It's a new year and I need some advise. I am in recovery from my WW's A. Things have been going smoothly, and we are going along fine, except, there is limited SF. Limited is really too nice a term here. Since she returned, D Day was November 2000, we have been intimate less than ten times, and not since August. My question is this. Since see turns me down when I do ask and never initiates anything, or wants to talk about it, do you think it's time to just end this farce ? I do not consider this a marriage anymore. We have had problems before her A, and she always told me it was not me, well you know what... it is me and it still is. I do not want to end my M but do I even have an M ? I have tried not to push and have followed Plan A and POJA, but you know what... I am not getting this need met.It's not like she has a problem with it ( I know that self gratification is what she is using ) She has told me that I am a wonderful husband, but I guess I am not a wonderful mate. I think I must be the biggest idiot in the world and can't for the life of me figure out why either of us stay ( no kids). Would you stay with someone who doesn't seem to have any desire for you , and if not what's wrong with me ?

Mark:
I don't know much of your story so forgive my ignorance on these questions:
Have you done the questionnaires on this website? Has your wife?

What books have either of you read on relationships?

DB

Mark,
It sounds like you are in a stage of making a decision about your future.

I would have to seriously say that I would consider leaving. If you feel that you have done all that you can do, you deserve to be happy and have all of your EN's met.

I stayed married the first time for way too long. In the end, it damaged both of us and our children.

Good luck Mark.

W has always wanted to move forward and will not fill out the questionnaires, Books Relationship Rescue I read she did not.
She has an aversion to Counseling from her teen years, unqualified school counselors . Only, what was the final straw ?

Mark -

Are you making reference to the REO Speedwagon song, "Time For Me To Fly". If not, please listen to it. It might be very fitting to your life right now.

I have been in the same situation as you. It has only been recently that things are better between my W and I. What made it better for my M was my quitting drinking. And even then it took another 6 mos. for SF and we are still working on frequency, etc.

My only suggestion is to tell your W that you are unhappy and tell her bluntly (so there is NO possible misunderstanding) that this might be a marriage killer to you. I would not normally say this here, but you are 2+ years into this...

Might be time for you to fly.

Gib

Your W has always wanted to move forward but will not fill out questionnaires, read books or do counseling??????

So what has she done to "move forward?"

My H didn't want to do counseling "yet", hasn't read books "yet" but we did do the questionnaires and took those very seriously.

If she doesn't want to talk about your problems, I really don't know what advice to give. If you can say you've tried everything to save your M and it isn't working - that's all you really can do. You can't make her do anything.

I would try one last time to talk openly and honestly with her about SF. Give it one last shot.
DB