Well, he had the email address deleted, so she can't find him anymore. That was his solution -- to say nothing but delete the address. I would have preferred if he'd told her he preferred to work on his marriage and not have any interference from her, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. So I guess this is better than nothing, since he refused to consider my request.<P>Hopefully this will be the last of it. But if I ever hear WORD ONE about her contacting him again, there is going to be hell to pay

Cristalle,<BR>Hopefully this problem is solved.<P>The downside of this is that both of you wanted the same outcome (no contact) but you both choose to sit on opposing teams and make it a my answer vs. your answer issue.<P>By the way, although I believe your H's sense of decency in this case is misplaced, is it really so bad having a "nice guy" for a H?<P>There is more than one way to look at this situation, you know.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi FHL<P>Thanks for replying. I tried your suggestion (from my other thread) but the best we could come up with together was no response. He flatly refused to tell her her attentions were no longer wanted, and even said that if I had no problem with it, he would contact her. His offer was basically - no reply, or friendly contact. He would consider no other option.<P>Believe me, I do appreciate having such a nice, sensitive guy for a husband <P>The only problem with that is that his friendly sensitivity seems to attract altogether too many needy women who lack it in their own lives. And he can't say no, either. So it has its upside, and its downside

You are right, that's a problem. At least you are seeing the up side, and you both have experienced and hopefully learned from the down side.<P>I'm not defending your H, really. However, from a guy position my H would probibly reason the same way.<P>If he saw this person as no threat to our relationship, (because been there, done that, lesson learned) he would not say something to another person "just to pacify me" if he thought my fears were groundless.<P>Your fears aren't groundless. You H is wrong. However, if your H reasons like mine, then this situation reflects more of an inability to empathize with you (guy thing) rather than a lack of care for your feelings.<P>Don't know if I put this well. Does this make any sense?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

It makes perfect sense, FHL. He can't see why he has to give up or "insult" this woman because he thinks it was an innocent friendship. Even when I remind him that he had romantic dreams about her, and that he hid her existence from me, and about 12 other reasons why she bugs me, he has an innocent-sounding response. "I thought it was funny and she would appreciate the joke" or "you were jealous so I thought I wouldn't upset you by telling you about her". He always has an excuse, and I'm sure he believes them, but nonetheless their relationship was dicey at best in my opinion.<P>He also doesn't understand the dangers of male/female secretive friendships, nor the dangers of confiding in people of the opposite sex. You'd have thought that having at least 3 girls "fall in love" with him over his sensitivity and willingness to "be there" for them would have taught him that this is a no-no.<P>So he still doesn't understand why he shouldn't do this, but he promises to steer clear of it to prevent what he calls "the worst year of his life" happening again. I wish he could internalize WHY it's a bad idea, instead of just staying away from it to keep the peace, but I suppose that's too much to ask.

I know, sometimes this whole thing just sucks, doesn't it?

That's it in a nutshell, FHL! But, as Garrison Keillor says, we just "shoulder our musket and press on".

Cristalle--<P>Sounds like you're handling the difference of opinion fairly well! <P>My H and I have the same problem--interest from a woman that I'd like him to handle one way, and he's GOING to handle it another way.<P>I suppose as long as the outcome is GOOD, we're all doing something right! Take care.

Hi Lucks<P>Yes, the outcome is good. I still feel like he "got away with" something by not telling her to take a flying leap, but I guess that's what's called compromising.<P>Sorry to hear you're going through that stuff yourself. Seems to be a recurring topic these days around here. I just don't get how these guys think they can maintain contact with droves of other women and work on their marriages at the same time. Talk about delusional. If they stopped for one second and tried to imagine themselves in our shoes, maybe they'd think again.