Would you please post your story of how an A started with another couple you were close to or best friends with? How it started, how you found out, what made you think something was happening. How it ended, if you still have contact with the other couple. Any thing big or small I sure would appreciate any help at all.

eyespy - my story fits your criteria, but it will not be encouraging to you. You can see the milestones in my sig line.

Having close friends as the other couple is simply a subset on the same theme. Sure, it can be ugly and absurd, but the basics are all the same as any other case of infidelity - you have to rise above the fray and find the strength to see it for what it is and what it is not.

Just today, I saw a very good friend at a baseball function for our sons. He had only recently heard that my XW and our neighbor Dad (OM) had gotten married (we all live on the same street).

"I couldn't believe it!!," he said, "Why"?

My point here is that you likely have your wits about you and none of the other three "adults" may.

I suggest you post your story and I will be happy to offer parallel observations as they occur, but please realize that any case of infidelity you'll read about here can provide case history information for you. No matter what the particular circumstances, you will see similarities that are downright spooky. I promise. Any case and anyone's experiences can be instructive.

My advice for now (assuming the affair is ongoing): make NO decisions and take NO ACTIONS until you have your feet on the ground. DO NOT communicate with the other BS about the goings on until you are sure of his/her stability. The infidels will accuse you and the other BS of all sorts of devious plots to "destroy" them.

If the affair is over, you can never regain the friendship. In my opinion, all contact with the other family must cease. Period.

Hello eyespy, and welcome to MB.

My story fits your criteria, so I will try to summarize it briefly for you.

My H's best friend and I work together. The BF's wife works odd hours. My H and I and the BF would regularly spend a lot of time together, as a threesome, or in a bigger group. It was only a small fraction of the time that my H's BF's wife hung out with us.

Within that bigger group of friends were my H's two close female friends, that I've never really been comfortable with him having. He works with them as well.

I spent some time doing things with just me and my H's BF (we went skiing two times, just for the day, no hotel stays). We spent some time chatting on the phone. We emailed each other playfully at work. We thought we were just friends still. Although, when out drinking and dancing with friends, there certainly was some flirting. I guess we may have gotten into an EA at first. (Translation: OM was fun to be with, listened to me, and gave me lots of attention.)

My H spent more and more time with the two female friends, exercising, on the phone, shopping, etc. This really bothered me, but whenever I tried to tell him that, he told me tough, this is the way things were going to be, they are only friends, and I didn't have enough time to do some of the things they did with him anyway. (Translation: I felt my H didn't listen to me, and wasn't getting enough attention from him. He felt he wasnt' getting enough attention from me. What a mess.)

Then one night after another night out with a group of friends, including the 2 females, my H's BF (without his wife), and significant amounts of alcohol, I ended up sleeping with my H's best friend. Then it happened again two weeks later after another night of drinking. A week after that was D-day, and the affair ended at that point. I ended it. My H never asked for me to end it.

My husband found out about the A rather than me confessing to it. He found out because he was outside the door listening, both times, but he didn't let on that he was. When d-day came, and he finally let me know that he knew, he demanded immediate separation. That separation led to me moving out in August. We now have limited contact, but we are still a million miles from saving our marriage. Right now my H only wants limited contact with me, and seems to only want me as a sex toy and not a spouse. I still want to really try to work on saving this marriage, but my H is still knee deep in a pity party it seems, and is no where near that point.

Do we still have contact with the other couple? I still work with OM. I don't have any real contact with him other than passing him in the hallways now and again, and having to sit in on the same large group meetings. My H hasn't seen or spoken to his XBF at all since d-day. Neither of us have seen or spoken to OM's wife. The friendship is obviously over, as it should be.

That's the short version. Hope it helps satisfy your curiosity. Let me know if you have any questions.

Familiarity breeds contempt I guess.

What is your situation? As WAT said, if you share it with us, we can be more helpful hopefully.

JB

<small>[ January 12, 2003, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

I will post my story if I can find the time after work today. I will agree that most of the post I have read are pretty much identical. I have to agree as well that EN are very important and when they are not meet by your spouse you will find a way to get them meet. I think its knowning one self to realize you must speak up to your spouse to say "Hey we have a problem here when there is one. I feel its spells danger when the WS dont have a clue as to why their unhappy in their relationship. All you know is that you wake up one day and realize your unhappy and before you know it, your out seeking that happiness in some one or something else.

eyespy,
My situation is very similar, but different (see signature line). My wife and I befriended a coworker (mine) who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident. His fiance was in Germany at the time, so he had nobody and was laid up. We took turns taking over dinner, picking up things from the store, etc. He called my wife more often because she had a more flexible work schedule.

