I sometimes think I'm having a nervous breakdown. We are still dealing with both A's as well as money problems. H was out of work all last year, luckily I made a GREAT bonus and commission so financially, we were looking good. However, he has now started a new venture, which we felt would be profitable at least by now. It has been 9 months...and we are getting deeper into debt.

I feel the walls caving in. My job is a good job, however much of my salary depends on commissions, so thats a bit stressful not knowing exactly what is coming in from both sides.

H has found a new faith in God, which is great...but I feel that WE need to do something ourselves and not leave it all up to God.

Here are my thoughts. I want to sit down and look at what we HAVE to have each month to make ends meet. IF he still wants to continue this new venture, ok, but......... he must also get another part time job.. WE MUST have income coming in to cover our expenses.

I'm just so upset with both of us for allowing this to happen. I sometimes think this is our punishment for allowing our marriage to get so shaky and for the A's.

Another thought is this..... am I hanging on to a sinking ship??? Should we cut our losses and try to get out of all of this on our own???

I have few friends to talk to about this...they have their own problems...and the ones I do talk to, seems to me they have their own motives.

One of the most important things in a marriage, to me, is security...and I don't feel secure at all with any of this. Any thoughts would be more than appreciated.

really wish someone out there would read this and give me some advice........i feel like i'm being ignored............sigh

I'm not good giving advice about financial matters. Sorry.

I do recognize your anxiety however. Have you generally been an anxious type most of your life, or is this something new for you? Do you consider yourself to be "a worrier"?

Sounds like you need to communicate better as a couple and to POJA a solution that you can both live with and endorse. Sit together and brainstorm ... agree on the definition of the "problem" and work together to find solutions.

If you ARE a life-time worrier (I don't know ... you tell me)... this can make him pull away from problem-solving with you ... because it is exhausting to deal with someone who is constantly worried. "What if ....?" "But what if .... ?"

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

TL,

It's been quiet here over the holidays hasn't it?

I think you're smart to want your H to get a part-time job until the new venture takes off. Especially if things are tight financially. It really isn't too much to ask.

If financial support is big on your list of ENs your H shouldn't be surprised at the request.

I work with people who are on 100% commission; and I admire how they can manage under the stress of it all. Do you currently practice POJA? If not, I wouldn't start out with a discussion as big as this.

My H and I are just beginning to practice POJA, and managed ok coming up with a Christmas budget we could both agree on. SH wanted us to practice at the market taking turns picking out groceries. Just so we could get comfortable working with the rules on non-important stuff.

Let me know how you're doing! With a new year beginning, it's a good time to change the things we want to for the coming year. Blessings, CSue

YES! Sit down and develop a budget!!! Then STICK to it no matter what happens. Money problems add a LOT of stress to any marriage, and with things the way they are right now in the job market...you must err on the safe side.

If getting a part time job will decrease the stress...then do so for the short term, either or both of you. Both of you being committed to finacial security will allow you to support each other when you must say "NO!" to something one of you desires...but don't have to have.

Starting a business...is awesome, but it is the most work you'll ever do. Sometimes, even if the money is coming in, you find that you'll work harder and longer hours then you would by having a regular job on someone else's payroll...and it just isn't worth it. Been there...we've got the T-shirt and the long hours apart to prove it.

As for getting out....I'd need a LOT more information before I could even give an half-@$$ed opinion on that one. You know what is between you and your H, how healthy your marriage is today, compared to yesterday.

Good Luck!

Thanks for the replies. H has always been a good provider yet we have not been good planners. So that needs to change. But now its even harder that the money isnt coming in like it used to.

I do tend to worry about things... but I don't think I'm far off-base with this problem. Worrying won't help, action and a plan WILL help!

I've prayed for wisdom and clarification in all phases of my life... I do feel the vision starting to return! Thanks for the support!