How can a day that was going so nice turn into such a nightmare?
We were having a great day, spent some time together went to the store with the kids and was just relaxing. Then Ws sister and family show up out of nowhere to visit. Ofcourse W thinks I called them over, But I didn't. Sister tries to talk to W and gets no very little in reponse. So she was leaving and next thing you know they are fighting. I hear yelling coming from the room so I go to see what was going on. As I look in W gives me a dirty look then inlaw shuts the door on me. To make a long story short the police came W left and I am now home alone with my 2 Ds.

What I thought was going to be a nice peaceful D now looks like it will be a huge battle. W said I will be sorry for this. She claims I took sisters side, but W said she would hurt herself if her sister tried to follow her. I was worried about W. She has a history with this in her family.

I thought I had been tested to the max, but I don't even want to see what happens next. I can't handle any more. Isn't there an easy way our? I know I won't beable to sleep tonight. HELP!!
Cd

Hi CD,

I just popped in and saw your thread. I am truly sorry. U know U didn't contribute to this mess, she did. Yet she is blaming everyone else. For what it is worth, it is now obvious to more that you are not the culprit.

As for her hurting herself.....well just like we have to let them go out their and fall down, this is part of what that means. I am sorry.

Keep the children safe with you. U B safe also. Reassure your children of your love and support. That you will be there for them.

Your W is threatening you and trying hard to push your buttons. Stand firm. She may even have to take a trip to the hospital or jail if she keeps it up but DO NOT give in and do her bidding for her. This will be hard on you but in the long run it is the better thing to do. Keep you and the children safe. She won't do it for you so don't count on her right now.

Pray for patience, a clear mind and a calm heart.

Do you have RedHat's #?

take are,
L.

Orchid,
Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I know I can't do anything for her right now and I need to be here for me kids, But I don't know what to think or do. I thought I was lost befor, but now the lights went out and I have no idea which way to go. I'm not sure what I even feel. I think it is real sorrow for where my W has ended up. for what my Ds went through last night. I got real sick last night and couldn't sleep. I sent her a text last night asking if she was ok, she atleast replied and said she was OK.

I don't have red hats #. Are you saying I should call him? I guess I would like to talk to someone. I really don't have anyone I feel understands what I'm going through. I don't even understand.
Cd

Hey CD,

I just left a voicemail for Redhat. I am not sure if that is his latest # but usually when we mention his name, he stops by. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your W's actions is something she needs to reconcile. What you did by checking to make sure she was ok is fine. Just can't do more than that and not too often.

Funny how normal interaction is perceived as bad during an A. Why? Because A's don't like normal reaction. It thrives only in the fog and at the expense of everything good in life that we love. No wonder the sane community of this world hates it so!!!

How are your children doing?

take care,
L.

Girls are fine, they miss mommy.
Its hard not to call and check on her often.
she doesn't answer anyway. I would just like to talk to her. Not about us or our marriage, she is just the one I talk to when I need someone. And now shes gone! My oldest D is so special, she come in to see if I am all right. Tells me she loves me, that things will be alright. tells me that mommy was just stressed.
she is 7yrs old, how can she be so grown up? I feel so sorry for them, how will they ever recover from this?
Cd

Hi CD,

my S will be 6 next month and I tell you, I am amazed as to how perceptive he is about this situation.

I don't have a lot of advice to give you and wanted only to show my support for you. I know how hard it is for you regarding your two Ds.

Let me briefly tell you what my son told me last week that I had him for New Year's. He says he knows Mom loves the OM and that OM loves Mom. He says that's the reason Mom does not want to be with me. He does not want Mom to marry the OM, he wants her to marry me. He cried right after telling me that Mom never loved me during our M. Most of it he says he figured it out himself based on things Mom has told him.

Be thankful you have your girls. I have only seen my S three times in the last 4 months. Everybody says my W would die if she were not with our S. What about what I am feeling? It's as if he is only her son and I just happen to be the sperm donor (sorry, my anger showing). Her family accuses me that when he returns from being with me he is not well behaved. I told them when he is with me he never gives me any trouble, could it be that the resents mom?

Anyway, I told myself that after all is said and done (divorce or no divorce), I want my S to know I did all I could to preserve our family. I want to set an example for him. Be strong, CD for yourself and for your girls. Pray with your girls, let them see what you are made up of. The girls will recover from this with your support but more importantly with God's help.

Be well.

CD,

If you want to call me, Orchid has my cell# and she just left me a message about you. You could also send your# to my email, I will call you. I have 2 D and Dv now, me & my 2 D survive this and grow to be a happier and better person. There some don't and do .... this is my ¢.

Your kids is looking and watching you, they need you to be strong ... if you are weak they will get lost in despair also. So stand up ! and this is the time to show you are the man of the house and the pilar of your family. First thing, you have to keep their schedule unchanged !!! ... if they have to go to ballet lesson don't drop it b/c of this, get your family, freinds and other parents to help you out. The key words here is stability !!!!. Second, don't just sit there at home miserable for the reminding of the time .... get busy and do something fun for them !!!!. Jammed pack your kids schedule with new activities ... do something with them. Kids attentions is very short, they will fill their moment with laughter that will heal you up too. Third, hug them and tell them you love them and momy love them too in her own way. You don't know what lies ahead but you will do anything to be there for them and will never not to let them down. Tell them that the problem is between 2 adults and nothing to do with them. This situation will be resolved and let the 2 adults deals with it.

