I was hoping to gain some insight into why my husband watches the TV shows he does, because it is one of those things that I just don't get, one of the chasms between us.

He spends many hours a day watching TV, and the bulk of what he watches are reality dating shows like Blind Date, Shipmates, The 5th Wheel (which involves date swapping), ElimiDate (four competing for the main guy/girl); talk shows like Maury or Jenny Jones featuring confessions of affairs and all the ensuing trauma; Divorce Court with all that usual ugliness and pain; and most disturbing, true crime case study shows which are frequently about WSs who were involved in affairs and murdered the BS.

I have an aversion to these shows. They always remind me of my own trauma and trigger all the usual symptoms. And when I try to put myself in the WS's place, I am even less able to understand my husband's attraction to them. It seems to me that that last thing I'd want to do is remind my spouse of what I did, much less myself!

Anyway, if any of you can shed some light on this, I'd appreciate it.

Hi C

Personally I think all the shows you mentioned are a waste of time. Life is short. Why waste it watching all those crappy shows in which you learn nothing from. Half the people on the talk shows are whacked and those dating shows are crazy too.

I don't understand why he would do that. I would much rather watch a good movie, or how about suggesting you go to the movies, rent a movie or do something outside, like a walk.

All that TV is a waste of time.
Thats my 2 cents and Im a FWS

Zoey

Just a thought, maybe he is seeing himself in what he has done. Could be, he is trying to assess himself, and maybe he just doesn't care, or just enjoys these shows. Which is hard to believe.

I would suggest, turning the TV off with his OK. Maybe you two could read a book together. Have you two thought about reading a story out of the Readers Digest, or something like that that has short stories. Go for a walk, and talk. Hold hands sitting on the couch, and just expressing your dreams of the night before, or your hopes for the future.

If you know of a family that is having hardship, because of an illness, or injury or something. You could say, lets make up a batch of cookies or something, or make a basket of canned goods, and take it over to the Smiths house. Suggest things to do together, and something that is fun, without seeing all the crap that is going on TV. If you want, you two could pop a bag of popcorn, and suggest to him that you rent a movie and eat popcorn.

I personally would ask him what he gets out of these shows. I can't stand to watch them, for the hatred these people show to each other, the betrayal, the lies, all of that. Why watch it on TV, when in real life we have it right here.

But ask him if there is something else he would rather do. Maybe he needs a little encouragement to direct his attention to something that is more productive.

Good Luck.

Thanks for your responses, and I couldn't agree more about those shows and about TV in general. My preference would be to eliminate it from the home altogether, but that is not likely to happen without divine intervention since it is higher on his priority list than his family and always has been. I don't try to change any of these things anymore or even make suggestions for alternate activities to do together because it just causes resentment and hostility. I only work on changing myself and let my husband be.

He considers watching TV together as together time and gets very resentful if I don't do it with him regularly. There would be no point in asking him why he watches these shows because he is not at a point of self-examination, introspection, empathy, insight, any of that, which is why I ask the WS here, since many here have reached a level of personal recovery that they can talk about these things with honesty and openness, and I always appreciate their willingness to describe their thoughts and feelings.

My suspicion is that he watches the dating shows to enjoy the dating vicariously and/or to learn better technique for current or future dating plans, the confession talk shows to feel like he's not alone and that everybody does it and it's no big deal, and I shudder to think what the purpose of watching the murder case shows is.

On the up side, he has played some board games with the kids a few times in the last couple of months while the TV is on, and I introduced him to audio books, so he "reads" now while he's driving and before going to sleep at night, but the only books he's interested in are in the true crime genre. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Oh well.