I know you will all be shocked to hear this.

Im not sure where to start. I have had a few rough weeks with my H. His anger still brews after 3 years, not as bad as before but nevertheless it still brews inside him for the EA I had.

I made a COMPLETE recovery in my 3 years. When I say that, I mean I changed who I am and have become a wonderful person, who learned many lessons and Im strong now to face whatever comes my way. I made a mistake but for 3 solid years I have done nothing but been the MODEL wife and friend to my H that has still had issues to deal with regarding the EA I had. I have stood by him through all of it, tried to understand, validated his feelings, let him scream, cry do whatever it took but I have reached a point in the road now will I will not allow another day to be ruined in my life by his behavior and failure to heal properly.

I have given this man NOTHING to question for 3 solid years. I have kept EVERY single promise that I made since DDay. I have gone above and beyond what the normal WS's here do for their H's and he has continued to use the EA against me whenever the need suits him. Im tired of walking on eggshells. I was happy he wanted to go to Anger Management and MC. I have tried and tried as anyone here knows me, knows, I have tried and done the very best I can.

Im a loving, good and worthy person. Im not who I was 3 years ago when I had an EA with another man which basically was me crying to the OM about my H and being invisable to him. I was crazy in love with my H and he didn't know I was alive most of the time, or he did but forgot. He didn't abuse me or anything. He was very nice and always there but he didn't help when I asked for help. He didn't listen when I asked him to listen and he minimized everything I said. He has been using my EA of three years ago against me as a crutch. Whenever he is upset, its the EA, when he is angry, Its the EA.

Im sick of this. We made agreements and he fails to meet them, why? Well I have no right to expect him to keep the agreements when I WAS THE ONE THAT CHEATED. I SHOULD BE LUCKY TO STILL BE AT HOME WITH HIM.

NO my friends, HE IS DAMM LUCKY TO HAVE A WIFE LIKE ME THAT HAS DONE THE BEST SHE COULD DO TO SAVE THIS MARRIAGE AND REDEEM MYSELF.

I refuse to be controlled by my past actions which I have FULLY redeemed myself for.

He is currently out of state. Due home Sunday. We have an agreement to speak once a day, to touch base and such. He is hanging out with a brother who drinks like a fish, to get his brothers approval, he does the same thing. They have another brother who is the opposite. So when he hangs with the drinker, he feels no obligation to call me and check on things, because he is out being a "MAN" with his brother. Which is TOTALLY unlike Zach. He does not act that way when he is home, only when he is with this brother. He has now on three occasions blown me off to go out drinking with his brother. Mind you, Zach doesn't drink but only with this brother of his. This brother is also in a horrible marriage with a LOW opinion of women.

I have talked with him about this. I have talked with him about calling home in a pissy mood and taking things out on me. It goes no where. I hear one apology after another after he has already reminded me of what I did to him 10 times in one conversation.

It happened again last night. Im blown off for a night of drinking with his brother. He forgets at those moments he has the responsibility of a wife back home and other things. If I try to talk to him calmly about it, no accusation, just talk, he gets defensive and says that I have NO ROOM TO SPEAK. After what I did, Im lucky to be home. So the whole conversation is diverted to my actions 3 years ago. His younger brother is extremely concerned and calls my house worried sick. He can't help them. They are grown men and if they choose to act like this, they can choose to deal with the concequences.

He calls, crying and upset, saying sorry 100 times after reminding me that what I did to him is driving him to do this. So its my fault he gets drunk with his brother. No way jose friends. Im not taking the fall for that one. My EA was 3 years ago.

Ive been the MODEL wife and friend as I said. So his reward for throwing this in my face for the final time is that he has just lost his wife. Im finished with this.

I hope he gets the help he needs for his anger.
I hope he still goes to counseling.
I hope that he has a nice life. I intend to have one.

Im okay with this. I love him more than anything in the world but I don't like him and I don't want to spend my life being reminded every so often what I did. Im sick of him using this on me as a weapon. Its emotionally abusive.

What he does not know is since I was blown off for the last time. I have left. I have packed my few things I wanted, taken our pet, and I have left. Im in a great place for now until I head out to stay with a friend.

He will not know where I am. Not be able to reach me and he can come home Sunday and be surprised that this was the straw that broke the camels back.

He has been gone almost a month. I was with him one week of that month. I have stood by while he spends time with his family and all before he goes back to work and won't see them for a long time but Im his family too and he has suddenly failed to see that.