From there we all became friends, his fiance returned and we spent time with them. Although they did not have children they loved ours, he being 46 was the same age as their grandfather, and she being 20 was more like a playful aunt.

We went horseback riding, watched movies, went to parades, and when we had babysitters we went out together. If we didn't have a sitter wife and I would take turns going out. Wife and OM began talking all the time on cell phones, out to lunch sometimes, etc.

I expressed concern, but they both kept saying it was just friendship, so they started inviting me along which made me feel better. Eventually OM became my best friend.

We had a weekend which got out of hand even for the lifestyle we were living. Wife says that's when she fell in love with OM. They continued their PA & EA for approx a month before I discovered her at his house.

It's been just over a month now since D-Day #1. It's like riding a roller coaster. For the first 3-4 weeks I confided everything in OM, afterall he was my BF. When I learned of EA I confronted OM. He replied with lies, tried to turn it around on her and I. He said that night he was done with the both of us, didn't ever want to see or hear from either of us ever again, he was washing his hands of our "Drama".

I have not spoken with him since that night. I have not spoken with his fiance. I am not sure if wife and he have spoken, she says they did once and he said he wanted nothing to do with her. It's hard for me to believe, she was such a good liar before.

The next time I speak with OM will be in court. Hopefully it won't come to that, I don't want to and if wife does what she says it never will. But, if it does come down to it I will destroy him.

My suggestion. Wait a few days before you talk to anyone. I thought I was thinking clearly when I spoke with OM and some mutual friends. A couple of days later I realized I wasn't thinking as clearly as I thought.

Well...I kinda fit. I thought we were friends. I had met the STBOW, her H, and her DD during a business/pleasure trip several months before my H and she entered into an affair. They were co-workers within the same company at different offices about 30 miles apart.

We all got along well, but things never seemed to work out once back home for us to get together. After my H and she began the flirtation stage of their affair, they made a great show of us becoming a foursome. Suddenly, we were going lots of places together on weekend and such, calling us at home during the week. I truly think my H liked her H, I know that I liked her very much. BUT...both my H and her used "our friendships" in a successful bid to be able to spend more time together...as their affair was being conducted during working hours over the internet and the phone.

I discovered their affair when my H was leaving on a business trip and left his email account open on our computer with his saved emails to and from her. I had NO idea. Completely destroyed my world. I called him home from the airport...confronted...he denied...I informed him I had copies of his emails...he tried the just friends, no sex...I told him I'd read the email about "the room"...he came clean. He called her, told her I knew...it was over.

Their affair lasted for 3 1/2 months from first flirtation to confrontation.

I haven't talked to her since that day, nor her H.