NEVER talk bad about your WW or her actions w/ your kids... this is adult situation and let them be the kids. If they ask you make sure let them know that it is not their fault at all and be honest. Some detail have to be left out for age reason but you let them know that some question have to be postponed later after they are growing up. NEVER hide/lie to your kids, they are betrayed aleready, they need an answer.

Contact me if you want to talk to someone ... I have minutes w/o limits ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

my email is inside_hacker@yahoo.com & I am online in Yahoo!Messanger.

<small>[ January 12, 2003, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

ditto redhat

Greatness is not acquired, it is thrust upon you.

CD, put your children above all else. You have your wits about you and if you simply do what is right for your kids, then that is the right course.

I cannot tell you the perfect words to make it all go away, but I can tell you that you can find the strength to do right by your kids.

On a practical note, have you sought the advice of an attorney regarding custody during the separation? You have rights.

Be the hero, not the victim.

WAT

Thanks for all the good advise. I needed it, and found some word of wisdom I can shoot for.
I was able to get out of the house today, and I feel much better. Kids had fun with some friends, they needed it as well.
I did talk with WW today and asked what she planned on doing. If she was coming home or not. She said she would be home tonight. She sent me a text saying she didn't hate me, she just wish things were different.
Well me too. I have been worried about the homes. She will have this one and she really can't afford the payments. With my name on the morgage I need to be worried about my credit. I don't know the leagal issues, but I think I probably need to sell to protect my own a$$.
If you have any advise on this issue, please let me know.
Red hat, I may call some time, I sure needed someone this morning. Thanks
CD

Left message on your phone ... call me anytime ... I know how it is.

-rh-

CD, sorry to hear your pain. FYI I am BS with WW having several A's. Much Pain, I have 3 x D so am not dissimilar to you.

Can help via email at jenz@btinternet.com (am in UK so you may not wanna call my cell <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Try and relax, focus on Kids and yourself. Do little things only. Do not make any big or radical decisions. Always count to 10 before doing something. Normally around 7 another better idea pops in.

Dont fight WW. Step back, and try and find some focus. Right now nothing you do or so will be right.

Take care, Neil.

CD,

No new advice here. You have received plenty of great advice from those much wiser than myself.

I thought this deserved another mention:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Greatness is not acquired, it is thrust upon you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember that you are not alone. Take care.

I believe you should follow the feelings you had after your interview.

There are so many things I would like to say but all of them would probably come out sounding trite and there is now way I can help with your emotions, but I care.

Keep praying, do the best you can.

( Later Edit)
Please let us know how you are doing, we worry about you.

SS

<small>[ January 13, 2003, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Well, things have settled down a bit. Monday as I was going to work she was asking what we are going to do. I told her I still had some questions I needed to get answered. She said she didn't want to be played with any more, I simply told her I am not playing! I WANT a D as well. As I drove to work she sent me a text telling me that it hurt to know I wanted to leave her too.
I don't know what that means, she still needs a D.
She told me I deserve some one better and I replied YES I DO, but you will always be the one I wanted. I recieved no reply back on that. But at night she sits and sends text msgs to OM. I can't handle this anymore and will sign the papers as soon as I get them back.
Who knows, maybe we will be one of those that get back together, I'm not holding my breath. She told me last night that she ran into an old friend that was D and remarried 3 years later. She brings up many examples of that happening. Maybe she hope it will happen too.
CD

JUST WANTED TO DROP BY THIS POST AND SAY

WAY TO GO MEN!!!

TAKING CARE OF YOUR FAMILIES
HOW YOUR CHILDREN ARE BLESSED.

You are definitly headed towards HERO!!

CD:

"As I drove to work she sent me a text telling me that it hurt to know I wanted to leave her too."

Funny how they all do this?

"I don't know what that means, she still needs a D."

What it means is that she's still too lost in the fog to think rationally, but her holding out hope that you might get back together at some point shows that she still loves you, but doesn't have a clue how to get out of the predicament she's in.

"She told me I deserve some one better and I replied YES I DO, but you will always be the one I wanted. I recieved no reply back on that."

You might try this response that I came up with:
WW: You deserve someone better
BS: Yes, I do. But I don't want "someone" better, I want YOU better!

Honestly, I can't remember if I ever used that. I DID once say something like this:
WW (talking about new coworker): You should meet her, she's a nice person.
BS: Sure, bring her on by!
WW: What for?
BS: Well, you're always telling me you want me to find someone better. Maybe SHE's better!
That was the wrong thing to say. It hurt her feelings and set us back a bit. That was several months ago, thankfully.

"She told me last night that she ran into an old friend that was D and remarried 3 years later. She brings up many examples of that happening. Maybe she hope it will happen too."

I'm betting that she does. But you might not be around for her in 3 freakin' years! Ask TMCM about his XW and her similar expectations!

Absence doesn't necessarily make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes it makes the heart grow fonder of the absence.

Take care, CD,
-Qfwfq