I'm just daydreaming on a lonely Sunday night, and missing the man I fell in love with so many years ago.

How many of you (BS or WS) married young, married your first love, and maybe even married the first person you ever slept with?

I started dating my H at the end of high school, when I was 17 and he was 18. We married at age 22/23. We were each other's first love, and first lover. OM was my #2. I sometimes think that half the battle with persuading my H to take me back is that I've destroyed the "specialness" we once shared.

So, help me satisfy my curiosity, how many of you fit the descriptions above? I know it's no excuse for an affair, but I think I've seen many signature lines indicating relationships that started in our teens.

Curious Jen

Met at 16 in 10th grade, started dating in 12th grade, married 8 months after graduation. First love, first & only person I ever had sex with.

She left after our 19th anniversary. She had at least 3 affairs, me none.

Hi Jen

My wife and I had our first "date" in about 1975. She was in 6th grade, I 7th. I thought she was super cute, so I asked her to sit with me on a long pep bus ride to a state football playoff game our school was in.

It was not much fun and we hardly said a word on the three-hour drive to and from the game. So I asked my best friend to tell her I wanted to "break up" the next day. I guess she wasn't meeting my need for conversation :-)

We dated on and off again thru Jr. High, High School and college, and finally hooked up for good beginning in 1986, resulting in marriage in 1988.

I was always physically attracted to her. She says this was mutual. And we were kindred spirits on many levels. We just clicked and found it easy to be with each other (although our early marriage years were really bad).

We consider each other to be our first loves, but each of us has had a lot of other relationships. I can't imagine not being with her for the rest of my life.

That was a real possibility when she had an affair last spring. She ended it and we are doing really good now with lots of romantic love for each other.

Thanks for your post. I truly hope things get better for you.

Jen,

This does not address this question but a question you put on another board. I would certainly inform the OM's wife of his betrayal.
He pursued a married woman, he betrayed his best friend (your husband) and destroyed someone else's marriage. I believe every spouse would wish to know what their spouse has been up to.
In addition, by informing his spouse he will learn that there are consequences to his actions of betrayal. Otherwise it will be a matter of time before he destroys another marriage without giving it a moment's thought. In short, I would personally contact the OM's wife to prove that it was real and what the ramifications of his actions has brought to everyone's lives.

She was 15, I was 17. It was nearly the end of Grade 12 ('88), was still in Grade 10, and I really didn't give her much thought - I was more preoccupied with what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Then her, a GF of hers, my best friend at the time and I decided to go to my friend's father's cottage at the lake on the last day of school. Not sure how that all worked out, but she told me she knew she was going to marry me almost from day 1. I played coy for a while - 2-3 months while the 4 of us hung out, cruising around, playing pool, etc. We started spending some time alone. I resisted her, she pursued, and I fell for her. After that, we became very much inseparable, always spoke to each other every day for the most part. We got married in '93, and even this past year, she admitted it was the happiest day of her life - mine too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi All,
I met my H when I was 14 he was 16. I was "in love" with someone else at the time (tho not dating him) but the moment I laid my eyes on my H I told my best friend, "that the man I'm gonna marry" She laughed at me lol. We dated for a while on and off, then became engaged on the anniversary of our first date 3 years later. We married when I was 19 and he was 21. Our first child was born later that year (quickly followed by our second and third lol) We were best friends back then and Thank God found that bond again. He is still the one I think of when I need to talk to someone. There was never a question of me forgiving him for his indescretion...I love him still.

She was 16 and I was 17. We grew up in a small town and neither one of us had dated anyone else. We immediately hit it off and fell in love. We dated through the rest of High School and college and got married the weekend after I graduated. The first 2.5 years of our marriage were great, the best years of my life.

She has a best friend that left her longtime BF and is back on the dating scene having alot of "fun". I don't know if this made my W think that she had missed out by only dating me or what but she ended up having an A while at the beach with this friend. I immediately go from #1 in her life to #4 (Friend, unborn son, OM, me).

Anyway, I can agree with your H. The relationship we shared was very special. Neither one of us had ever been with anyone else. There was no comparisons with past lovers. This innocence and specialness is gone forever. I will never feel the same way about my W again, I still love her, but the relationship we once had is dead. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Jen - in my case, far from it.