Well if you dont mind, I'd like to give you the story about our BF's. It will be a little long, but I really need someone other than myself to tell me honestly what you may think here. My WH thinks I am crazy and that I should let it go, but if only I could. I will say after many angry fights he did admit (we)got to close and involved with them. I like that we, not him but we! So after so many times of him telling me I am making to much out of it all I need an outsider on this to tell if it is or was something. Mind you I was once the WS many years ago while I was married to my husband and I know all the games it takes to be involved in an A. Mine were PA's. I know all the crap that goes along with them. I know what it takes to rebuild a marriage after the affair is found out. I know about rebuiling trust. Now being on the receiving end I gotta tell you it sucks the living hell out of your entire being. It shakes you to the very core and changes your life as you once knew it. I am so very depressed right now but I also know not to seek out another male to make me feel good about myself. That I did learn about myself while I was involved in my affairs. So any way here goes... My husband works with lets call him Jim and they became very close all the while Jim's wife and I also became BF's. We did everything together. Weekends, holiday, we even were the ones responsible for them getting pregnant. WS and I were watching their 3 childern on their annivarsary and 2 months later OW is pregnant. She gave birth and six months later they found out her daughter is severly and mentally handicapped. OW H is not dealing with it very well. Jim is really in denial of it all. Myself and my H are very supportive and doing all we can to help them out. But still finding the time to spend time with eachother. Now OW and I would go out together and I knew of a few PA's shes had. I knew all her secrets, I knew when she would tell her H she was out with me and in fact she was out with other men. Her husband would never call and check up on her and she knew he wouldn't. My H didn't know this either. After all she was my friend and I thought why should my H know what my BF was doing and he never took much interest in what she was doing. So all is happy and good for all concerened. Right? Well, sometime in July 2001 I could never reach her by telephone and she is the type that its not untill she wants something from you that you then will hear from her. So I just thought it was that and I would call and call her and she would not return my calls. So I sorta pulled back thinking who needs this sort of friendship? It was then in July 2001 that my H would come home from work and fill me in as to what our BF's were doing. He would say things like I think you need to call(lets call her Karen) Karen she is really depressed or upset about this that and the next thing. So in front of him I would dial her number and lo and behold she cant take my call, that she will call me later. This went on for many months and several times my H would accuse me of not calling her when she needed my help. I would explain to him that sometimes while I was at work it was difficult to have a conversation with karen. DUH!!! So in the evening I would try and reach her. As the months went by he would go into much greater detail about OW's childeren and how OW husband has his head in the sand. I threw out the question to H "why is it I cant get ahold of her and yet you have no trouble at all"? He would say "well maybe at night she is to busy with the kids after school and does not have time." My H job involves him being on the road alot and he keeps in touch with his work while on the road with the company cell phone. Karen would call my H and speak to him while he was working and he would call her back during the day in between his jobs. So I thought to my self I wondered if I call in the middle of the day if she would pick up the phone since she knew I only called her at night. You all guessed correct...she did pick up the phone in the middle of the day. Thinking it was a fluke,I tried this many times and she did pick up. So I am thinking,well this is really odd and odder yet my husband who could give a rats a** about her all of a sudden seems very interested in what she is doing on any given day. It appears to me that they are talking alot.
Our conversations in the evening center all around OW and what it must be like having a handicapped child and OW H not supporting her. How depressed she is, what she should do to make her happy. How she should try to reconnect with her H. As time goes by and still not putting the pieces together, I become odd man out of the foursome. Which I thought thats ok, Karens a bit of a drama queen and I thought let someone else listen to all of her poor poor life, her husband, kids, responsabitities, and my husband took on that role where I used to. Now here is the real stupid thing I did. OW"s H birthday was approching and OW and my H asked if it would be ok if they went shopping for his present and I said sure whats the harm in that. They left at 6 and the store closed at 8 and after they bought the present they went to have a couple of drinks. They did not return to our home till close to 11:30. After she showed me what they bought and she went home my H told me about her poor poor life and that he had given her some suggestions as to how to make things better. Needless to say we talked for several hours about her life. Not a whole lot was said about OW H. And again I was told by my H that I should make a better effort in keeping in touch with her. Now its my birthday and a month has gone by and My H asked if I would not mind if OW helps him pick out my birthday and X-mas present as he hates shopping in the malls at christmas time as the stores are so busy. I say sure you go right ahead. They leave and I figure they will be back in a few hours and its now getting close to 11 and the malls close at 10. At 11:30 they are still not home so I call his cell phone and I get his voice mail and leave a nasty message as to where he was and whats going on. Two minutes later he calls me back and ask what the big deal is. I ask him where he is at and he said they stopped off after shopping to Ruby Tuesday in the mall to have a few drinks. I remind him that the mall closed at 10. He tells me they have only been in there for an hour. I can hear OW in the back ground asking to talk to me and finally I agree. She is telling me all the little things that my H bought and how they walked for what seemed like miles around the mall looking at everything. Now I know my H well to know he is and never has been a shopper. He hates it. They finally arrive back at our home and she does not stay long and after she leaves I am all over my H. Telling him it took me to call you to make you come home, knowning how I