A family member of his pulled him aside and told him he needed to go back home. He had been visiting long enough and he better get back home and take care of his wife and get ready for work. THEY even noticed it. They said that they have enjoyed him being there but he really needs to take care of his responsibilites since he is acting like he has none. His response to that family member was telling them what I did. Mind you only ONE person in that family knows. His brother, the youngest who will go to his grave with a secret, he is that trusting. Zach felt the need to gain sympathy from everyone by telling them what I did to him 3 years ago. Its no one's business. That was the worst move he could have made.

They were shocked. I just spent a week and Christmas with them all. Now its all out in the open for the small town to have a field day with.

Zach has ruined this marriage and he is to blame for it. Whatever I did, I made up for it and redeemed myself. He has destroyed any chance of this working. He had NO right to do that to US.

But Im okay. Im stronger and prepared for life. I have all the tools I need for a good life. I will always love him but he went to far this time.

I will not be with someone that lives to remind me of the A. Now he and his memories of the EA can be together forever.

I loved him the best I could. I did the best recovery I could. Several of his family members this morning are in shock that he would say anything about MY personal business as a way to gain sympathy. He did that to hurt me. He did that because HE HAS TO BE IN CONTROL.

Well that is fine. He has it all now but the one thing he does not have that he will be missing so badly is me. But he should of thought of that before he pulled this stunt.

To tell you the truth. I feel liberated! I feel free from always wondering when he will bring it up again, always wondering when he will get mad at me again or when he is in a mood, thinking "Lord what did I do now"

He never thought I would leave but he is in for a RUDE suprise!

I have a note all laid out for him back at the house.

I hope this is a lesson for him. The best part of life just passed him by.

I hope he finds someone NEW and FRESH that he can be with that has not shattered him like I did. Maybe then he can be happy but in my heart I know he will miss me. He knows Im a good person and he knows I changed but he rather be angry and hold me accountable forever.

Not anymore!

Thanks MB. Im moving on and won't be coming back. No need to and I don't have any advice for anyone else and am not in the position to help anyone right now. Im sorry.

His family members and younger brother begged me not to do this. I told them "He is ALL yours!"

I kept my word. I didn't quit. He quit! I did all I could and paid my dues. A person can only take so much but I walk away knowing in my heart I did EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY COULD AND THENSOME!

It was not a total loss. I became a wonderful person better than I ever imagined. I love myself and Im closer to God more than ever. I not only love myself I really like who I am. I know that I will be good for someone someday but for now, Im happy being with ME! That is beauty of recovery. I recovered myself! I sad and heartbroken for Zach but I can do no more than I have already done. This will be the hardest lesson Zach ever gets in life. It has really cost him, and I hope it was worth it. I hope he and the memories of the EA keep him company. Im done thinking about the past! Been done for awhile now.

I wish you all the best
Zoey~

<small>[ January 04, 2003, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: Zoey ]</small>

Zoey,

I wish you to best, I know how hard you tried to make for your mistake 3 years ago. I'm in the same boat as you. I had an EA 5 years ago, and tried my damnest to show my H what an awful mistake I had made. My H left me in July for an OW, he told me he never got over my EA. Truely I think my H is having a revenge affair, he was angry with me but did not show it or tell me.

I had thought at the time after his d-day that we worked things thru and that he could trust me again. He alway's said he could never cheat on me and he was so hurt by what I did. I really tried fixing it, and thought we were coming back after 5 years. Then he suddenly met someone else and left me and my kids after meeting OW after only a few weeks. My H threw away a 9 1/2 year marriage for her. H's family is upset with him and told him to go home and work it out, but he can't break away. I've very lucky to have support from his family. H has turned his back on his family because they won't except OW, so now he has picked her family to spend the holidays with.

I'm in a funny situation where now, my H is contacting me again and attempting to be friendly.

Perhaps when your H discovers that you have moved on he will realize what he has lost. This could be his wakeup call. At least your H did not have a revenge affair to get back at you for the hurt he felt.

I have never felt so much pain in my life and it is what I deserve, perhaps this is the same pain my H felt but kept it inside. I feel horriable about what I did not him, and I hope one day he will feel the same.

Best of luck to you and I hope your H realizes is lose..

