I have read many posts on this board from people who are debating whether to have an affair or not. I got the following letter from my now ex-wife's OM after I contacted his wife. I contacted her part out of revenge and part because I don't think anyone should get away with ruining other peoples lives and NOT pay some consequence. Sadly innocent people get hurt sometimes. It sure doesn't sound like he thinks it was worth it. I post it for those 'fence sitters' that maybe one of them will read it and it might prevent even just one person from stepping over the line to have an affair and destroying other families like it destroyed mine and the OMs. <P><BR>"Just because you haven’t heard from me, don’t assume I<BR>have no sorrow or remorse or regrets. You have no idea<BR>how many sleepless nights I’ve been through as a<BR>result of this. You have no idea how much I’ve prayed<BR>and wished I could undo what I’d done.<BR>I would never and never have ever intentionally hurt<BR>anyone.<BR> I can only say that I am truly sorry for the pain and<BR>sorrow I’ve caused as a result of this horrendous<BR>mistake I’ve made and will deeply regret it for as<BR>long as I live.<BR> I would like to know that you will keep your word as<BR>you said in your letter that you will stop causing my<BR>soon to be ex wife any more pain and hurt by sending<BR>her and I reminders of what has happened now that<BR>you’ve heard from me as you requested.<BR>Please send me an email to assure me that you’ve read<BR>this letter and that you will keep your word.<BR> I sincerely hope that this letter is what will put<BR>what has transpired the past couple of years to an end<BR>and behind you and allow you to get on with your life." end<P>How ugly infidelity is; how deep is the hate it engenders! Sadly I still weld the hammer over this guy. He sneaks around and is a part in ruining my marriage and then talks to me about 'keeping my word'like honor is now something he expects out of ME!. He wasn't worried about such altruistic concepts as 'honor' and 'keeping my word' when he was getting in my wife's pants. But now I am suppose to let by gones be by gones, to do the 'right thing' by him and his soon to be ex like this is a TV movie or an episode of Waltons Mountain where in the end all is forgiven. My marriage is over, my life in shambles. Tell me why should I EVER give a rats behind about his life?<P><BR>

<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> He wasn't worried about such altruistic concepts as 'honor' and 'keeping my word' when he was getting in my wife's pants.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nope... while embroiled in the fantasy of the affair, right and wrong really don’t mean a lot. It’s sad, but true... there are way too many depressing examples of it here. But I will tell you, once the “fog” lifts, the remorse and realization of the damage you have done is very, very real. I know that doesn’t really do you a lot of good now, and you are likely even happy he is suffering now, but looking back on the destruction caused is very sobering. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> But now I am suppose to let by gones be by gones, to do the 'right thing' by him and his soon to be ex ...Tell me why should I EVER give a rats behind about his life?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You shouldn’t... but sitting there with your hammer and wallowing in the hatred you feel will destroy <B>you.</B> You’ve wielded your hammer, made sure he didn’t get away with it, and it’s time to work on YOU.<P>I <B>DO</B> hope your post will affect even one person (or more) as you hoped. You’re right... it needs to be done <B>before</B> the affair takes hold. Once embroiled in the fantasy, all the logic in the world sadly means nothing.<P><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die