Quote:But it also can be a passive projection of anger if it is known the spouse does not like the weight gain and the wife can use that as an excuse to make herself feel justified by her own frustration and passive resentment

Might want to regroup on this issue, I just feel there is an underlying problem more than she does not want to lose weight..JMHO.

I just wanted to point out that loosing weight with the best intentions can still not happen. I currently work out 2 hours or more every day and I am still trying to loose the same 50 pounds . Last year I ran a half marathon, trained for a Sprint triathlon, and Sprint Duathlon , and am now training for the 1/2 marathon again.Next year I plan on running a Marathon .When I am not crosstraining on the bike, pool or elliptical for atleast 90 mins I am running 6 miles a day.I also walk 3 miles every day with the kids and weight train with my personal trainer 3 days a week. No dr has ever found anything wrong with me, and my personal trainer can offer no help either. Thank god my dh loves me and finds me An AS even though I weigh 60 pounds more now then when we met. No body and I do mean no body works as hard as I do trying to lose weight. So its not as easy as not eating junk food and 'over eating' I don't and never have enjoed junk food or over ate. Infact now I can only eat 1600 calories a day or I gain weight. Not alot to eat when I burn 1000+ calories a day working out.

Wokeup, just want to say how wonderful it was of you to offer all those choices to your wife in exchange for losing just 10 lbs. I give you an A for effort and not many H's would offer to do anything. Your wife may hate doctors, but she's flirting with some serious problems if she doesn't get checked up. The thyroid effects many organs in the body including the heart regulation.
Since your Mother in law has the thyroid problem, it does run in families. Do you suppose her mom could talk to her about getting a check up?
I wish I knew how to get through to her, because its' not just about her weight effecting looks, it's a serious health problem.
Um, ever thought of asking her if she wants to be around to see her children grown up? Or is she having a death wish and prefers somebody else raise them for her? Careful here. But it's a though. Most women will do anything for their children!
Euphoria! Wow, I can't believe all the workout you do. Wish I had that stregth! Strange it has no effect on your weight. Sometimes there are medical test doctors do not run and perhaps you can study up and ask for a new series?
God bless , LouLou

Just wanted to add that the strain of excess weight on a body, is hard on the joints, the heart, the lungs, hypertension which is related to the heart, ongoing, untreated hypertension can lead to other health problems. I read and I don't recall where, but being overweight can take 10 years off your life. I think obesity is a risk factor for cancer (I could be wrong on this one)

Have you told her you love her and are concerned about the health aspects of being overweight and want her around for a while.

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed all the different female views on this subject. I learned alot. But at this time I think I will end this thread with Just leaving the issue alone. I will seek help for myself. It is simply not worth the conflict and emotional strain on myself. I do love my wife now, but my sons becoming responsible men are more important to me. I do not know how I will feel down the road if things do not change,or worsen. However, I can tell you ladies it is a real need for some men to have their women look good and appear well groomed and taken care of.

She does try to keep her hair nails and makeup and looks good, She is pretty. However,I still feel weight looks sloppy on a women. I will close by saying thank you for all your support and words of encouragement. I'am glad i found this board and let me leave this by leaving you with a saying an old timer told me many years ago. "A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a wise person learns from others mistakes". thanks again, and Godspeed.

about 2 1/2 years ago my wife decided it was time to shape up too.she had gained 60+ lbs.she started the power walks and diet pills and just what ever she could get her hands on.and it was working.i was excited.years of asking and begging had finally paid off.her energy level went through the roof.i couldn't keep her still.she ran all the time and was just so full of life.finally!
in case you haven't guessed it yet she was having an affair.the weight loss wasn't for me!she wanted to look good for the OM.when the afairr was over so was the diet.
i really have no point to this other than what used to be important to me(wieght and size) just doesn't matter anymore.in fact i cringe when i here her mention anything about a diet.

Need an answer on this one. Wanted to end this thread, but that question was never answered by the ladies. maytbe their is no answer. I can't loose weight for my husband, but sure can do it asap for the OM. Go figure????

I think any woman who would do it for someone else is taking her H for granted! I keep myself trim and nice for My H in hopes he will not want someone else. But go figure, He had an A with a woman who is at least 100 lbs overweight. And said it was because she made him feel happy. But we were having and had had problems for somet time due to a depression I went into. Due to another A he has years ago and I didnt' find out until 18 yrs later. So I'm at a loss why a man would like his Wife to stay beautiful and slim, then go cheat on her with someone so far beneath in looks. And I do feel I fulfilled most of his EN's, I couldn't help depression anymore than one could prevent cancer,heart disease or any other illness. I feel he let me down and didn't give the support I needed, but gave her the support she needed. She said didn't get attention from her H, so mine gave it to her. Maybe if she'd lost the weight, her H would have cared more.
Wokeup, I have no idea why your wife would not care to try to please you other than taking for granted. Obviously, the ow also felt she didnt' need to lose for her H, but had to for OM.
Rob, obviously the OM required it of her? She couldn't count on his being with her without pleasing him, but feels you're not going anywhere. SAD Again, taking for granted!
My H complained once when I lost too much weight due to depression, so I can't figure out between that complaint and the OW being very heavy what I should be. LOL Fat or thin, makes no difference I guess. Yet, I feel about 10 to 15 lbs overweight right now, he says look just right, and also says I'd better never gain weight and get fat like the OW he was with! Sigh, we're all confused, I'm sure. LouLou