Usavings

usavings, you absolutely do NOT deserve this, his affair has nothing to do with what you did, it is about HIM. And even worse, now that your marriage has experienced an affair (yours) it is even more despicable he did this, cause he should have learned how to make a successful marriage (or leave if he did not want too). Please do not think you have anything to do with this. If you have done all you can do for last 5 years, and have nothing to work on, then you must really ask yourself why make it work. Dr Harley has said in his literature that if a spouse was doing all they could, and the other spouse leaves them by way of affair, there is nothing to save (no reeason to plan a)you leave the marriage or accept that your ws will continue to not protect you...and make peace with that kind of life.

LurkingAbout,

The hardest thing was when he left, the day before he kissed my good bye before band practice. He would go every Friday night for practice then spend the night at his sister's before returning the next morning. It was the next morning when he returned he said "We need to talk, I've met someone else and I have doubts about us". He then grabbed some clothes and left to live with his parents. That only lasted a few weeks they kicked him out when he lied to them that he had things to think about and OW was showing up.

Over the 5 years since I thought we were getting our marriage back, then this happened. He said that he was not looking for anyone, she met his emotional needs that were missing. How could I met those needs if he would not tell me he was unhappy. He really put on a show, like everything was fine.

I really do need to move on with my life, but he keeps popping into it with email, phone conversations, visits. I'm not sure what he is doing, he moved to his hometown in another State and has been there since July. We have had more contact over the past month in a half. Still he filed for D on Halloween and it will be final at end of this month.

My IC say's I need to look at the reality picture, he is gone. I need to focus on that, instead of letting him play games with me head.

Dear Zoey

Some of your writings have truly helped me, and I read your recent post about your recovery and it gave me such hope. I am sorry that your H has let you down so badly. You are right, you do not deserve the way he treats you - you deserve respect and love and compassion for the way you have turned yourself and your life around.

I know it is selfish to ask, but please don't go away completely, or please come back if you feel you need a break, because you have given so many of us FWS hope and inspiration. I'm sure you have done that too for many BSs. If you don't come back I understand, but I would miss your words.

Wishing you the very best of everything in your life Zoey.

Lisa

Zoey I second Lisa's hope that you will continue to give your thoughts and insights to the boards because they have been and are very valuable.

Keep in mind that actions based on emotional decisions almost always come back to bite us on our behinds, so I would advise you let a few days pass before you make a life changing decision. It would be tragic if you later on realized you made a terrible mistake and it was too late to change it.

Peace be with you Zoey.

Zoey,

I too have followed your posts, and thanks for the help you've been to me.

I too would second Coffeeman's advice/thoughts about slowing down perhaps-- as sometimes our emotionally based decisions can hurt us more in the long run. However, I 'm sure this is a rather long time coming, isn't it?

I do really empathasize with how you're feeling now. IT's tough to feel like the rest of our life and how someone treats us is based on a huge mistake of our past, isn't it? To forgive means to put it behind, too, doesn't it, in a way?

Please keep posting, you've been a huge help for me.

Take care,
H_P

I'm sorry I haven't kept up with all your posts, Zoey, so please forgive me if I'm saying stuff based on what's already been said before. I'll plead ignorance.

First, today I'll play the role of devil's advocate... Let me ask a couple of questions:

1. Does your H know - really, really know - about how you are / have been feeling? Have you communicated it clearly? You say you've given him 3 years - 3 years of what? A real chance, or have you two had communication problems during that time that could be worked on? This is posed from the position of someone (a BS) who didn't "have a chance" - a decision was just delivered - and my WW felt perfectly justified, like she'd given me all the time in the world to "change" - yet never once told me she was thinking the way she was. It's pretty hard to live up to expectations set by others who don't tell you about them, and even seem outwardly happy (or at very least satisfied)!!

2. Is any of your thinking affected by the illusions created by your long-ended A? I.e., that someone else should MAKE you happy? Hopefully not... I'd hate to think that you leave your M, only to end up no happier, since the surest source of happiness isn't something you can demand from someone else.

Furthermore, as an example of what I mean about approaching the subject of an abusive ex-BS, there's an article here on MB in the Q&A where Dr.H gives some EXCELLENT advice, I think. His suggested wording is, IMO, *perfect*...

"What she describes to me in her letter is abuse, pure and simple. There is no excuse for the way her husband keeps bringing up her moment of weakness she experienced years ago. He is disrespectful and abusive.

I suggest that she look him right in the eye and say to him, "Listen Buster, do you love me? Do you want me to love you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? If the answers to any of those questions is 'yes' you sure are going about it the wrong way. You are not doing things that I admire, you're doing things that I find disgusting!"

