I originally posted this under another topic, but it was recommended I post here.

In May, 2002, I graduated law school. Two days later, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also told me she hoped we would be able to reconcile. The divorce was final in August, 2002.

Since August, she has began dating another man. She has told me she no longer wants to reconcile because she is happier than she can ever remember.

I admit, I've tried dating, but I really don't think I'm ready. I compare every woman to my ex, and they just don't measure up.

We have a four year old son, who cries when I leave him after my weekends. My ex is somehow surprised by this, despite the fact I was the primary caregiver. The three of us will soon begin counseling in order to help our son adjust.

Although I know it is against the odds, I pray that this could be the start of reconciliation. Should I continue to do this, or should I just "move on?"

I don't know your whole story but it seems like your xW didn't give you a chance after school. Am I right in assuming that your spent many more hours studying etc. than w/ your W? Is that right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She has told me she no longer wants to reconcile because she is happier than she can ever remember.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Technically this is not an A, but it sounds alot like one.

It also sounds like you want to give it another shot. If you have enough in the LB$, I say go for it. I would think of this, not only as a chance for reconciliation, but also a way for you to showcase to your xW how you have improved, assuming you have, and that you can be a great H. That way you wil know that you have done everything.

Maybe I am overly optimistic, but this new relationship of your xWs may not be entirely rooted in reality. Maybe you could talk more about that.

Again all this is written based on one post. So, feel free to correct me if my assumptions are off.

Luki,

You are right; for the last three years of our marriage, I put a lot more time into studying and caring for our son than I did into the marriage.

The problem is she has used the term "love bank" and has said that she has nothing in her love bank for me. I would die for the opportunity to make deposits into it, but I do not know how.

Ironically, I used to have some of Dr. Harley's books, but threw them out in the divorce.

--Tim

<small>[ January 02, 2003, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: timbo_e ]</small>

Just bumping this up, hoping to get more replies.

Sounds like it's time to "re-buy" HNHN and Love Busters. I think that those might be the most appropriate. You could also just read the website. All the principals are covered there as well, but not in as great a detail as the books. Whatever you do, read as much as you can to get yourself up to speed.

Hopefully others will jump in and help you to figure out how to start the process.

One thing is for sure; you have to be strong, confident, and nice to your xW 100% percent of the time. No one is going to come back to someone who is weak, mad etc. Does that make sense? You have to find ways to show her that you are the one for her. That does not mean that you are a doormat, however.

The counseling will be a good way for you to start but the focus must remain on your son. Perhaps you will have some sessions w/ just you and your xW. That will be a prime time to put the cards on the table.

Someone else please jump in here. WAT, RH, Orchid, anyone else? Thanks.

timbo-

If you haven't already done so, use the search engine to look for the subject of R after D on the different forums on this site. There are some pretty interesting discussions on this subject that should be helpful for you.

From what I remember, most experts (including S Harley) recommend that you try for a R up to two years after your D, depending on how YOU feel about the possibilities. I think this reasoning is intended to help the person "move on" from the D by exhausting all lingering doubt as much as it to bring about R. Either way, I say GO FOR IT if you still have feelings. Try starting out by gaining her trust and friendship and go from there. Good luck!

Why not start planning "family outings" ... the 3 of you ... picnic, zoo, skating, amusement park, etc.

Even if your XW does not wish to reconcile the M ... it would be a good thing for your son to spend family time... he's too young to understand any of this.

Ask your XW if she is willing to help your son this way.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />