With a title like that you had to look didn't you?

Probably the worst thing I did during the past year of my M thru my W's A's was tell her that I posted here on Marriage Builders.

To this day she continually uses my posts as a weapon to argue against "those vile things you have written about me on the 'net".

She does not seem to accept that some form of outlet was needed by me to cope with her A's and her cutting etc, its as though I was not allowed any way of dealing. When I ask how else was I supposed to cope I get no answer.

How else might I have done it differently and how else might I explain to her that it was essential to me for my help and continues to do so? I am miles from family and have few friends here. Also the very nature of our issues, drinking, self mutilation, suicides, child abuse lends itself to a desire for anonymity rather than local exposure.

To this day I regret saying about MB's to her. Neil.

Neil - there's likely very little you could have done that would have met her approval.

For what it's worth, I was also guilty of "slandering" my wife in an "internet chat room." Soon after I ruined her financially. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Shake it off, man.

Hi,

She is just looking for anything to throw at you, to take the blame off herself. Just trying to justify her behavior.

You did nothing wrong.

Neil--

I have to agree w/ Sue---she's trying to justify herself. She know's she's done wrong, yet doesn't want to own up to it. The fog is deep for her. Would she be different about it if you saw a counselor? Probably not, except that there is a face to associate with what you have been telling. At least this way there is some semblance of anonymity. We wouldn't know you if we passed you on the street, in the office, or at the mall unless you've posted a picture and a link to it someplace.

Your wife is grasping at straws so she can continue w/ her behavior. Wish I could be of more help.....

~C~

My H said the same thing. He even threw scripture at me (choke!) about how the wife is not supposed to speak poorly about her H. That, I thought, was a true classic! I think the guilt and shame have no justification, and they need for us to be the bad guys for awhile.

Paige

When W gets hostile about my attempts to improve our relationship, (even though I have hardly ever mentioned this place), she will say in a ridiculing, contemptful, hurtful way:

MARRIAGEBUILDERSDOTCOM!!!

I don't respond to it. Doesn't bother me a bit.

Porsche - my WH used MB to put out disrespectful words about me. Maybe what she is feeling is hurt and how could the man she married say things that were so hurtful and uncaring. I read, and reread what my husband wrote here. Just from my point of view, it would of been nice to hear some positives about me his wife. To hear that he loved me at the altar, to hear some positives. In his FFOOGGGG..... he wrote how he didn't love me, never loved me, how the other woman was the only one he loved. How he didn't care about me or the kids, etc. This hurts to hear the one you gave your heart to, body to, life to, and committment to write things that are so hurtful.

Just out of your heart, if you are able to. Maybe you could start a thread on how unfortunate the days of your anger, you said unthoughtful words about your wife. If possible, maybe you could rewrite some statements, and state you don't feel that way now. This is what I feel.

Talking to counseling, when 2 people are hurting, they will use whatever to beat their spouse down. I know, I have and still occasionally do it. I know it is not right, my heart has been torn by my husband, and my mind is still trying to survive. This is a defense humans use, to justify their actions. I am not proud of what I did, and I am trying to do better. I still hurt, and I am sure you and your wife are still hurting. You 2 are still beating each other down.

Be the first, to start a thread of caring, and thoughtfulness. Maybe on being so sorry, for all the pain that you caused. Maybe expressing the words that were used were words of Satan. Just a thought, but I see where her feelings are, and I see yours. Both my husband and I are in the same scenario, and this is not good to either of us. Make the first move. And I will express my sorry on your thread too. I am the BS and I have been hurting for many years by my husbands actions, deceit and lies. I am ready to move forward and forgive. Not by myself, through counseling, Marriage Builders (which has been very helpful), through the arms of God, through my church, through my pastor and his wife. Just my opinion.

<small>[ January 08, 2003, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

You have to let junk like that roll off your back. If you were to listen to my xw, you'd hear that I'm responsible for every Bad Thing that came along, including the eruption of Mt. St. Helens and the poor performance of her mutual funds.

It's not normal, but it's typical.

Faith4Me,

I have put my thoughts into this posting.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=18;t=000551