Hello everyone,

What have you done in making/getting WS to pay child support on a consistent basis. (we are living apart) I have filed a petition through the state but they are very slow. I can't afford an attorney. Does any one know if you can use an attorney when it's only for child support, and not a legal separation or divorce.

God Bless you all,

WR

Depends on the state I would imagine. I was told over and over in texas I could file for divorce and get temporary orders quickly... which would demand child support.... but I DID not want to FILE for the D.

So - finally I filed with the attorney general office in texas. I read about it on the state att. gen. website and how the process goes. I only filed a few weeks ago.

MOney is an issue for me too, as is the fact that I would have to file for a D... not wanting a divorce but wanting payments for the kids.

WS get in such fog... My h thinks he has given me way more money this yr than he has.. and also claims that since we are married and I make more money, why should he pay me? It is crazed... his other idea is that the kids should just come live with him... if I can't afford them.

Anyway, the above makes me wonder why I even want this man. I am steaming with anger when it comes to the lack of support for the kids. Being forced to become the mom and the dad... alone.. without it ever being wanted... when you married for a family... ugh....

Anyway- some states have legal seperation with things like child support and visitation and etc. spelled out... i think it is good....

You might even be able to get an agreement/ a contract of sorts drafted btwn you and your h.

I have basically decided to count only on me ... for now.... and not count on anything from him.

I have had a big feeling of relief since I filed for child support with the state. For 14 months I did not know I could.... all the attorney's I talked to did not tell me I could do this..... all along.

Hugs and Hope, Honey

WR - do you have a legally binding contract, like a separation agreement, that specifies child support?

There is likely a public assistance service in your community that can assist you. Perhaps start with the child welfare function.

Let us know what you try and what the results are.

check out your local listings and look for family assistance in your area. Some of these agencies have emgerency assistance. See if you qualify.

Garnishment should be an option. See how quickly the paperwork can get processed. Let them know you are desparate.

L.

Honey and Worthatry, I have filed the petition for support in the state of Illinois (March 01/stopped it when we reconciled; started it again July 02 when husband left again), but it is taking a long time. It is very difficult to even get them on the telephone and when you do they can't give you any substantial information.

Why is the fog so thick when it comes to WS supporting their children. How can they live with themselves knowing that they are not doing right by their BS and children.

I too make more money than my husband and I tithe at church and he will use that against me to justify his lack of support. He has only given us $300.00 dollars total since he left in July and didn't do very much before we left us. He and the OW both gamble.

I have zero expectation of Danny so anything he does is a plus. It is difficult to handle everything regarding the marriage and family.

I will keep you posted. Hopefully, the supervisor will call me next week.

Hello L,

It is amazing that I make too much money for any type of assistant, yet when you consider that I and others income is reduced and affected by WS behavior, sometimes leaving us and our children financially strapped.

A friend was telling me that you could have a lawyer draw up support papers for about $500.00. My guess is that both spouse have to agree. I am going to check out a few things as mentioned here.

Thanks for all of your advice and comment,

Be blessed,

WR
Thanks for all of your advice/comments.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wisdom rules:
<strong>How can they live with themselves knowing that they are not doing right by their BS and children.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For sure, the most vexing question within adulterous situations, especially those involving children.

After over two years participating on this forum and witnessing two WSs at close range, I believe there are two possible answers:

1. They honestly don't know what they're doing, and/or,

2. They are not themselves, or any other critically thinking person.

Because these two reasons are SOOOOOO hard to accept, we here have adopted two additional and more "believable" explanations:

1. Alien abduction, with attendant brain experimentation/scrambling, and/or,

2. Moose brain worms.

WR, we all would like to understand why they behave so, and I think we waste a lot of energy trying to figure it out - I'm probably more guilty than most in this regard. So perhaps we need to just put this question aside as being unexplainable to rational people and go about playing the hand we've been dealt.

Good luck on the legal front.

WAT

Hello Worthatry,

First of all, I want to say I have the utmost respect for you and secondly, I appreciate your taking the time to respond to my messages and share your wisdom. Thanks

You're right about my or our wasting time trying to figure out WS. I am guilty to. Lord help us.

I think your explainations are right on the mark. I am going to call a few attorneys and see if they can help me expedite my support request. Then,I would probably be able to get more than the 20% allowed by the state for one child, when private school and before and after school care are taken into consideration (share 50/50 is my guess). In a way it will be worse for WS. Oh well, my hands are forced to do this.

I hope that you, are doing well and all the rest on this site.

Be blessed,

WR

WR- It is good to do something... you are reminding me to make a call or two today to see what is happening with my open case.

My ws is prone to extreme anger at me... so I let him know I filed for support with att. general... guess what no money since?

He always says I have more..- I definitely make too much for support from public agencies, etc.- how else could I live and provide for the kids?

This is just a plain awful situation. I NEVER imagined my h acting like this in a million yrs. I had been an at home mom working part time when he left.... and he was making plenty of money... my guess is - he resented doing this and was angry... who knows? He never sd that? I guess I should be worn out and working all the time, that is what he seems to think... and the kids suffer.. and spend more time with my mom than me...b ut at least I have her to help with the childcare- but now I have to deal with a woman who gets too involved and pushy.... ugh. But my kids do get good care.

The whole siatuions is amazingly horrid. How could any person do this to their families... my WS says it is all my fault he is doing this.... WHAT?????

Hugs to you.

Honey

Honey,

Girl, I know exactly how you feel. We have no choice but to stay on top of things. It is for the good of our children. God knows this is not what I thought I'd be doing when my husband and I married over 10 years ago and then had our son who is nearly 5 years old.

My spouse has an anger problem to. It is sad that although their anger is directed at us and seemingly for no reason other than to justify their wayward behavior, our children suffer. But thank God that they have parents like us who are taking care of them instead of yielding to our self centered desires that only cause pain to the entire family.

Thank God you had the opportunity to go from part-time to full-time. Our stand in being pro-family and pro-marriage is an extension of God's grace, his unmerited favor. It is wonderful that our WS have BS who have unconditional love for them, when they are so undeserving.

I pray that all of our children make it through this attack upon our families with no scars.

Be encouraged,

WR

Hello There,

FWS was served child support papers (interview date) by the sherriff. He took it well! We are spending more time together (not like I want). He thought that perhaps this was the reason I had him served, but I told him no, this process was started in July 02 and I reminded him of how long it took the first time before we reconcilled for 9 months. I had it stopped then but now I will not stop it. I told him he had the life of leisure while I had all of our responsibilities.

WR

My ex-husband just really does not seem to feel any financial responsibility for his kids, a concept which is completely beyond me. Our divorce was amicable, and our settlement agreement did not specify a dollar amount (he was not working at the time and had custody of the girls for the first months).

He has the hardest time understanding the concepts of support requirements in California. Given our incomes, he should be paying $1,100. some months he sends $300, some months he sends nothing. The months where he has any visitation, he sends nothing (and his girlfriend feels I should pay them!) And of course, there is never any concern about insurance, braces, tuition, day care, school expenses, medical bills, etc. etc. I gave up trying to figure out his thought process on the subject!

Hello KS41,

Have you ever considered going back to court and have your order for support modified? It is terrible that men can be so selfish in not supporting their children. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

WR