felt when they stopped off for drinks while shopping for OW H birthday present. H said a million times how sorry he was and he was just listening to her and all of her problems. Said well you know when she gets on a roll its hard to stop her. And she really needed a friend to hear her out. Yea right! He said I wont do that again and I told him from here on out he was not to be alone with her again. Not without me! Which he stuck to. He has never put him self alone with her. I'll give him that. A few months go by and I start looking at his cell phone and the calls received and sent and almost on a daily bacis they are talking to one another. I finally ask him to stop talking to her that I was very uneasy by the whole thing. I ask her to stop calling my H. That if she needed a friend that I was still there for her. Sorry I know this is long. Soon my husband asks me if I think she is having an affair with someone and I still feel its none of his business if she is or is not. And I just act stupid and say I dont think she is. I ask why he thinks she is. He says well some things she is telling him is very conflicting and her stories are not checking out as she switches them from day to day. I am noticing different things about him. Like making sure if she is coming over with her family he has to have fresh breath and dressing up a little more than he used to when they would come for a visit. Making sure he has breath mints in his work truck. Wanting to spend even more time with our friends. Making sure they are also included in our plans with other couples. He has taken a liking to her type of music. Seems very detatched from me. Asking more and more if she is having an A. His reason for wanting to know now is because he would hate to see OW's H go thru what he did when I was cheating on him. That it would break OW husbands heart and what about their childern. You know all that sort of stuff. And my H is thinking if she is he would give her the chance to stop before he told OW H about the A. Finally after a lot of thought I told my H that she was indeed having an A with her boss. A few hours with only my H thinking she may be having an A with her boss. Went over to the OW home and tried to talk to her H about what he thought she might be up to. When he come home, he said either Jim is real stupid, cause he acted like all this talk and time she spends with her boss after working hours and how unhappy his wife seemed to be, or he just does not care what she does as long as she comes home to him every night. I told my H everything. The oddest thing my H broke down and cried and punched the wall. I asked him why he is so emotional about it all. And he said it just puts me back to where I was when you told me of your A's. I guess I could by that. From that night I he did not want to talk to the OW. Which stayed that way for some time. I was happy about that.
In Jan 2002 we took several planned trips and I could not help but notice all the attention he was giving OW. She also knew that my H knew about her A. I pointed out during the weekend to my H how he was putting to much attention towards her. I was so feed up with it all we ended up in a big fight and we left in the middle of the night and went home, leaving the other couple with out a clue as to why we left. I told my H I thought he had feelings for her. He told me I was crazy. Oh please forgive me but I left out this part. I asked my H after they went out shopping for me at X-mas time where all the little gifts were and he said locked in the truck. I went out in the morning and I found nothing and knew he did not move anything out of it. So I called his bluff and said I called the band and they only show on transaction on the debit card. What the hell is going on? He then said well we looked at a lot of little things but I only bought you one big thing and it being delivered on Sat. So I said I know you and you dont go walking around the mall just to look. My guess is that you bought the one thing and the rest of the almost five hours you sat in the bar talking, Right? And he denied it up and down. Sorry had to put that in there.
Now its March 2002 and yet another planned trip with this couple and again my H is very attentive to OW and OW also knows that my H is very close to telling her H about her affair. Maybe he felt she was not worth all the trouble she is putting our M through. But by the end of the weekend my H tells her H about her A with her boss. I tell OW we are thru and there is to be no contact with us again. Which all this closeness my H and OW are and have gone thru is a little to much for my liking and I am glad its over with. My H and I are still fighting about how close the two of them were and he insists that he was just trying to help her out. But then why so many times did I catch him in the lies he told me. He did admit to getting to close to them. Not her but to them. I am still having a very difficult time in trusting him as I could see all the signs of him having an EA with her and he at times is distant from me and he went thru a small with draw from something. My H said I just just drop it and let it all go since we have no contact with her. But he still works with OW husband and we still run into eachother. The slightest little thing I think he is covering up something or lying about who he talks to durning the day. She now has a nextel and his number, thanks to OW H. She can two way my H and vice versa any time they want and I have no way of knowing if its happening. I still am checking his phone and his milliage. He no longer goes to the gym, yes he took that up to when he was just trying to help his friend out. But he no longer goes, not until I feel better about trusting him. And my H left it up to me as to continue a friendship with her that is was entirely my decision and he would respect that decision. But did I just make it easier for him to cover his tracts and lie or is it fact. Do I just trust him again that he is doing everything right. I really dont know whats truth and whats a lie anymore. Am I over reacting to something and just respect my husband as I have in the past. He has always had high morals and character thats why my hold world has been shattered by this. He is the one person that was honest and good in my life. And now every da** day I question all of it. I have to bite my tounge alot as he would rather not talk about the whole thing, but I am still steaming mad and need reasurrance from him, but dont like appearing weak. I have to say our s3xx life has never been an issue. And I am applying all of the things I have learned about this site to our life. Had H take the EN questionair and discovered things I did not know. So please if any one would give me some feed back. I will take it to heart. Thanks for listening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />