K-
Hi. I have been thinking about your post ever since I first read it a few days ago. I am so sorry what you are going through.
I understand it well. I lost my temper in a similar fashion with my WH a month ago..first time ever. I was shocked at my response to him but nevertheless, it happened. If you haven't, please forgive yourself. It is so hard to go through this with kids, new jobs, and wanting the M back.
I am appalled at what your husband is doing but I am wondering if he is doing at the advice of an atty in case custody issues arise? My guess is that he didn't think through his actions.
Everything happens for a reason..someday you'll find out why this situation happened and how you will benefit from it.
I am sorry it happened. It must seem like a bad dream..but normal, well-adjusted people (yes, I put myself in that category) do lose their temper in awful situations. I know that I'll never do it again and I bet you won't either.
Take care,
Can't Sleep

to kimmy1,

I TOTALLY understand what your going through! I feel the same way. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life to have no contact with my husband. I know he doesn't want me and that makes it so hard!! It's like he just forget about the 14 years of marriage & 3 children just like that. Weve been together since we were 17! Were now 35. Its the most devastating! I want to talk with him about WHY HE'S DOING THIS TO OUR FAMILY!!!??? I am so angry and I want answers!!! I feel like a nobody & it hurts when he comes in to see the kids and just ignores me. How have you been doing lately? Why would I still want someone who treated me like this?? Because I LOVE HIM...

Kimmy

Just thinking about you...are you ok?

ayslyne

I'm somewhat concerned too. I hope she's doing okay.

Jo

Hi everyone. Thanks again for your concern and comments. I feel like you're all friends even though I don't see you physically.

Well, the last few days have been hard. I know now my marriage has ended, and that my H finally got what he wanted..to have no contact of any kind with me. He met with our friend Friday night who has agreed to be the third party to arrange for child visitation, etc. He again reiterated to our friend how unhappy he was in our marriage and why. Even now, after everything he's done, he can't stop telling horrible stories about me. Can't he just let me be. Hasn't he destroyed me enough without continuing to put me down.

In addition, he told my friend that it's not fair that I get the kids Christmas Eve AND keep them until 5:00 pm Christmas Day. When my friend called to tell me that I couldn't believe it and burst into tears. My H hadn't even discussed Xmas plans with me. I had been reminding him over the last 3 weeks that he needed to arrange Xmas with me, so the fact that he boldfaced lied to my friend just upset me so much. We had the calendar booked until the end of the second week of December..that was it. We had never discussed Xmas.

In addition, he told my friend that I never wanted the mediator. That again is a boldfaced lie and everyone knows that I've been waiting and waiting for him to bring me that paperwork. I just don't get it. It's like he's become a perpetual liar to continue this image of the wife from hell he has in his mind. It hurts me very much to hear that.

Yes..I know our marriage is over. Yes..I know this man has something wrong with him, but am I sad? Yes, very sad. I am sad that my marriage is over. Very sad. It is not something I ever wanted and the fact that he left me the way he did, treated me the way he did, and now I've been charged with assault and all this in a matter of 5 months is hard to believe. And, my poor kids. One day they're going to be old enough to understand and it's going to be interesting to see how they deal with it.

My friends have continued to be supportive and today I spoke to an elderly friend of mine who I have been visiting since his wife of 59 years died earlier this year. I haven't spoken to him in a few weeks and when I told him what had happened he insisted on taking me when I go for fingerprinting next week. I was grateful for the offer and I know it does him good to help. He said I've helped him cope with his wife's death and now he can help me. Again, I am so blessed to have so many caring people.

I tried to keep busy this weekend..took the kids to see 'Harry Potter' yesterday..very enjoyable, and today we went to the mall and met a friend and did some Xmas shopping all together so that was nice. My sister also came up and brought me a $2,000 cheque which is the retainer for the lawyer who is doing the separation agreement.

I have a reference for a criminal lawyer and hope to make an appointment for this week.

My son had a hockey game last night and again late this afternoon and it broke my heart I couldn't be there. He said he looked over at the stands where I usually sit and it was empty. I'm really hoping that my lawyer can get that condition changed as it's really important for me to be there to see him.

Other than that, not much else to report. I will continue to post here and continue to support those of you who are trying to reconcile. I wish my story had turned out differently. I think the MB principles are excellent and can work if the circumstances are right.

I'll let everyone know how I'm doing. I'm a bit worried about the next few months. Now I feel truly alone. Before I always had that small ember deep in my soul that perhaps one day my H and I would work it out and that kept me going, even through the pain. Now I know it's over. I can now only have faith that perhaps one day, this will all be behind me, the house and financial will be sorted out, and perhaps there will be a happy future for me. I am already lonely and just have to keep the faith that perhaps there is someone else out there for me to care for. That's all I ever wanted. Someone to love and someone to love me.

Thanks again for all your posts. I couldn't have gotten through the last 5 months without everyone here.

Hi Kimmy....so sorry for the pain your going through. Wish i could say something that would take it all away. Maybe the anger you now feel will help you get through this. Remember what goes around, comes around. Your H down the line will get whats coming to him. God will see to that. I am a firm beleiver that when you do such painfully wrong doings to someone, you eventually get your just punishments. Keep posting here and let us know how your doing. Are you having any relatives coming for Christmas dinner? If so, i know its hard but concentrate on making that a really good day. I guess this is easier said than done. Would you be able to go on a little trip maybee shortly after Xmas. Maybe like a little resort type place with spa's, whirlpools, facials the whole nine yards. Dont know if legally you would be allowed to leave, but you could find out. Take the kids, they could go tobaggning, etc. I think Bryers resort up near Sutton is good. Would do you good to get away for a couple of days. Anyway, got to get D off to school, keep in touch....A/C0810

Oh, Kimmy1, I'm so sorry. I remember when you sent out your first post, so many months ago. And I replied because I had also just found out about my WH's A, and you really got to me with your sadness and disbelief and wanting to save your M. I've been away from MB for a while working on my own problems and had lost track of your story. Now to read this! How awful - to have come to this point in such a short while. I imagine part of you is in such complete shock and disbelief that your life has spiralled out of control so quickly.

I am glad of one thing - you've finally reached the point of "enough is enough". Good for you! My heart bled for you every time I saw your previous notes and felt the pain you were going through. But now it sounds like you've finally reached the point where your WH can't get you into that state any more. Maybe you can move on and get your life in order, stop focusing on him, and work on yourself.

Just wanted to give my support, for what it's worth. Take care, be strong.

<small>[ December 02, 2002, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: SH94 ]</small>

Hey Kimmy,

How are you doing?

ayslyne

Starting to worry kimmy...

ayslyne

Hi. I'm here. Thanks for your concern.

I've had a really rough week emotionally. I met with a criminal lawyer last week (another $2,000) who advised me to be prepared for a long haul. She said I may as well tell my son that I won't be able to see any of his games for the rest of the season as this will most likely take months to resolve. She also told me that the least 'punishment' we can hope for is probably anger management and parenting counselling. This ticks me off as I know I need neither, but unfortunately may have to go through that and be satisfied if that's all I get. She said my record is clean so I just have to be patient and go through the process, and not to panic. I go for fingerprinting and photographing on Thursday a.m. and then have an appointment with my other lawyer who is handling the separation.

I'm extremely tired and burnt out and today driving home from work I just cried the whole way home. I honestly feel that the last 5 months, and add onto it the whole assault thing and also now the separation process, and add to that the added stress of Xmas (of which I've done basically nothing), is making me be at the point of almost crashing. People are now starting to tell me at work that I 'don't look like myself'..'am I not well'..etc.

But, the worst thing is, that despite everything that's happened, it's only been just over 5 months since my H left and I'm just still devastated. Of course I'm angry and sometimes hate him, but like today..I just miss him and wish he'd never left and we could turn back the clock 6 months. I wish he'd stayed and we could have worked through his unhappiness and live our lives together. I know he's not good or healthy for me and would not be a good choice ever now for reconciliation as I'd never, ever be confident or trustworthy again, but I still grieve the end of my marriage and just dread the day I know he's in a serious relationship and another woman is touching him and he touching another woman.

Do I feel pathetic for feeling this way? Yes.

I know I'm extremely strong and honestly can't believe I've handled as much emotional stress as I have, but I am just burnt out.

And, of course, add to that loneliness.

I have browsed this website quite often the last few days and feel nostalgic for the days when I was posting, hoping deep down that I may be one of the success stories. I read the posts and just pray that those of you trying so hard to retain their marriage are successful.

I just pray everyday asking God what the reason is that my children and I are hurting so much, and to please give us strength to get through this difficult time.

