...I know our marriage was wrong in the beginning, but becuz we had already hurt so many people and grieved the heart of God, we wanted to make it right..but it's never "felt" right.

This morning he voiced what I had already been feeling for the past 2 years. That he doesn't really care about me and he's just not "feeling" our marriage. Of course he says it's becuz of my recent change in attitude that he feels this way and I admit i have been bold, disrespectful and just plain "ugly" to him. I think it's becuz i'm just so tired of trying to make him happy and not feeling appreciated or admired but my "trying" is met by ungratefulness and criticism so why try? I'm tired of feeling walked on and taken advantage of and I hate that I'm being like that to him but i must admit that walls have come up.

It's really sad. I said something the other day jokingly (well half jokingly) and immediately felt remorseful but when I went to ask for forgiveness he said "don't bother becuz nothing I can say or do will make him forgive me" When he said this and what he said this morning, I was saddened but not surprised, but it made me think. I mean really think. My H and I "say" we're christians and we teach Sunday School and hold Bible Studies and put on the "mask" but it made me think, that if we're christians why are we acting like this? I mean if we've really "experienced" Jesus like we say we have, wouldn't that mean as christians we love like God loves regardless of what we do or how we act, wouldn't that mean when someone asks for forgiveness we forgive them? So I wonder...

and I'm humbled and i'm sooo thankful to worship a God who no matter how badly I screw up doesn't say it's too late i can never forgive you and doesn't say.. "sorry, you've been really disrespectful and mean to me so i'm just really not caring about you right now"

I'm at work right now and I tell you everything in me doesn't want to go home and doesn't want to be nice to my husband but i've realized now that it's not about my husband anymore.. it's about me and my relationship with Christ. The most important thing to me is one day seeing my Savior's face and although I don't "feel" like loving my husband i know that what he said this morning presents a wonderful opportunity for Christ to show me how to love like He loves. and what the devil meant for evil, God can turn it around for good. Becuz no matter how this ends, No one, not my husband, not even myself can take away my relationship with God. He will still be a loving, pursuing God. 4 things i'm sure of:
1. I love God with all my heart
2. I trust Him with my life.
3. He loves me and nothing I can do can change that.
4. He is Good and wants the best for me.
And even if the first two waver or become shaky the last two will remain forever. That gives me hope and for that I'm so thankful.
So to prevent another woman or women, The future for me holds lots of implenting of Plan A combined with spiritual guidance.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I will do the same for you all. Thanks

Hi
I had been reading my Bible in Mark last week and recognized your name from there. So I went back and read some of your previous posts. Did your H ever agree to go to a counselor? What about one of the staff pastors at your church? I'm sure they counsel (and at the very least pray with) people with problems.

It sounds like you've really been through it. Your attitude toward past women in your H's life is commendable...but be careful that it doesn't put you in a doormat mentality. You can be submissive and supportive without giving up your own identity in Christ or endangering your relationship with your H or with God.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">? I mean if we've really "experienced" Jesus like we say we have, wouldn't that mean as christians we love like God loves regardless of what we do or how we act, wouldn't that mean when someone asks for forgiveness we forgive them? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christ's love is unconditional. Man's love is not. {This also ties in to "His Needs, Her Needs" by Harley in a way. My need may be for one thing but my H's need may be for something else. So his love is conditional somewhat upon his need being filled, and my love is somewhat conditional upon my need being filled.} We can (and should) try to love like Christ but since we are human (fallen man) we can't always do it. Also, forgiveness is what the Bible teaches, but again, human nature and our own will come into play, and it is possible our own humanity will win out in certain situations.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'm sooo thankful to worship a God who no matter how badly I screw up doesn't say it's too late i can never forgive you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen! We all are thankful for unconditional acceptance!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">4 things i'm sure of:
1. I love God with all my heart
2. I trust Him with my life.
3. He loves me and nothing I can do can change that.
4. He is Good and wants the best for me.
And even if the first two waver or become shaky the last two will remain forever. That gives me hope and for that I'm so thankful.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talitha,
No matter what, those four things are the bottom line. You can hold them in your heart and know that He is in control. I have also been holding those things in my heart and sometimes only the knowledge of them are what gets me through the day. I want you to know I'll be praying for you this week; I think things may be getting tougher for you. Is there a good friend you can trust, preferably a Christian, who can pray with you in person? I hope so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 04, 2003, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Talitha, Avondale:

Over on D/D board, we pray for restoration of M's every Wed.

Much of what both of you wrote is so true, and GOOD for many to hear. I know I learned a great deal when I read these posts.

Would you consider joining us over there, and sharing your "growth pains" and what God has shown you during your struggle? Look for "Cajunky" posts. They are titled Marriage Restoration.

I read both of your posts (to each other) and am so glad I stopped by! So much to take in, and so much that is RIGHT ON!

Thanks!

God Bless,

~~^^ bumpity bump bump^^~~