I'm looking for input on how to properly balance/divide the units of time that we have aside from sleeping and work to include private time, family time and spouse time.

Post d-day, my FWH and I spent a multitude of our spare time together. Going to conferences, going on dates, etc. But as time has passed and circumstances have changed (i.e. the ability to locate a babysitter), our spouse time has diminished. Over the past month our lives have been so hectic, that our spare time has been allocated for us - with little input from us (funerals, sick relatives, work parties, school programs, church activities ...). Now that our routine should be coming back into shape should I freak out over the following situation:

My H took off the week of Christmas, which was a blessing as he watched the kids while I worked. However, the whole week was spent on the internet at various auction sites etc. Sure he went to the family get togethers, but he checked his sites before we left and as soon as we got back. The internet played a role in our marriage getting to a bad place a year ago. We both have used it very little up until last week when he started back up. I didn't say anything then because I felt it was HIS vacation, and if he wanted to spend it on the internet, then that was his option. But even when I got home, he stayed on the internet. Now the activity continues. He went back to work yesterday for the first time following his vacation. When he got home, back to the internet he went. So here's another question: Should I make an issue of it now, or should I wait and see if he weans back off in a week or so?

I feel like when he's on the internet he's using all of his spare time for private time. No spouse time, no family time. But am I jumping the gun by bringing it up this early in the game?

<small>[ December 31, 2002, 09:34 AM: Message edited by: jamup ]</small>

Hey, Jamup.

Knowing as much about your situation as I do, I think you need to nip the problem in the bud. If it's bothering you, then it's a problem, and he needs to know it.

Good luck, and I love you.

I'm bumping this because I think there are many others out there who could give excellent advice to Jamup.

Honesty is the best policy, right? I'd say you should point out to him that you've noticed the amount of time he's been spending on the net. Also tell him honestly that you have been feeling like you haven't had as much time together just the two of you as you'd like lately. Tell him you're a little concerned. She what his response is.

If you don't say anything, and "wait things out", it only gets worse. When we don't communicate about things, bad things happen. Resentment can build up. You get angry perhaps, and he may even get further into the bad habit again.

I know I wish I hadn't wasted so many hours on the internet in the past when I could've been with my H. I took him for granted then. Now I have all the time in the world to waste on the internet because I've lost him, at least for the time being.

So, in short, if I were you, I'd say, calmly rationally, sincerely and from a "you know, this has been on my mind and I just want to be honest with you" sort of standpoint, tell him your concerns. Really, what's the worst thing that can happen if you tell him? (The best thing is that he may cut back on internet time and spend it with you, so it may be worth it to tell him!!)

Take care,

Jen

Make it a point to offer him something better to do. Tell him you "miss him". Tell him...you want to spend a little quality time with him. Find a movie you know he would like to watch. Make dinner reservations. Sit down next to him and discuss what's on auction and if it's something you might also like to try for. And TALK to him! Explain your fears.

Whatever you do...DON'T wait! Waiting only allows the resentment to grow. Nip it in the bud NOW.

Jamup - I would be honest, and express your feelings, with love and attention. Also, maybe you could do a little POJA, after your concern on the internet has been said. POJA with both of you expressing your desires. Also, use kind words like, I would love if..., honey sitting on the couch together would be so much fun....., be loving and attentive to his needs too.

To let this go and not do anything about it is getting yourself and him ready for an extremely powerful battle. The pot is boiling, and soon it is going to erupt. So get it out in the open while it is still simmering, and then let the fire die.

Your husband is on the internet, and is finding an interest there. My husband found an interest on the internet, whicih lead to his sexual affair. Many of us have had that happen to us. Talk to many ministers, preachers, and etc. The WS thinks they have found that wonderful person. The statistics are showing the internet is not a way to find your soul mate.

So connect iwth your husband, and get the conversation going, and let him know that you care, and let both of you express your concerns. Do it now, before it is too late!