Kimmy -- You are strong. You are good. You will not only survive you will thrive. You will find true love. You will be happy. I have to believe this. I do not believe that God intends for us to stay miserable or unhappy. There is a purpose, but I can't see it other than it makes you a stronger and better person, but maybe it just isn't our time to see the purpose.

I am still incredulous over what has happened with your WH and this criminal charge/restraining order. Maybe this was meant to reveal to you just how much you need to NOT be with your WH anymore. Maybe this was to give you the strength to change your life. Maybe this was to reveal in some way to your WH just how far from reality and love he has pushed himself. I don't know. I wish I had answers. I wish I had a magic wand and could make it better for me, for you and everyone else here at MB that is experiencing pain and frustration.

Hugs to you Kimmy. You deserve so much more than what you are currently experiencing.

Sometimes we need a push or something big to make us react. What happened to me during Thanksgiving was a wake up call. It may be that only by walking away she may return, I don't know. What he did is beyond wrong and unjust, but perhaps it will give you the strength to change tactics and protect yourself and the kids.

I was beginning to get worried about you. I am glad you posted. Take a deep breath, it will get better.

God bless and be well.

Kimmy,I know it sure doesn't seem like it, but there will be better days ahead. How unfair and tragic it all is. But thankfully you do have your sons. God Bless you, Kimmy.

You are a survivor learning to become a thriver... I look forward to reading those future posts when things don't look or seem so dim... call me pollyanna... but the more you rely on God and look for the lessons... the stronger you will become and the blessings will be there. Even now, I read the strength and hope in your posts.

Hugs and prayers,
Cali

hi Kimmy....i beleive too you will survive this fiasco. My heart aches for you. I am a firm beleiver that time heals all wounds. This mess is all just too fresh right now and the pain from it is tremendous. Try to take each day at a time. Keep busy.

What about the mutual friend you and your H have, the one that he tells things too. Do you think he may have told her alot more, that she hasnt told you about. The reason i ask is because maybe there would be some tidbits that would benefit you in court. How close are you to her? Would you be able to get her to spill her guts? Sounds like she doesnt want to take sides anyway, but would be good to get her on your side if she knew alot of negative details, example, proof of A, things he said about you( proof that he is the A-hole he really is).

I hope we hear from you soon, take care and God Bless you sweetie....A/C0810

Thank goodness you are ok. We know things are a mess now but better days are ahead. Stay with us we care about you.

ayslyne

Thinking about you lots kimmy,

please let us know how you are doing...

ayslyne

DITTO!

Cali

Hi Kimmy,

I'm new to MB but I read your story and I cried. I feel so bad that you had to go through all the stuff that you've been through the last 6 months. The part that touched me was:

But, the worst thing is, that despite everything that's happened, it's only been just over 5 months since my H left and I'm just still devastated. Of course I'm angry and sometimes hate him, but like today..I just miss him and wish he'd never left and we could turn back the clock 6 months. I wish he'd stayed and we could have worked through his unhappiness and live our lives together. I know he's not good or healthy for me and would not be a good choice ever now for reconciliation as I'd never, ever be confident or trustworthy again, but I still grieve the end of my marriage and just dread the day I know he's in a serious relationship and another woman is touching him and he touching another woman.

This is a horrible thought (I have them too)

My M isn't completely over yet but my H told me the "I don't love you" words too. It is very painful and with the holidays very depressing. I wish that I could make your pain go away because it makes me sad to know someone is suffering so much. I just want to give you a big hug right now. Take care of yourself and I'll check up on you later. Concerned person: depressed

Hi everyone. Again...thanks for your concern.

The last week or so hasn't been much better, but I don't have the energy right now to write about it. I am feeling really burnt out and have so much extra stress with this assault charge and everything related to it, and unfortunately started feeling ill last night and today woke up with such a sore throat I can barely swallow and my head is just all clogged up. I went to work of course, but am trying to do as little tonight as I can because tomorrow is my first court appearance.

I am not looking forward to it. Finger printing and photographing was last week and wasn't too bad, but I'll be glad when tomorrow is over. My lawyer is meeting me there and we hear the evidence my H presented and she determines my plea and they give me a trial date. I just hope it's over quickly. She said we could be there half an hour, or all day. You just wait until your name is called.

I also started anti-depressants on Monday - Celexa. Last week felt like the first week my H left, when I just cried uncontrollably and thought I was going to have a breakdown. So, I know I'm close to the breaking point and can't take more than what's been piled on me emotionally the last 6 months. I hope they work.

Well..that's it for now. I've got so much to tell but will post again. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.