Thank you for replying. There is so much to this that it would take a loooong time to tell you about it all. We separated several years ago because he was not happy. During that time, I suspected someone else but he always denied it and had some good story that made sense to explain everything. We also went to counseling because he wanted ME to change so he would be happy. OF course, I felt that he needed to do some changing himself but it always came back to me. Do not get me wrong, I defintely have short comings and will always be a "work in progress" but I did not appreciate the fact that he felt he did not. I did do some changing but not all that he wanted. Some of it he could/would not see. Eventually I was the only one who was going. The therapist told me that sometimes helping one person can get the other to make changes as well. Finally I quit going as it seemed that nothing was working. I thought that I was trying but it seemed that the harder I worked at it the worse our relationship became. As I stated in the previous post, it was like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Sometimes I would do something and he was happy and when I did the same thing at another time he would be furious with me. So I never knew how he was going to be from one time to the next. He was driving me nuts as well as our children who were in high school and college. He would vacillate between begging me to stay with him because he loved me so much to "I cannot do this anymore, we need to end it".
Finally in November of 2001, I placed a deposit on a duplex and planned to move out the week before Thanksgiving. He is the man with the money and I could no longer live in our house and pay the bills as my salary is nothing like his. I told him earlier that I was planning to move. He seemed fine with it. Then he was supposed to go out of town and I reminded him that I was moving out. He acted like I never told him. I guess he did not believe I would really do that. He asked if that is what I really wanted and I told him not really but we were not solving anything and going no where and I was exhausted. He said ok and we hung up. A few minutes later he calls me and says that he really wanted to come home and give it another try. He reassured me that he really wanted us to be together.
I will pause at this time to say that the red flags were flying as I had been suspicious for sometime but refused to act on my "gut" I told him that if there was someone else, have the guts to tell me and that would be that. Everytime I brought it up, he would emphatically deny there was any one else. But, for the year before that Thanksgiving he began to treat me differently. He became very indifferent and did not really try and show any affection which he had done before. I asked why as this was totally out of character and he told me he did not know why but he did not feel attracted to me any longer. That made me make up my mind that it was over.
Getting back to my story, He moved back in but did not move his clothes back which he would tell me he just had not had time to do this. (His parents passed away and he was living in their house). So he was not in a rush. Eventually he did move them in March! THings were not adding up and he still acted really different. He eventually gave me the line of it is not working and we tried but it is not working. So again, I found a place to move. THis time I did not tell him anything.
Went to an attorney and told what had been going on. She asked if he was seeing anyone and I said he denies it. She told me to double check as that sounded that way to her. He was going on an overnight trip...so I did.
Lo and behold I was not prepared to find what I found. Pictures...notes....cards....I went into total shock. There is more but I will not tell more at this time as this post is lengthy already.
I could not sleep. When he got home, I did not say anything as I wanted to check his car. Sure enough there was more in the trunk. I was livid.
Then on a Sunday morning I went to the grocery store and checked his cell. He had received a call and called her back. When I got home I came undone. He kept denying it and saying I was psycotic. Finally I got his cell phone and punched in h is number and when her voice mail answered I asked him if he would like to leave a message..... He STILL denied it. Finally when I pulled out his "fun" pack (that is what I called it) he got mad. Said he shouldnot have done it and it was wrong. He never said he was sorry and it would never happen again...
THis all happened at the end of April 2002. He still will not talk to me about it. We have not resolved our issues and I want us to. He swears that he does not love anyone but me and there is no one else but I do not believe him. I would love to see his cell bill but it is sent to his office and I cannot find a way to see it. I still check his phone but it would be so easy to erase. I would also like to see his email at work.
I am very suspicious especially since he got a card from one of them at Christmas. I opened it and she signed it "Love,". I never gave it to him but I do still have it.
I know all of this sounds crazy but I want the man I married back. Maybe I am crazy.....
So that is what I want to know...of the literature the the Marriage Builders offers, which should I get first to help me. I used to always put him first but I now realize that was a mistake. So any help would be benificial to me.
THank <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> you again for being so patient and letting be vent but I am so frustrated and hope I am doing the right thing and not telling him to get out and not let the screen door hit his behind!!
Hangin'In There <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Sad Sadie
