I have been reading a lot about manipulation, love addiction and avoidance addiction. To understand the silence of someone that seduced me by cell phone, for six months!!! and suddenly stopped communicating for weeks. I sent desesperate messages, worried messages and no reply, for a long time.
Would this be considered like an emotional abuse? That's the way I feel or it would enter into another category, I just can't find any book that talks about this.
I need to understand ...feel desesperate

I think this is an interesting question. I would assume that it is indeed a form of emotional abuse. Of course, comparatively it is minor compared to the emotional abuse suffered by your husband because of your willingness to be seduced.

Hi Gabi, perhaps if you could give us more details on your situation someone could better help you. Your post is somewhat vague.

MTD

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 09:34 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Well I will be more clear, I had posted my problem already a couple of days before. Making the story short, yes I am married for 18 years. This collegue of mine began to send me messages, at first I answered them considering him a friend, but messages got more and more pasionates and I fell for it, we met and Puff fell in love with him. Told my husband, but I should have told him when I began to feel the symptoms and not when I was already in the mess. This man works abroad a lot , so the whole "relationship" has been like digital.
After I was into it, he confessed that he lived with someone.
Last time I saw him, he was going away again, but we were going to meet one more time and suddenly wrote to me I have to go now. I responded telling him " I have to call you", last of him.
Yes I have been going through this site and realized that I needed the attention, that for long time I was not getting from my husband. I don't feel happy about being unfaithful, but at the same time want to understand the acts of this OM, so I can recover and try to rebuild my marriage

I don't feel happy about being unfaithful, but at the same time want to understand the acts of this OM, so I can recover and try to rebuild my marriage

Gabi, if you really want to try and rebuild your M, then contaction this OM is the last thing you want to do. The only contact I would recommend (from a MB standpoint) is a letter of no contact to OM. Period. If you really want to work on your M then you have to know that you can never speak to him again. As for his behavior, most likely Gabi, you were used. He saw an oppurtune vulnerability and acted on it. My W's OM#1 was much the same way. It is also possible that what someone mentioned above is true, his SO found out and threatened to throw him out the window <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Either way, not having contact with him is probably the best thing to happen if you really want your M to work. JMVHO.

MTD

That's exactly what I am not going to do: communicate with him. No way!!
But perhaps because I feel used or that it was just a game, I want to understand what happened. Not just why I fell for him like a teenager, after a so long marriage but because I feel very confused, sad, angry and desoriented.

That's exactly what I am not going to do: communicate with him. No way!!
But perhaps because I feel used or that it was just a game, I want to understand what happened. Not just why I fell for him like a teenager, after a so long marriage but because I feel very confused, sad, angry and desoriented.

It is interesting that you said that you are now sad, confused angry and disoriented. You described it perfectly how one feels when they find out that they were just used by someone else for purely physical reasons. You wish to strike back but cannot.
You asked why you fell victim to this player after so many years of being married. My guess is that you were vulnerable because you were bored and wanted some excitement and magic in your life.
You have no idea how lucky you really are. I assume you probably had unprotected sex with this OM and of course put your husband at risk also. The bottom line is that many husbands would have simply just walked away from you feeling that you betrayed them and are simply untrustworthy. In this instance your husband went through great pain and wishes to rebuild and restore your marriage. What would you have done if he simply said goodbye? What would have been your reaction if the roles had been reversed?
It just seems to me that you seem to put so much energy into the fact that you were used by this OM and seem less interested in focusing on the pain you gave your husband and how fortunate you are this did not lead to divorce. It is sad that you seem to me a very lucky woman but unfortunately you don't seem to understand this.
The bottom line was that you were used by a player so now focus on getting your love back and your marriage restored and stop wasting your energy on someone else who simply saw you as a conquest and has moved on. Do you wished to be married or divorce?
P.S. All of us at one time or another has been tricked and used by someone else who we trusted.

Of course I had protected sex!! And I am also not the bad monster of the picture. I had talks with my husband years before this happened, saying that both of us needed time together, we don't have children so we became more and more into our work. This created a distance, no fun, no quality time. Many times I thought this could happen to him or to me, we knew it. And did nothing, so we take this as a lesson that we need to fix several issues in our marriage. With this infidelity affairs everybody suffers, I lost so much weight out of anguish and guilt that I looked completely anorexic. This is not to create sympathy, just to say that after so many years of marriage this comes as a shock, for both partners when it really happens.