Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways; but where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.<P>I really believe in this statement...<P>Betrayers will go to any length to keep up and rationalize an affair, there are thousands of ways to do it....there are also thousands of ways NOT to do it....most betrayers will have excuses of why they did it, ie., wife/husband put on weight; he/she is not meeting my emotional needs; I hate my in laws; she does pay attention to me; she has a headache; she is too busy with the children; she is taking college courses etc.<P>THERE ARE WAYS TO RESOLVE AND TALK ABOUT THESE ISSUES WITHOUT GOING OUT AND HAVING AN AFFAIR....<P>Let's look at the thousands ways and reasons why it should not be done, ie., hurt my H/W;<BR>danger of losing marriage; W/H is a good person; Is OP so much better than W/H, what's so great about them ?; The children get hurt, it messes them up; divorce is expensive plus many more......<P>Just thinking out loud today.........

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>THERE ARE WAYS TO RESOLVE AND TALK ABOUT THESE ISSUES WITHOUT GOING OUT AND HAVING AN AFFAIR....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Couldn’t agree more... problem is, most (if not all) of us didn’t possess the tools we now have in order to work on these issues. I think it has a lot to do with fear and complacency as well. People get lazy, and think things will <B>always</B> just work out. Now that I know what needs to be done, I know my fear should be directed towards NOT working on my marriage, and letting it happen all over again. Thanks to what I have learned, here, in counseling, and most importantly from my wife, that shouldn’t be an issue... <P>Glad you liked the quote... <P><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

WhoDat:<P>I assume its your quote.....it inspired me....I have it on my desk and I read it each day........<P>sadforever

Dear Sad,<P>Very true statements, however, we are not dealing with logical, sane people. The reason that my H and I are in this very situation is because he did not take the time to rationally consider his actions, along with the possible consequences. <P>It felt good at the time, and he just went for it. I'll never understand it, as long as I live.

Hi Guys,<P>I think in our marriage we had a communications breakdown. Val tried to tell me there were problems in the marriage. I though I had made the appropriate changes in myself. She stopped complaining. I figured my work was done and the changes that I made were for the better. I was not aware that she had given up on us and had moved on. I believe were are just on different channels. Well that and with the discovery of the affair I am now starting to feel resentment towards her.<P>I don't exactly recall where I read this but it goes something like this. Why is it that we can joke around with our friends and children, but, are so very serious with our S. It comes down to if one of my buddies would say something to me, it meant one thing. If the W did it took on a completely different meaning. Does this make sense? Or am I still stuck on stupid?<P>Don't know if this adds anything here or not.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I assume its your quote.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, not <B>mine</B> per se... I got it from a friend, although I think I was the first one to post it here.<P>Interestingly... my take on it was in the <B>aftermath</B> of the affair. For those who are unwilling to do what is necessary to rebuild. Everyone gets something different out of good words. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die