I met my XW in 1980, when I was 26 (she was 24), in a Va. Beach bar - she was a tourist and I was a suntanned local, living on the beach in a bachelor pad with more bikini clad women running around, begging for Hobie Cat rides, than I deserved. I'd had enough "variety" and was ready to settle down. Within about 10 months we started dating exclusively, bought a house together in 1983, and married in 1984 when I was 30.

<small>[ January 06, 2003, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Thanks for the replies so far. It's kind of bittersweet to remember our romantic beginnings, isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WAT - I have this new mental image of you in a pair of crazy coloured floral bermuda shorts, sitting on the beach in a lawn chair... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JB

Thought I had better add another "not hs sweetheart story".

My H was 23 and I was 19 when we met. We dated for 3 months and got engaged and then married when I was 20 and he was 24. We were not each other's first or first love.

He gave me my first student loan!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How many of you (BS or WS) married young, married your first love, and maybe even married the first person you ever slept with?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My husband and I were 19 when we met (my first). We married when we were 25. We separated this year after three years of marriage.

I married a man that I met when I was 16. He was 19. We had our first child at 18 and 21. Had two more children. Stayed married for 14 long years. That was a difficult time for me. Neither of us were good for each other. We are both better off divorced now.

Met my current husband and married 2002. He has 2 children and I have 3. On top of that, he is black and I am white. All that and the OEA's makes for a dramatic mix. But, he found me.....I wasn't looking.....we still think it's meant to be and as we continue to say to each other, Only U Can Serve Me This Way!

Have a good day all!

Jen,
I met my wife in H.S. I was 17, she was 16. We both went on a couple of dates with other people, but very soon were going steady. We got married young, 21/20. Prior to the A, we had only been with each other. For me, though I am working hard on getting over the A, the fact that we lost that "specialness" to use your word, has forever destroyed the M we once had. I still love my wife and am committed to rebuilding our M. But, it is forever changed.

Michael
Me just turned 40
FWW 38
M 19
Two S's
A began Jan 01
D Day Jun 01
In MC

My wife (I refuse to put the ex- in front of that, even though we are divorced) and I met doing a haunted house for charity. We always joked saying I was wearing a prosthetic forehead (playing Frankenstein's monster) and she had a face full of fur (werewolf). She was 18. I was 20.

After about 2 months of dating, we decided we wanted to marry each other, but didn't become formally engaged for about another 16 months.

We lost our virginity to each other, and as far as I know, are the only people each other has slept with.

We married when I was 23, and she was 20. We divorced when I was 31, and she was 28.

Even though I had thought I had been in love before, she was my first true love, and remains my only true love.

<small>[ January 06, 2003, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: timbo_e ]</small>

We started dating when I was 16 he was 20; married at 18 and 22 in 1984. He was my "first", I was his 2nd (his experience was minimal experimenting). To say I was naive and innocent about sex (and life in general) would be a serious understatement.

I NEVER would've thought that 5 years later he would begin a year-long affair with a military tramp. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> That started a downward spiral for both of us that lasted for many years, off-and-on.

I WILL NOT allow my children to marry as young as I did. I may have been responsible and mature, but I WAS NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE! How can anyone be ready at 18? We are fortunate that we held on when it got really tough....I'm so thankful we did, because our relationship is totally awesome now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lori

My WW was my third love. Third time's a charm right? We met in college. We were both engineering geeks. I was 21 and she was 18. At that point I might as well have been 30+ with all the experiences that I had been through, some good, some bad. She might as well have been 16 due to her lack of experiences. She had a sheltered upbringing, which is what attracted me to her. I saw in her the innocence that I once had.

Jen

Afraid, I'm an out of the mould kinda gal!!

I was 26 and H was 33 when we met. He was DV from his first W who he had spent 10 years with and had 2 kids.

Although I had numerous boyfriends, I think H was probably my first adult love. I worked with him and really "fancied" him then. Used to go over to his building on any sort of pathetic excuse I could make up just on the off chance I may see him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H said to me recently "I have never loved anyone other than you, and always thought you and I were forever" How stupid I was.....

Lisa

It is bittersweet to think about...it was the best of times...it was the worst of times.

