HI, ALL I am posting here for first time .

I am posted in "Just Found Out"

How do u end something if u really don't want to?
PlanA and Plan B . Came home bounderies set. Broken - and back on rollercoaster <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How do u get through to someone? , they act like your getting through then do something totally different.

Is Plan a ever successful with OP still in picture?
What am I doing wrong ? Why is OW hurt still more important than mine? Can H be telling any trueth?

He says when it geos away we will be fine , (OW)
She is so needy she will never go away .

My posts are long but some more input will be GREATLY APPRECATED PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI 3iscrowd.... It is a little ironic to see your post title as I logue in for the first time once again after two years away....and today, here I am back again looking for help and support.

I'm looking for the same answers as you I believe, but I'll tell you that this board and the folks here helped me through a very dark and bleak period of my life after I learned of my husbands affair three years ago. We divorced and are actually good friends now, in fact, he was the second person I called when I learned about this newest episode. He was very supportive and has called to see how I'm doing...but I got sidetracked....

I'll be following your post and look forward to the current advice this group can give because I am at a loss right now of where to turn from here....I just know I need to hear from others in my position....

I've read your other post 3 -- and I think your situation is more intolerable than any I've seen lately.

Your H comes and goes as he pleases, letting you know when he is going to spend the night with OW, comes home whenever he feels like it, and even brings YOUR CHILDREN in on his deceptions.

You need a healthy dose of self-respect and stop allowing him to do this to you.

You are exactly right -- he is telling you loud and clear that OW's feelings are more important to him than yours. STOP ALLOWING HIM TO WALK ALL OVER YOU. This has been going on for a long time.
Only you can stop it.

Apply for some assistance or check out shelters. If you can get some financial assistance, get ready to throw out his stuff and change the locks.

DO NOT RAISE YOUR CHILDREN THIS WAY. They will grow up and treat their families the same way. Break the cycle now.

IMHO all OP's are needy, period. Unfortunately that is what attracted our spouses to them.

I was told that I am stronger and that I can handle all of this and that she wouldn't be able to handle any of it!!!

At some point he has to let go of her for the two of you to make it.

You continue planA'ing, make you the best you, you can be! Remember that it is for you that you do a plan A.

You continue until you are tired of all this crap, then you decide are you making progress toward your marriage or away from it. Then the decision is yours, do I continue trying or do I accept that at this time my marriage is a loss and that I must move on. No one can tell you when that is, your spsouse will push on you to let go and move on don't until you are ready.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey daybreak...

Followed over to this post from mine, but this is what I needed to hear - AGAIN....

I guess I remember more then I thought - the first thing I did was put on the breaks and started decided to work on some things for me that I had set aside.

You are right about 'being stronger and able to handle it' stuff....that is the same for my case too - I am very strong and she is very needy - part of the attraction - he likes to feel important nd needed and with me, we were equals. Actually not - because I am financially set and didn't need a provider, that always bothered him.

I will follow your advice and continue for me and when I see the light on the other side, I will move to it. If it is away from him - so be it, I have faith there will be someone better on the other side. And you are right that no one can tell you when that is - I learned that the first time....I'll know though...

Thanks for writing..

Maybe the only thing you are doing wrong is that you think you can make a marriage all by yourself. You cannot control him. If you cannot tolerate infidelity, then consider Plan B and divorce if he doesn't wise up and change.

I had to have a broken arm, the flaunting and denial of an affair for months, the revelation of an affair by the woman's husband and then months of MC with WH wondering if he could hang up on OW before I decided I can only give him time to change and if he doesn't we're divorcing. He has been saying that it is up to me to forgive him. NO -- it is up to him to change. During the A, with my arm in a cast and my H swearing in front on me (our D turned one at the time and one of her first ten words what [censored]), I thought that not even Ted Bundy deserves this treatment but I persisted because I was committed to our M. Is this how I want our children to be raised? Don't they deserve better?

Thank u all

DAYBREAK -TU in one respect I think I wanted someone here to just say something to me to keep me moving .
I have alot of thinking to do , PLAN B is diffucult , H refuses to leave and I have no where to go (2 KIDS) and a situation about the h
house.