What if he says, "Fine, then lets just get a divorce and end it all."

To that I would say, "It's up to you. I married you for life, but if you want a divorce, it's your call. If you want to be in a love relationship with me, however, you're going to have to treat me much better than you have been treating me. You must never again bring up my affair, and if you are upset with me, you will have to treat me with respect until we can solve the problem. If you are upset with our sexual relationship, I want us to discuss it as adults and solve it with mutual respect. I refuse to be treated like this, especially by the man I love."

Just some food for thought... I'm not out to pass judgement - you know what's right in your own heart, and if you've really reached the end of your rope - then that's the way it is!

<small>[ January 04, 2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

Zoey,

You are making the fundamental mistake here that I think all WSs make: you fully expected that once you were done with your affair and finally decided to clean up your act, your spouse would still be there waiting for you.

You don't seem to realize that the man you married no longer exists. Your affair destroyed that man and you will never meet him again. But you are going to be angry at HIM for not being there when you decided you wanted him again?

Surely you've read posts here long enough to realize how much pain a betrayed spouse goes through and how an affair -- including a non-sexual one -- changes them forever. Well, what did you think that meant? That they'd be more careful and attentive to you in the future so you wouldn't stray again, and that your marriage would be "better than ever?"

No, Zoey, your husband has been damaged and destroyed and changed forever by your cheating on him. It sometimes happens that even the very best efforts on your part cannot rebuild what you destroyed. It sometimes happens that a betrayed spouse can never trust you again, can never forgive you for what you freely chose to do to them. It sometimes happens that the knowledge that a trusted, beloved spouse could happily and repeatedly lie just to be with someone else
destroys that trust so thoroughly and completely that you will never, ever get it back.

We keep saying there's nothing worse than being betrayed by the person you loved most in the world. Your husband knows what this feels like. He lives with the knowledge every day that you are fully capable of doing this to him, because you DID do it to him. Clearly he is one of the many who will never be able to move past it no matter what you do now.

I hope that anyone contemplating an affair reads your post. Maybe it will dawn on them that they will be heaping more pain and humilation on their spouses than most human beings can ever hope to tolerate. Maybe it will show them the loss of a spouse is the risk you take once you decide to cheat -- and that it CAN happen to you.

You gambled with your marriage, Zoey, and you lost. You have no one to be angry and indignant with except yourself.

Zoey --

I appreciate your post very much. My H had a PA and broke my arm during it, but the devastation really was from appreciating that he was having an EA.

I wish that I had told his family and the woman's H about the EA when I appreciated just how serious it was, but my H didn't want me to and I tried to respect that because he told me I was too controlling. Maybe your H told his family because that's what he needed to do for himself, and it would help him to heal.

I am with psycho-b, though, on the fact that not all BSs can get over it. You've given it a lot of time, but the pain is still there. I told my H this morning that something is broken, and previously I have told him that something is dead. This OW is trying to reach him -- I'm concerned, to a point -- but I told him I'm not sure it really matters.

Reading your thoughts helped me to appreciate what my H feels, and I appreciate that. I don't want to spend my life making him miserable. If I can't get over it, then we need to divorce. I told our MC that I am open to reconciliation but not committed. I realize from what you led that I need to deal with this pain in a way that does not involve him. He has a lot of pain as well. Thank you.

Psycho B
I find your words hillarious. You have NO IDEA what I have done in recovery for 3 years. Having an EA does not mean I am sentenced to death. He gave me a chance, I redeemed myself long and hard and was punished severely for it. Im not living with a bitter BS anymore. He can waste his life in a big pity party. I won't, did that long enough.

I didn't lose my marriage. I fought hard for it and became the best person I can be. ZACH LOST ME AND THE MARRIAGE because of his verbal abuse for 3 solid years. You should read up a bit on me before you make such a harsh judgement.

I have supported you here the entire time. You are a bitter BS too and you STILL stay with your H but complain constantly. If you are so unhappy, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Don't point the anger you feel with your situation my way. You have NO IDEA what I have done to save my marriage. I didn't expect easy street. I expected a chance, which I got and my recovery in some sense scares him. He was so sure I would fail well guess what...

I didn't fail. I recovered. Im 10 times better today than I was 3 years ago. I won't live in the shadow of my mistake. I paid for it and Im moving on.

He is the one that lost here. I guarentee you that!

