy in our marriage but nothing more. 4 days later he quit talking to me and moved into the other bedroom (the same day that he and OW kissed for the first time- I did not know this yet). 1 week after this he was caught at a hotel with my best friend. He swore that nothing was going on with her but that he was involved with someone at work and he wanted a divorce (I think some of his exact words were - "I would rather go to hell than stay married to you"). <p>I left for 2 weeks to visit my parents in another state. 2 days after I came back (Feb 14) he told me that he wanted to stay married to me. The next day, Feb 15 is the day I found out that he had been having an emotional/physical affair (although they never actually had sex only an Arkansas judge would let them off) with my best friend and that he was fully intending to marry her. She had filed for divorce the day after he stopped talking to me. <p>After Feb 15 there was no contact with her on his part for 2 months. Then at the end of April she called him and for 3 days they spent hours on the phone. I found out several days later that something had gone on. <p>This next part may sound a little out there for those who don't believe in prayer but I do. When I started getting the idea something was up I emailed several of my friends and told them to start praying - that all hell was about to break lose. The next day he told me that when he went to bed the night before he still had feelings for her and couldn't figure out how to make them go away. However, when he woke up the next morning he had no feelings for her at all. <p>Not knowing about his change in heart I told him and the counselor at this point that I wanted him out of my life. I did not want to spend anymore of my life with him or anymore emotions worrying about him getting involved with her again. When I said this he got really scared because for the first time in months he had absolutely no desire other than to be married and stay married to me.<p>Since then things have been on a steady albeit rather bumpy climb up. <p>As for my former best friend, she pretty much got hers in that as a way of trying to convince her husband to divorce her so she could be with my husband she confessed to 3 unknown affairs to add to the 2 known affairs. She and her husband are back together and well suited for each other.<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: irishprincess71 ]</p>

Hi everyone! Just didn't want you thinking I'm ignoring posting my story....I'm working on it! (okay, one of my faults is I'm a procrastinator...did I spell that right Pepper?)<p>JL and others - thanks for the welcome and yes, we did have a few guys at Redbook but none of them followed us here yet - and they're great guys too! <p>RRR - I just thought of Jake - anyone hear from him? I miss his posts.<p>Hugs,
JJ

Welcome all of you - I'd wondered what the Redbook was all about. Sounds like some of you have been together a long time. I am fairly new to MB (found it 10/01 but lurked for a while) <p>Pepperband, I'd like to know how you pressed your WH & the truth popped out ???<p>I pray that my husband finds sobriety. We were drinking buddies until he went to rehab about 10 years ago. Then I found AA at family weekend & have 9+ years. I think very highly of the long term people in AA. The ones who work the program & grow. It has changed my life in so many positive ways. I'm glad for you & your husband.<p>
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Welcome all of you - I'd wondered what the Redbook was all about. Sounds like some of you have been together a long time. I am fairly new to MB (found it 10/01 but lurked for a while) <p>Pepperband, I'd like to know how you pressed your WH & the truth popped out ???<p>I pray that my husband finds sobriety. We were drinking buddies until he went to rehab about 10 years ago. Then I found AA at family weekend & have 9+ years. I think very highly of the long term people in AA. The ones who work the program & grow. It has changed my life in so many positive ways. I'm glad for you & your husband.<p>
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Welcome all of you - I'd wondered what the Redbook was all about. Sounds like some of you have been together a long time. I am fairly new to MB (found it 10/01 but lurked for a while) <p>Pepperband, I'd like to know how you pressed your WH & the truth popped out ???<p>I pray that my husband finds sobriety. We were drinking buddies until he went to rehab about 10 years ago. Then I found AA at family weekend & have 9+ years. I think very highly of the long term people in AA. The ones who work the program & grow. It has changed my life in so many positive ways. I'm glad for you & your husband.<p>
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