I'm wondering how others have dealt with renewing sexual intimacy with WS. I keep having these visions of my H being with the OW and it almost makes me want to throw-up. I think this may affect my time with him. Also I think "Did he do this with her?"; "Is he thinking about her?"

Actually I have not noticed a difference in his actions towards me per se. This has not been a problem for us. He did allude to time with the OW as being "different" but not better.

What are your thoughts on this subject? How have you coped with this?

I think my WS will be making another move to be with me soon. (He is sensitive to my concerns about the SAFETY issue.) So I'm just wondering...

I can't help you with this part, mimi - I never got the chance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But it might be helpful for you to review the concepts of the Policy of Joint Agreement and Radical Honesty. But go slow expecting full implementation of these concepts by your WS - it may be way too soon for him. But you can implement Radical Honesty right away, perhaps.

BTW, keep that roller coaster seat belt fastened.

WAT

WAT:

Gotcha! I'm keeping my seatbelt fastened. He was just giving me those eyes last night. I put on my PJs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi mimi,

I mentioned a similar question to our MC and he recommended that I just go ahead and "do it" and focus on MY own satisfaction... sounds harsh, but it worked for me.

Generally speaking, I think that it is a little harder for a male BS to get over the mental images... male ego ... But I do know that it devistates female BS just as much, so please know that I'm NOT minimizing your feelings or your pain...

I would talk with my H about your fears/thoughts/feelings regarding SF... Be honest with him and ask him to help you with this. For me, my W's understanding and help in this area was the greatest thing that has helped me.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I didn't have that problem - I couldn't get enough and I'm not the one who ranks SF high on the EN list. I guess I was trying to reclaim my territory. Sounds a little animalistic but that's how it was with me.

DB

Nope....it's not harder for a male to get rid of the images...at least from my side! It's been almost a year, and I still struggle with images, now and then. Wish they would go away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It's been over a year since the last A and I still have images! I am always wondering if he's comparing, or thinking of her or fantasizing that i'm her! It sucks,and the other problem is he doens't seem to want intimacy very often. But is trying. I am one with a high libido so it hurts to feel rejected!
I think way back he told me it worked better for him at time he was with her, erection and so forth, but it was just because of the way he was happier and no problems. But she couldn't perform! Other than with hands. She has a problem!
Then he told me yesterday he did have problems with her too and it wasn't as good as with me, since I don't have sexual problems. Go figure, he had to take shots before going to see her. Yet, I do think just being with someone new has a definite positive effect on the performance!
Gee, how did I get off on this thread. LOL
Yes, it bothers me when we're together, yet I still enjoy when we are. He has always been a considerate lover in making sure I'm satisfied, so it goes through my head if he was same with her.
How we get past this I don't know. For me, it's an emotional need to feel special in our love making and now it's almost like just fulfilling a physical need with me. The feeling special is gone! And he says it shouldn't be. They just don't understand at all I think.
Maybe in time, but then how much time do we have anyway?
The part that hurts is he said he had always wanted to sleep with her since high school. I'm just glad about one thing. When he finally did, she had let herself go,no hormones, said her and H had not had sex in years, so she was not capable of performing with intercourse. He swears no oral. Well, as for keeping the cat fed at home, he's always dined Gourmet here! So there is another myth down the tubes. He has champange here but went out for beer!
LouLou

Hi, mimi .

I so understand you. I am obsessed with these thoughts even more than you. I can't even imagine having sex with my husband anymore. It's been a year since the last time we did.
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Me 38, WH 39
Married 16 years
H had EA/PA with daughter's daycare teacher who was like friend to us, lasted for 6 months
DDay - June 2000
H (or OW?) ended it in July 2002
5 y.o. daughter
Recovery? Not going anywhere. Got stuck and can't forgive.

I&#8217;m glad to read these posts on how most BS&#8217;s feel. (I&#8217;m the FWW.) My H won&#8217;t touch me. I asked him once if he missed it and he said no. That hurt my feelings but I understand.

dazed blonde: I loved your concept of trying to reclaim my territory it was very helpful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rebuilding: Going ahead and not thinking also helps.

I get the images at unexpected times while driving the car or walking down the hallway at work. It's weird, almost like flashbacks that I haven't even seen.

I hate the idea that another woman has made some claim to my H's body which I believe belongs to me. As stated by dazed blonde, I tell him that when we are together. "You are mine"

This hurts so much!