Zoey

I am in the same boat, but stupid me the guy called me I cheated on my husband with and I hung up on him once and then he called back and I met him for 15 minutes at a convenient store. He lives away and I never got to tell him to his face to leave me alone, but my husband says it does not matter I talked to him and I lost my husband because of that choice. My husband was seeing his OW since June of last year and as far as I know up until November. He said it I didn't talk to the guy he wouldn't have left. I had my A with him a 1 1/2 ago and talked to him again in February and now Dec 16th. My husband left Christmas night never to stay home again. He left his chrildren too to go live with her. He said he met her out of comfort for what I did. He couldn't stop hurting me by saying what I did. I don't know what to believe anymore, but today I am having a really hard time dealing with it all. He is having his fun and doesn't even care about his kids or anything. I think I am going to be locked away real soon from severe depression. I am scared.

<<<I didn't fail. I recovered. Im 10 times better today than I was 3 years ago. I won't live in the shadow of my mistake. I paid for it and Im moving on.>>>

Everyone is happy that you have recovered. It's too bad your husband could not. You seem to think he's deliberately refusing to recover in order to keep punishing you. Do you still think it couldn't have really hurt him that much and he's just doing this on purpose? I'm not sure you've really learned much of anything here.

Did you think there was a guarantee on this? Did you think that since you did your best to recover and fix things, you were entitled to have your marriage and your husband back the way they were? Do you think you're justified in being angry and indignant now that that didn't happen, like a child who broke its own toys and is angry now that they're gone?

My point was, this is the risk people take when they decide to cheat. You took that risk, and you lost. This is why cheating is a bad thing. It permanently destroys marriages and people. You have no right to be angry and indignant at your husband for not being able to heal from what you chose to do to him.

Yes, Zoey, it really DOES hurt that much.

There are no guarantees when it comes to cheating. Just because you bend over backwards to fix things once you finally decide what you want does NOT mean they're going to be there waiting for you. If you set fire to your own house and drive away, you have no right to complain when you finally do come home and find that it's burned to the ground.

<<<He is the one that lost here. I guarentee you that!>>>

On this, I completely agree with you.

Psycho B

Zach is not gone. My marriage is not gone. Its still there if I want it.

Im gone because I won't live in the past. Zach WANTED this marriage and wanted me and I would just have to take what dished out for however long.

That is not healthy for anyone!

JR: Thanks
I see where you are coming from but Zach more than knows how I feel. Ive communicated till I was blue in the face. We also made agreements, none of which he keeps, because if he breaks them, he blames them on my EA. I don't break them.

As for illusions. I have none. Trust me. I just want to life my life the best I know how with all I have learned. I don't want to live in the past anymore. Its a painful place and it took me awhile to get past it. Zach is just using my EA as his crutch for anything that goes wrong in his life. The problem can clearly be with someone else but I take the punches because I had the EA.

Sorry,
I am very tired. Have not slept in 24 hours.
Zoey

Zoey,
I am writing in support of your decision. It sounds as if you gave it your all. Thus, there should be no guilt. Try to get some sleep and continue to care for you the best you can. It also helps on occassion to take a break from the boards. I had to do this a while back. Good luck to you and much happiness. tew

Zoey,

I don't know if I support your decision, but I will offer you any support I can. It may be that you have made the right decision. I can see where Psycho-B is coming from, but what is missed is that we all have decisions to make.

You made a bad one, then you made a series of good ones. Your H had decisions to make starting with "do I take her back?" He decided yes he would, and then he failed to properly act on his decision.

He cannot not sure your EA to justify his actions or lack there of.

I would recommend you get some sleep. Perhaps Monday come back here and let's talk about things. I foresee that this isn't the final chapter, but we are clearly to the conclusion and your H is going to have some more decisions to make, IF you will allow him to.

We'll talk on Monday, OK?

God Bless,

JL

Zoey,

I am sorry to hear this turn of events. You have great integrity and strength. If you need a break it is understandable but do not underestimate what you have to offer people. You have helped so many not because of an EA you had, or your personal recovery, or even your husband's inability to heal but because you are an articulate, intelligent, caring, kind person. These qualities shine through it what you say to people.

This board is about marriages, yes. But it is also about individuals hoping to better themselves in order to better their partnerships in life. You are an individual who has accomplished that...you are a better wife, a stronger person. It is your husband who has not done the work necessary to renew this marriage.

I do hope that he will have an epiphany for his own sake. And I hope in time if it is positive for you that you will return. If not I am glad that I knew you through your posts.