I was graduating preparing to go off to college when I met my husband. I acutally met him keeping score for his baseball team. I had been keeping score for local leagues for years since my dad played ball as well. I really didnt focus on the players for a couple of reasons. First I was college bound and had no desire for attachments. Second players are generally "players" so I just stuck with my stats. So anyway I knew who he was for a few months before he ever even spoke to me. He actually showed up at my open house...uninvited with a friend (we have video footage of his friend loading up on food...his friend's advice was: "let's show up, the worst I could say was NO and at least they would get some food...my husband didnt eat a thing) He asked me out. I said he could call me. I had 300+ relatives to attend to so I wasn't really paying attention. I thought maybe we would go to a couple of games together, hit the lake...no big deal. I was college bound.

Well he called. We made loose plans. He showed up with a rose...nice. It was summer, we ate, we talked, walked at the lake...it was nice, different than anything before. When he took me home he didnt kiss me or even try. He just walked me to the door, said thanks for a fun night and started walking back to his car. I was going in the door when he called my name and said "By the way, I am going to marry you." He got in the car and went home.

I was speechless...didn't know what to think...I never, ever thought about getting married, ever thought about having that serious of a relationship. And it wasnt like he was my first date. Not to seem vain but I always had someone interested or available. I was on the homecoming court, cheerleader, honor's society...had lots of friends, more guy friends than girlfriends always. But I was always focused on college.

Our relationship has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. He was/is my first and only love(r).
However, I was right about players being "players". I was no way near his first sexually although he says he has only ever loved me. Sexually I dont even know if he was in single digits still when I met him and he was 17. I do believe his view of what a wife is compared to a sexual partner is part of why he romped so much in the early years.

I was barely 20 when we married he was still 19. Good or bad we were meant to be involved to what end I dont know...he still takes my breath away and I am scared to acknowledge that I am and probably will always be madly in love with him because loving him sometimes hurts so much.

thanks for giving me a moment to reminisce Jen.

ayslyne

Jen,

To address the specailness issue. I think you may be onto something there. It may seem totally cave man mentality but I have had so many guy friends verify there is a difference between how they view their wives and the rest of the female population. It is one thing to be proud of a beautiful wife but it is the biggest offense to cross the line with her...even in small ways.

My husband acknowledges that even though he was the one who ran all over town the idea of me being with someone else literally makes him sick. He used to think it was cool that his friends thought I was hot and he was the one who had me now he isolates himself. I can see the tension on his face when he notices someone else look at me. When we first dated one of his team mates called me for a date. It was summer and he was unaware that my husband and I had begun dating. I explained that I was seeing someone and nothing ever came of it. To this day my husband hates this guy. Why?...because he says he knows he must of thought of me in that way and it makes his skin crawl. Why agian?...he simply says because I AM HIS WIFE. I am different than other women could ever be to him.

Probably a man who feels this way could explain better but I found it amazing that my husband had found sex with me special. I always thought he had had so many lovers I would never make an impact. He says to him to think of me with someone else would not only betray him but it would make him feel less of a man because he now identifies himself as my husband.

I hadnt realized you had only ever been with him. Regardless of how modern thinking we believe our society to be about men and women and sex there is still some sort of primal mentality to the marital relationship.

ayslyne

ayslyne,

Thanks especially for your thoughts on the "specialness" issue.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He used to think it was cool that his friends thought I was hot and he was the one who had me now he isolates himself. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This describes my H almost perfectly. He used to love how his friends found me attractive. He would point things out to them like when my underwear peeked out over the top of my jeans for pete's sake! He even took OM into the laundry room once to show him my underwear that was drip drying in there. I am sure it flattered my H to have his friends find me attractive and envy him. But now that his BF found me so attractive that it turned into a PA, he isolates himself from any and all of his male friends. I've still been in contact, in group situations only, with some of our male friends, who mostly were originally his male friends since he was a boy! My H keeps asking me if they've been "trying to get in my pants." He is firmly convinced that they have been trying to do so and that I'm lying when I say they haven't been trying to.

I never realized that the reason he isolates himself may be related to this aspect of things. I thought my H was avoiding them because they'd likely tell him he partly drove me into OM's arms by having his 2 close female friends.

I'll have to think about this one some more!!

JB