Seems when I have finnally given up over the past weekend before Christmase . She had called and said she would be home Friday night and we could finish exchanging a few of our personal Items. I told her I had plans. So Saturday morning I get a call from her and she said she would be in town ( with OM I am guessing) If i left it on the front porch she woul pick them up around 9pm
Well I was home with a couple friends over and wasnt paying attn. She pick up her things and left mine. without me knowing( Probably good thing)
So I decided just to have no contact with her at all, But maybe at times send a card in the mail etc.
Well then low and behold, I was working Monday and all of a Sudden I got an Instant message from her on AIM. Well what seems strange is she had blocked me from seeing her online or sending any messages to her for the last 6 weeks. Well we chatted a little. She thanked me for putting her things out so they could be picked up. Then just wanted to chat. After a few min I told her I was heading home, and she asked if I would chat more when I got there.
So I did chat with her a bit, asked about who the girl was at my house etc. Was I serious about her etc.
I didnt give any details. then she wanted to know if it was ok that we be friends and talk, But she wasnt sure what her BF would think about chatting or being friends with her Ex. Then asked me the same. I just said That would be nice.

Now were do I go Seems she is making some type of contact
when we talk what do we talk about?
She made it very clear she wants some type of contact.

She is going to do a few things for me I had asked for a couple months ago.

Still utterly confused but seems like right direction.
We have been chatting online allot so far and things seem to be going well. last night we went shopping and to dinner then some more shopping. I was very very nervous but things went pretty good. While we were eating we chatted about the Relationship and I didnt get much feedback. The OM is out of town, so i think that had something to do with her meeting me. Something that confuses me we had a great time, a couple times it got hurtful for her and I some of the things we taked about etc. She said she doesn’t want to hurt the OM because she is with me.. I didn't know how to respond to that so I said nothing, I made her very aware of my goal in putting our relationship back together, And if we have to start as this way I will accept that. I was chatting with her today a couple times and we made plans for new years eve dinner..

Spent New years Eve with her. Had a good Time Went to Dinner came back to my house played a board game, then we made some CD's on the computer together. We talked allot we had a very heart to heart last night, Just what I was not wanting to happen. It was hard very
hard. She told me that she has some strong feeling for
this guy and then she also said she sees hope for us were only 2 weeks ago she didn't see that at all and wanted nothing to do with me.
I can see how confused she is and That is very
hard on me because as much as I love her I know I
can't change her feeling about him or convince her
with words how I wonderful it can be between us how
everything right now points to that.
New years day We chatted and she canceled her get together with her family and we got together spent the afternoon and night together, I didn’t leave until 5 the next day. She said many times over and over were did all the changes come from and she said that the Sex we had was still the best she ever had and seemed to have gotten better, The Om was going to stop by so I left but I think we are on the right track even though she wants to keep things quite for now.

Need everyone’s thoughts What should I do.

Hope&+,

What happened is a VERY good sign, but at this point it could go either way. It sounds to me like your X is threatened by the female presence at your house and she is starting to have second thoughts. Her spending time and re-opening that door was in defense of loosing you to the other woman.

I would actually step back for a bit and let her come to you. Be as evasive and non-comittal as you can be because the distance will be interpreted by her to be withdrawl from you. Tell her that you love her, and that the door is open, but that you don't want to have to share her with someone else.

If she WANTS this, she will continue to come your way. It will happen if this is done correctly.

Start thinking about what YOU want from this. Are your goals just to have her back and continue the R from where you left off, or are you willing to committ? What were the reasons that YOU feel contributed to the break up. Start looking at this and see what can be changed to improve the BOND between you two.

A really great book on how to deal with this exact situation is: How to Get Your Lover Back
by Blaise Harris. I think that reading it will help you to understand the dynamics of the situation MUCH better.

HaP-

Sounds as though you are heading in the right direction...keep up Plan A behavior. Move cautiously, as it appears that OM being away has allowed her time to be with YOU!

I'm not so certain that approaching relational stuff at this time is a good thing, just let things go on a day to day basis. If it makes her feal uncomfortable then back off...it's not Plan A material. Make her feel like it was the first few weeks you were together. Make her heart skip a beat, feel like summer breeze whisking through her soul, bring the newness back!!!

Go slow, be methodical...loving, caring, kind and generous!

Keep up the good work!

In Christ's Name!
<><

HP,
Just be careful not to become the OP. Not knowing your story, it sounds like she is having the best of both worlds. I agree with continuing Plan A if that is what you are in with a deadline. You deserve to have her make a decision and stick to it. It's going to hurt worse if she gets you in the place she wants you and then goes back to telling you that it's not going to work.

Proceed with caution.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=021461;p=1

Here is the basic story..

Well I am blue again but still not giving up.. The Om is back and things are backsliding a bit. We had along chat today it started on Im over the net then she Called. She is confused she said doesn't know what she wants. She did say sevral times two weeks ago she seen no Hope at all between us NONE.
She knows what my goal is with her and that I love her, She said she has hope but she isn't there yet,
That there is alot of hurt and she is trying not to bring that up when we chat. She said she has the door open and hasnt shut it.
She knows that I went out on a date and said that she couldn't continue to chat or be friends at this point knowing I was still dating anyone. That it would be to hard on her. She is the one that kept telling me to date that I might meet someone else. So I tried and found out that I don't want to date anyone right now. I gave myself a time line to see where things are going over the next several months .
Tonight she called and wanted me to watch her dog while she goes out with OM. She told him she was droping off her dog here and would be late meeting him. She told me his commet as she was leaving and I think she was offended by it. I didnt say anything about it. It seems he is very uncomfortable and insecure with her stopping here.

Am I headed for a big hurt or whats everyones thoughts.. Any point of view would be helpfll

Hope everyone is doing well my thoughts are with you all

<small>[ February 22, 2003, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Hopfullandpositive ]</small>