I've had several threads in the Plan A/Plan B area, but want to switch here to get more support.

My H wants to have a face to face with the OM. The A is long over. I have no contact, and had to try to make the meeting happen for the sake of the M. The OM is not going for it. My H has completely shut me out because I can't fulfill his ultamatum. H won't answer my calls or respond to emails. H will not even consider counseling until a meeting with OM.

I feel as though I need to give him his space and let it go for a time. But for how long? He's been gone for 3 weeks now.

Hi LA,

Sounds like your H needs closure in a very upfront and painful way. He doesn't want counseling?

Is it safe for all to meet? You are the one that created this monster and I am sure you are trying to deal with it but how?

Let's see if we can find Trueheart's letter to the Ws (he wrote it to my H last year and it has been very helpful to many WS and BS).

If he doesn't want to talk to you then don't. The WS painfully tell us this when in the fog and the BS play it back after the fog clears. Kinda like a give n' take pain exchange.

There are several WS who are the W here at mb. Let's also see if a few of them ca help you.

You need to be patient with your H. His personal recovery will take longer than your A. Most BS are the givers so we just have to suck up our recovery since most WS are the takers. But in your case it could be on more equal footing but harder to see the forest of recovery for the trees of nit picking faults.

Can you get MC/IC counseling to deal with this? Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

Show him your changes then step back and let him absorb this until he is convinced your are sincere. Yes, we all make mistakes but healing takes time. Better it be not to wound the ones we love but when we do, we should prepare to buckle down for the healing time. It can be a learning experience for all.

Have you read any of the books here? Maybe some of the guys who are the BS can help you understand his healing and how best to help.

Welcome to MB. Your H should realize he is in a better position than most WS around here.

I used to send my Ws some of the threads from here. It was helpful though he would not readily admit it.

take care,
L.

You've tried to arrange a meeting (which personally I think is NOT a good idea)...OM isn't going for it. (I don't blame OM, if I'd been a partner to an affair...I wouldn't want to face the the BS either.)

Give all information to H as to how to contact OM...and let HIM see if he can get a meeting set up. Take yourself OUT of the line of fire!

You can NOT control what your H does or what the OM will do.

If you haven't been completely honest with H about your affair, the timeline, whatever...confess before/during giving him the information he needs to try and contact the OM. JMHO

If I could get him to agree to counseling, I believe we'd be on our way to a lasting and affair free relationship. When everything hit the fan, we talked for hours communicating in a way that we'd never done before. He knows everything (all the details in living color). I believe that we talked about it so much that he grew more angry with each conversation. I'd like to hear from more WS so that I can get a grasp on what's happening to my H and to me.