My support in these difficult times is with you.

ayslyne

Zoey - seems you were a considerate WS, and did put your husband back into your heart, and treated him with respect. I give you great amount of credit for your part. Your husband sounds like he is crying too much.

I have a wayward spouse and he was not remorseful and showing actions of putting me first in his life, after the affair (his was sexual). His actions, ballistic attitude, caused him to tear my rotator cuff, and I had to have surgery, from his actions. One thing that he won't accept, is accountability for his injury to me, totally on his behalf. He states, if you had done this or that. So I was at fault, for his injurying me. I made his hand come out and pull and tug me, and spit in my face.

Zoey, some people won't give up on blaming. I have given myself total forgiveness to my husband on his affair. He committed sin, committed adultery, has rejected me and my kids, has been unkind to his mother. Inside of him is a man I love. The man that I gave my body to, soul to, and mind to. I admired him for many things, and still do. As far as his attitude, I am not happy with his attitude and actions. He was wrong in his affair, and was used, I do feel sorry for him, but he is 100% accountable for his affair. Not me.

The communication is not there. Maybe you two needed to express your shortcomings to each other in a kind, sensitive manner? That is one thing that my husband and I don't do. There is so much pain, and the words come out with anger.

Your husband, is hurting, I am the wayward spouse, and what my husband did, destroyed me, our family, our business, his mother, his brother. Your husband, hurts from a pain you will never experience, at least with him. This pain, tears your heart to threads, and leaves little tennacles hanging, to get caught in your heart trying to piece itself together. PAIN!

Just a thought, would it of been possible to leave the note stating, that you will be away for 5 weeks or so, and state your concerns. State that the affair is over, done with. Place your remorse and guilt out on paper, so he can reread it over and over. Place your love in the letter, and state that you wish the marriage could be saved. But under the circumstances, state you can't take it anymore.

Express, what you would of liked to see happen. To get the trust back. That is the one utmost important factor that is hard to get back. TRUST!!! We BS, trusted our spouses, and gave them all of us. To get the trust back, there needs to be patience, rules, a plan. What if the two of you did in increments, of weekly plans? Stating, I wouldn't mind having you put your arm around me while we sit and watch TV. I wouldn't mind rubbing your feet while we watch TV. I wouldn't mind working in the garage with you, while you are working on the old Chevy. Things like that. He could turn around and say, I wouldn't mind folding the clothes in the dryer for you. I wouldn't mind vacuuming the living room for you. You see what I mean.

Then the next week, you both could express things that you could do, and eventually the intimacy would come back, and the trust.

You sound like you made your husband promises out of your heart. Made a turnover in yourself. I hate to see another marriage destroyed by an affair. But there are those that get destroyed, and many that do get SAVED. If both partners are willing, 100%.

In my case, my husband wasn't willing, 100%. He could not tell the Harleys he was willing 100%. Therefore, it is failed, and we are divorcing. This is what my husband wants, and he is getting what he wants. But the divorce is not going his way. Which he tells me quite often.

Zoey, I think you should get away, and be by yourself. Maybe you could call him, and express your concern. The alcohol thing is just something he is doing, cause he is scared. Call him from a cell phone.

I am thinking of doing what you are doing. I am sick and tired of being told what I am doing wrong. Of spending money on lawyers, when my husband is the one that procrastinated. So I am making my plans to get away for awhile. To get away and be by myself. My WS is by himself in his hovel, doesn't have to yell at the kids to clean up, do this or that. He lives in a condition that suits him fine. I am trying to feed 5 people on one child support money. Today I fed 8 people, girls boyfriends, and my husband came and ate too.
My counselor and I had a good talk Friday, and she said start being selfish, work on you, totally you, and do nothing for anyone else. I am using up what meat I have in the freezer, and food in cans. Not going to buy hardly anything else. She said go on strike, and leave for awhile. Let them see what it will be like when you are gone, the animals start dying, cause no one else will take care of them like I do, let them see, the laundry get piled, house dirty, and all. I said, yes. I will and today, I am very strong in this opinion. I don't want them knowing where I am at either. Am looking into places to rent on a weekly basis. Just want to do for me, and only me. No one else. Sleep till noon if I want, do whatever I want when I want.

Good for you Zoey, but you could still say you care, and talk to him on the phone. This may start something for you two. Just sort of blundering with words here, but I feel for you. And for your husband. He is still angry, and he has to let it go. I am, doing better, not quite all there yet, but I am much better.