OW hasen't called in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!
but I don't know why it makes me nerves like there up to something , maybe I am so use to being parinode(spelling sucks)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

OK - I am wrong as of today OW hasn't called in 5 days. Why is this not making me jump for joy? Why do feel like another lie is being set up?

I mean H told me she gave him ultimatume,To MOVE BACK IN WITH HER BY CHRISTMAS Or don't bother with her any more ?

I said , wow that makes no sense since he has been saying all along they have been over since he came , but has been going there for her to get her closer (cause she don't understand if H is not home why won't he be with her?)

He seems all ok but says ," I know she will start up again calling , screaming ,ECT."

He says she is just not willing to except it is over . And of course the truth of him being home is out of question .

Well back to my origanal question ? Why am I not crazy with excitment ?

H is acting ok (normal) I think thats what drives me nuts no talk about working on anything , just same attitude we are ok whats the problem, let things be ,we are together .

I don't know , he hasen't been out of my site , he has been making effort to keep cell phone near me so I can see he is not sneaking calls and that ow is not calling . Playing with kids and has made love to me twice in these 5 days . Just not talking and is not well KISSING MY A$$!!!!!!!!

Ok someone tell me I am expecting to much all at once? or do I have every reson to be parinode?

Ok another problem - NO CHRISTMAS GIFT

Let me begin by saying I am NOT amaterial girl never was a card turns me on .

I got one of those and was very to our situation
but I did tell him a while age my engagement ring broke some time ago .

And when he begged me to come home one of HIS promises that HE said , was to RE-NEW VOWS
I told him I would never do that unless he got my ring fixed showed me he was truly remorseful and showed signs of change . He cried for days when he came home always saying he would propose agian and put my ring on .

Right before christmas ( after sleeping at ow apt.) he said I got nthing for u for chritmas what do u want I laghed and said u no and won't give it to me .OW GONE and commit to rebuilding marriage . H said she will go away blah blah blah

Well he wanted me to go fix ring I said no .

day after christmas he went and now it is fixed , this morning he said try it on I did he said looks good . I took it off, he said, just put it on don't be that way i said no it won't go on till u do it with your heart and the love it went on with the first time, it is still in box.

sorry so long I am drinking , and kids driving me crazy still up , he is playing game on playstation and I am trying not to choke him cause I think he keeps kids awake to aviod being intamate with me . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I just read DAY BY DAY post and I am glad I did cuz she is in very simalar situation and getting some very differnt feed back more encouraging and I think the advice there is helping me see better at least people are telling her to hang on .

and she is sharing H to .

3isacrowd, Don't give up yet. It is difficult, the hardest thing to go thru but I believe that things can work out. I am trying to have faith that God can and will turn things around and I don't want to give up without doing all I can do. If you want to e-mail me let me know and I'll post my addy. I have been going thru the same thing with my H. he was with OW last night new years eve, but he did tell me he wished he had made plans with me. But he still wouldn't break his plans with her. I don't think it means they don't want to hurt OW as much as it is they don't want to hurt themselves and see more devastation of what they have done to everyone. The only thing dif. with me is my H. moved out, it was too much for both of us with him doing what he wanted. So I don't have the in the face stuff, but I know he's with her quite a bit. Hang in there, I'm here to talk to if you want.

DBD-Thank u for your words. If u read my post in-
"Just Found Out" -

(u need some time it is long and confusing)

H was out ,lived with her,(june 2001- til- feb.2002)

Came home said it was over and still says it is but is with her not to hurt her anymore then she already is .

So when I say I have been where u are now I mean I was there. Told me wanted to be with me was coming home we set dead line ect.

But started over some how 5 months after home.

Any way I spent last New Year at freinds house I know about the pit in your stomach and pian in your heart u where feeling .

TY again for your response.

Be a better u , someone told me -

"It takes 30 years for a tree to grow strong roots,and only 5 mins to cut it down "

That is why we try so hard WE are not people to take the easy way out . They are the cowards.