Hi everybody I am new here and this is my story. I am 48 years old and married for 18 years without children. Like six months ago a collegue from work began to send me messages in my cell phone, at the beginning I just thought it was a friend, but the messages began to get more passionate with time and I fell for it like a teen-ager!! We met a couple of times because he works in another country and I fell in love. I told my husband because we have always been very honest with each other, I hurted him badly.
In the mean time this cell phone character was promising a future, the stars, the big love and I believed everything!!. The last time we met was like three weeks ago, he had to go back to work outside the country again. And just disconnected his phone, nothing for two weeks. I was going crazy, feeling abandoned at the same time that I was hurting my husband.
Decided that this was a lack of respect and sent a message breaking my relationship with my ghost lover. I got some replies, that were strange and without substance like: a) I love you in a dream, but don't know how to love you in reality b- I feel love, but need too much time c- I feel guilty, will have to dream about begging for love d- I don't want to die running for fear of dependance and guilt e- You mean something to me. Why I choose lonlyness? f- I have to work that is what my mother wanted!( he is 41!!)
I know that at my age I should be smarter, but all this story has had a terrible effect on my head, depressions, panic attacks.
I am hurt and so is my husband. I know we'll have to sit down and analyze what went wrong between us.
But at the meantime, I feel so much pain, my heart reacted to something that my mind was telling me to be careful.I feel I am drowning, I don't understand

Any comments or advise I appreciate

<small>[ February 05, 2003, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: TheCalypso ]</small>

Hi Gabi:

I had posted to you on another forum. I am glad you are here and welcome.

I strongly suggest you relax and give yourself a bit of time.

Read this web site and its tools on building a stronger marraige.

I suggest you decide if you want to rebuild with your H. If so then get him involved with this program. You can each work on your own to see what your individual needs were that were not being met, then together to build a plan to meet them. The plan should also look at committment to make the M work.

I would also suggest that you look inside to see what allowed you to be so swayed by this person. How could you be so blind sided in such a short time by someone after a long marraige to your H.

There is much data here and very useful tools to help you in your healing.

There is also telephone counselling with the sponsers of this board. They specialize in pragmatic approaches to rebuilting marriages and recovering love for our spouses.

All my best to you.

Jack

P.S. Gabi:

Use this site to see the pain and suffering your H is going through. It will give you clues as to how to reassure him. I have found by helps others can also reduce my own pain. Just a thought.

Jack